Breakdown

“Let’s see them call me a dyke now. The other girls on the squad kicked me out. Made fun of me for being a lesbian cause I don’t have a boyfriend. So I decided to show them wrong by at least proving I’m willing to make out with a dude.” She leaned in to whisper “They don’t need to know we’re actually dating though.” She slipped her hand into my jacket and I felt something drop in my pocket. She walked away with a powerful strut and left me in her tracks. I was speechless. All I could do was get in my car and be amazed. I pulled out her note and frantically attempted to open it.

“I’m coming over. Leave now.” This is not what I expected. At all. She needs me. I booked it out of my parking spot and drove home as fast as possible. I got there and ran upstairs.

“I need to grab a few things and then will be over.”

“I’m home. What do you need.”

“You. And strawberries.” Rushing to the fridge I thanked god dad grabbed strawberries the other day. I started running through my room like a whirlwind. Throwing as much clean and dirty laundry where it belonged, putting my art stuff all on my desk. I know she knows guys my age aren’t clean. But I wanted this space fully available to her. There was a knock on the door. I ran out and let her in. She was pale as a ghost and moved with a frantic intent. As soon as she crossed the door and I closed it

“1st door on the right.” She booked it in there and I followed. She dived straight onto the bed and started curling up into a ball. She started crying. I sat on the edge of the bed and put my hand out to her. She just quietly sat there, crying. Eventually my hand met hers. Ash pulled it close to her, and just kept me there. Eventually she breathed enough to ask for water, and some strawberries. I returned a few minutes later to her having scootched up the bed and sitting against the wall. I handed her the bowl and glass. She was still struggling, but she had her comfort food. I sat again, and she patted next to her. Crawling over she leaned on my chest and kept snacking.

“Those cunts, I knew they were fucking worthless. But I never should have given them my time. I gave them. So fucking much. And they still didn’t respect it. The fucking whores!” She punched the bed. I just brushed her hair. “Those fucking bitches are what ruin fucking lives. I hate those god damn kind of fucking people.” She rolled over and held me closer by the waist. I knew Ash was a strong woman. But to see her weak like this hurt, I brushed her hair and just held her tight. She was at a loss.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. That was where I put my energy. And now I just. Don’t have anything I can do.”

“We will be okay. You said you wanted to figure out what you wanted to do. Now’s our chance.”

“It’s just hard.”

“I know.” We sat quietly for a while. I pulled up some music I thought was appropriate. At a certain point, when she finished her strawberries, I slid down and properly laid there for a cuddle. This was different from when we had held one another before. This was a human and another human staying close. This was emotional comfort and safety. This was the kind of healing that was hard to come by. She looked up at me and kissed me. It was a gentle experience. She eventually broke the kiss and dug her head into my chest. We stayed like this for a solid half hour.