Caleb Ward, 26 yo Agoraphobic Voice Actor

In the collective multiverse, there are a cavalcade of hells, a collection of purgatories, a handful of mad realms, and a selection of trial grounds. At this particular moment, Lucian Medici would rather be in any of them compared to the setting of the fictitious board room that currently surrounded him.

It wasn’t the interior itself that was objectionable, the room looked like a very modern take on the old standard, a long dark wood table surrounded by rolling chairs, various abstract art pieces by obscure artists on the wall, and a wall of windows looking out to a constructed view of the horizon. No, it was the company that had Lucian on edge, for on the opposite side of the room sat a figure that made his skin crawl.

The figure itself was indiscernible, they had no defining features, no face or clothing. Light seemed to bend around where they sat, the world seemed to bend in fact so that you could make out that there was a figure standing there, even though there was nothing to see. They went by many names depending on function and purpose but today they would be a Producer.

Lucian swallowed and adjusted his suit, he had been standing there for a few minutes now and nothing had been said, but he knew better than to speak out of turn and so the silence persisted. Finally, the honeyed venom of the Producer broke through the air.

“Ah Lucian, sorry I was preoccupied, there’s so much going on at the moment. Busy busy busy y’know? But that’s showbiz or so I’ve heard.” The nonfigure smiled, Lucian didn’t know how he knew that but he knew.

“Please have a seat and tell me, how’s life been? Sorry, pardon the terminology.” A cackle filled the space as a chair shoved its way under Lucian and he had to bite his tongue to keep from cursing.

“Well…it’s business as usual. Torturing souls of the damned isn’t glamourous work but I’d like to think I do a dam- a darn good job of it” Lucian hated talking to the producers, he had to fight so hard to keep the bile and rage that constantly simmered at bay, because he knew if he turned it on them, the only one getting burned would be him.

“You’re too modest friend! I hear you’re doing great work in the underworld! They say your punishments are creative and so tortuous that it is a spectacle to watch you work! They say that amongst demons there’s not another that delights in the work they do or hates mortals with the same passion that you do!”

Feeling emboldened Lucian smiled and rose in his seat “Thanks, I really think I found my rhythm and am looking-”

“So it’s a shame that we’re going to have to let you go” The words hung in the air and Lucian felt the world falling out from beneath him as his eyes went wide.

“I-wait…no you can’t be serious! You just said I was doing well…I’ve done everything I’ve been asked!” He couldn’t help himself from raising his voice, the edges of his skin darkened and small flames began to sprout as he rose in his seat unable to contain his bafflement and rage.

“I was meant for this! Punishing people it’s what I was meant to do! You can’t-”

“I think you’ll find I can do whatever I please.” The words were said calmly but with a finality that struck Lucian to his core, his flames flickered out and he just collapsed in his chair staring into the void.

The Producer continued “You see Lucian, we’re proud of what you’ve done, repurposed stray spirits like yourself are always a gamble but you see we need someone who is more than a misanthropic sadist when infinity is at your disposal a single-use tool isn’t worth much.”

The words just washed over Lucian, trying to comprehend the nonexistence that was surely in front of him. He didn’t even know how long he had been doing their bidding torturing lost souls, making them relive their worst memories, warping them beyond recognition, and now…it felt too short.

“Still, I think I have come up with a fantastic solution, a way for you to prove that you can do more for the organization and we don’t need to erase you from existence.” The producer’s voice cut through Lucian’s haze of ennui and the demon sat up.

“Really? I swear I can do better, I can prove it!” He was at the edge of his seat waiting to hear what this life preserver could possibly be, the air was tense with anticipation and the Producer was reveling in it as he extended his hand out dramatically

“Lucian…have you heard of Harem Hotel?” The room went silent.

There was a moment's pause before Lucian spoke again “The…dating show? You…want me to…”

“Host our next program! Don’t worry the details have all been figured out, you would just be stepping into the role! Showing us you can be charismatic, funny, more than a savage torturer!” The non-figure beamed

“But I hate people…I honestly can’t stand them. They’re vile and all they do is stab each other in the back” The words left Lucian’s mouth like vomit and he felt the bitter taste in his throat.

“That’s why you’ll be perfect, you’ll see! It’s this or oblivion. I know which choice I’d take” it wasn’t a threat, but it stung like one with the finality it imposed.

Lucian hung his head defeated “I’ll do it.”

The producer clapped his hands enthusiastically and walked around the table to pat Lucian on the back. “Good Man! We’ll get you the scenario and a collection of past seasons to review. You’re going to do great I know it. Now if you’ll excuse me I have another appointment now that needs my full attention.” With that, the board room dissolved and the figure vanished.

Lucian found himself back in his office in one of the hells and began to ransack it in a fiery rage as he came to grips with what had just happened. He grabbed the ornate leather office chair at his desk and smashed it against a wall

"Single-Use tool?! Those fuckers! I’ve done everything I was asked, everything! Now I’m punished for it?!” He swiped his arm across the desk knocking everything to the ground.

“Fine! They want “variety”? They want a host? I’ll be the best damn host they’ve ever seen and all those petty humans won’t know what him them.”

One Month Later…

In his closet, huddled over a laptop, surrounded by hanging clothes, Caleb Ward was staring down the barrel of his microphone.

“That’s Totaldent, the toothpaste that does it all!” wrinkling his nose he went again “That’s Totaldent, the TOOTHpaste that does it ALL!” he mumbles something and then continues “That’s Totaldent, the toothPASTE that DOES it all!” he marks something down on the notepad on his knee “That’s what I got Mira…if you need something different just let me know.” He hits stop on the recording and begins making the basic audio adjustments so he can send them over to his agent.

The problem with gigs like this is they are always one of two things either the request was so hyper-specific that you could tell that the company already knew who they wanted and the gigs posting was just a formality. Or, in the other direction, they were so vague you couldn’t really tell what they wanted and would often say things like “go with your instincts”. As if Caleb had instincts concerning a toothpaste brand he had never even heard of before today.

The voice actor stretched his back hearing a satisfying pop from his spine as he finished writing up his email and sending the recordings to his agent. He didn’t feel great about those takes but he never really did so he wouldn’t let those vague feelings stop him from getting paid. He opened the door to his closet and crawled out. He was thirsty now.

He exited his room to go downstairs hoping that maybe his dad was out and he could avoid the inevitable conversation that would follow as it di whenever his father saw him lately. Caleb loved his dad dearly, they had been through a lot together, and lord knows not all parents would be as patient with him as his dad was but it still was hard to have to discuss the same thing every time…

But sure enough, in front of the kitchen table eating a bowl of shredded wheat for supper sat his dad. The man was built like a square, like someone had squeezed the mold of a human into a box and it had just settled into the balding man that stood before Caleb. He perked up hearing Caleb enter the room.

“Afternoon son, you get any work done today?” His voice was even but low and gravelly like a cement mixer.

Caleb crossed the kitchen to the fridge, opening it to grab a can of iced tea. “Uh, yeah, Dad just sent in a gig. Hopefully, it goes through, and I’ll have a paycheck to look forward to…” He cracked the can open and took a drink, waiting for the inevitable.

His father nodded and then set down his paper “Wouldn’t work be a bit easier to get if you…left the house?”

“There it is…” Caleb’s temples tensed. His dad knew how bad his agoraphobia was, he respected it, he was kind, and he was patient, but he couldn’t stop…pushing. “Most voice gigs can be recorded remotely Dad, especially after COVID…sure I lose some jobs because I can’t go to a studio but it’s not like it’s really costing me…” “Unless you ask Mira”

His father nodded solemnly, “Ok, I just…I worry y’know. You don’t seem to have many friends and you don’t seem to be dating. I just want to make sure you’re set in case something happens to me. I’m not going to be around forever.”

Wincing Caleb tried to push those worries to the back of his mind “Yeah, I get it dad, thanks. I’m going to just play some games in my room, ok? I’ll be down later.”

“Ok, have a good night” His father returned to the paper as Caleb trudged up the stairs.

It wasn’t like Caleb wasn’t trying to solve his issue, he had seen three therapists about it, it just didn’t seem like anything provided helped with his panic attacks. He could be outside for a little bit, but it didn’t take long but the thoughts to creep in and once they did…

Caleb shook his head and reentered his room, catching the mirror on his still-open closet door. There stood a gangly-looking bastard in a tracksuit with shaggy black hair, an unshaven face, shadows under his eyes, and freckles partially hidden by glasses over his stony blue eyes.

“A real catch…” Caleb thought bitterly thinking back to what his dad had said. Even if he could manage to leave the house, a relationship? That seemed out of his reach, especially considering how badly he had messed up his last one.

“Fuck…” Caleb collapsed face-first into his bed, just curling inward over the comforter. He didn’t want to do anything now. So it wasn’t long until he found himself drifting off, his vision fading to nothingness.

When he opened his eyes the first thing he noticed was he was sitting in a chair, looking around he saw a large auditorium that he was seated in the center of facing a rather ornate stage with marble framing and gold filigree.

He felt his face go hot and felt his heart speed up. “It’s got to be a dream, otherwise I’ve been kidnapped somehow in my room, oh god what about Dad?” His eyes darted around the room as with a sharp sound of a switch flipping, a spotlight shone on center stage.

Then in a puff of smoke, a figure appeared, an olive-skinned man of strong stature, with swept back thick black hair dressed in some form of checkered black and red suit and holding a long wooden stick. There was something off as he smiled, the man had distinct sharp canines, and his eyes…the sclera was black and his irises shone gold with eerie light.

Then he opened his mouth and an unnaturally loud voice echoed through the space “Good Evening Ladies, Gentlemen, and that Marvelous technicolor Rainbow in between! Tonight we raise the curtain on what you’ve been anxiously awaiting for: the latest season of Harem Hotel!”

As the words echoed out, Caleb watched wide-eyed as in bewilderment as the text in great flourishing script appeared in the air above the announcer “Harem Hotel: Masquerade at Castello dell'arte”

The speaker continued “I am Lucian Medici your host of the season and with me is my delightful assistant Reyna!”

With another puff of smoke, a woman of diminutive stature that belied her impressive figure appeared dressed in a corduroy jacket and pants and red and white striped stockings. She had bushy red hair covered by a bowler hat and was beaming ear to ear.

“Thanks for the warm welcome Lucy!” The figure known as Reyna waved enthusiastically into the audience and Caleb thought he saw Lucian’s eye twitch before he cast his gaze on Caleb.

“Of course Reyna…but now it’s time for who everyone as been waiting for, this season’s Master…” A drum roll rang out from somewhere “CALEB WARD!”

Music suspiciously similar to the family feud theme began playing as the spot light focused on Caleb and he raised his arms to shield himself from the light.

Despite everything that was going on, or maybe because of it, Caleb found himself calling out “Harem Hotel? Master? What the hell?! Where’s my dad?!”

The spotlight faded back to Lucian who grinned “Don’t worry mah Boy, your father is safe at home and for him it will be like no time at all has passed when you return in a few weeks.”

Rising out of his seat, knuckles white “A few weeks?!” Caleb shouted

“Of course! You’ll need that time to bond and grow close to your wide cast of lovely contestants!” Lucian grinned

“And for all the related sexy times that come with it!” Reyna piped up.

The host nodded “Just so.”

Caleb stared into the distance, dumbfounded. None of this made sense, but because it was so strange, he couldn’t believe it was a dream. So, the most he could manage was, “Contestants?”

“That’s right!” Lucian slapped the stick he was holding against his palm, “Here at Harem Hotel, you the master will have your affections competed for by eight women chosen specifically for you! Through rigorous studies, we have determined each one of these women is a potential destined match, and lucky you, you don’t have to pick! You get them all!”

Caleb swallowed and tried to come to grips with what he was being told “So eight random women are going to compete…to date me?”

“We’ll explain specifics later, but I must correct one assumption. Our picks are anything but random! They’re all people who have some important connection to you, else where would the fun be? And few are as exciting as our first guest…you should be well acquainted- LillianWright!”

“Oh fuck no!” Caleb clutched his head in his hands, this was going to be a nightmare.