Bunny Girl / Maid / Waifu uwu

"Yoshi! I got it! A bunny outfit! Uwu~ Sugoi, deshou ne? Kawaii? Darou?" You jump around like a pimple pockmarked preteen nerd boy, gesturing wildly to Jess about your decision. "It’s gonna be so lit!"

You stayed up late watching crappy isekai anime, so you only get to start training Jess after lunch. But you're so psyched: your own bunny girl lol OMG roflcopter. Your are geeking out like it’s comicon and, before Jess can even react, you're online ordering Jessica new duds imported from Japan. Well, really from China, but the anime shitheads think it’s from Japan.

"You’re going to be my Waifu and we’ll talk about smegma and tentacle porn all the time! Sugoi uwu!" You clap Jess on the back, but she’s tuning you out, on her phone again engaged in what seems like a fury of text messages and social media. "I can’t wait to have this thin ginger beauty transformed by my 'man of culture' ways into a litany of poorly structured JoJo references, and then…"

BZZ BZZZ

Your phone rings, and you’re about to ignore it until Jess says to you. "It’s Erin, you should probably take that." There’s a hollow flatness in Jesus voice, but also… Relief?

But Erin has no relief as she lambasts you over the phone. "Look, you stupid fucking moron, I thought I made myself clear. Jess is your plaything, but she represents my sorority. My! Sorority! Most of these cosplay and E-girl dipshits are really fat fucking porkers who hide behind filters, convenient camera angles. They look like any run-of-the-mill chubby if you catch them outdoors without make-up on. And I don’t care what kind of Boner you have for Tokugawa or any of those katana wielding rice noodle dicks, you are not turning Jess into a bunny girl, a maid girl, a 'Waifu', or any of that lame Japanimation garbage."

"But…" You fumbled dumbly, your embarrassment Heightened by the fact that Jess can clearly hear everything Erin is saying to you over the phone. "But I already bought a bunch of…"

"Well, send it back," Erin snaps coldly. "I’m not paying for any of that garbage. Read the rules and don’t fuck around, or you’re really going to find out."

Click

Well, I guess that that was a waste of time… You spend most of the day trying to unorder the thousands of dollars you dropped on Pokemon cosplay outfits, Gundam figurines, and Sailor Moon wigs. In the end, you're only able to get back a fraction of the money, and you're stuck with clothing (shipped weeks later) that Jess refuses to wear, or site credit on a website that sells 'figurines'.