Boudica's Episode

"Alright Boyo." Boudica entered Stan's chambers, finger first. She pressed it against his chest and kept it there even as he tried to back up to get out of range. "You may have all these girls fooled. Talkin' about how yer such a gentleman. But ya ain't got me fooled. Get me?"

Stan kept his hands raised, like her finger was a weapon. "I get you. We'll just watch T.V and sleep on opposite sides of the bed. It's fine, okay? I don't want anyone to do anything they don't want to do."

"Oooooh no ya don't." Boudica shook her finger. "You just want me settin' on the couch, so we can talk. Yeah I get how yer brain works. 'Oh Boudica, do you think Elanor's gonna get discovered?' Then all the sudden, I'm on my hands and knees takin' it up the bum. Hard pass, we're goin' out."

"Like on a date?"

"No, not like on a date." Boudica huffed turning red. She shoved a jacket into Stan's hand. "We're goin' to see a movie. That way you can't blab my head off."

"A movie is a classic first date Boudica."

"Oh sure sure, people just love being in the dark for hours, reeeeal sexy. Well after the Movie, we're having dinner in a real fuckin' crowded reasturant. Good luck fuckin' with a pound of oysters in yer belly!"

"Oysters?"

"Oh yeah, they're like snot ya gotta work for. Lobster too, big stupid bugs ya gotta hit with a hammer to eat. Yer screwed sonny."

"Oh boy." Stan sighed. "What's the movie huh?"

"Elvis. Nothing sexy about an overweight **** addict! Hehehe." Boudica was quite proud of the date she'd devised. She'd practically designed it in a lab to keep them apart. "Fuck I'm good." She gave him a smile, and zipped his jacket up for him. She then rubbed his chin. "Scruff's looking good by the way." She headed out the door. "Come on, we don't want to miss a man shatting himself to ****!"

Stan let out a bawdy laugh, and hit the table. "I can't believe you screamed in the theater."

"I couldn't help it!" Boudica yelled, draining her third flute of champagne. "The way that boy was wigglin' his hips, he's just so dreamy!" She burps, and snorts out a laugh. "You ever sweat like that, eh?"

Stan looks around to the many couples dining in the reasturant with them. Apparently sea food reasturants were the gas stations of Boudica's country, as far as food quality goes. In Aspen she managed to book them a ridicliously fancy table at one of the best restaurants in town. "Sure when I work out."

"Oh, boyo you sweat like that during sex, and I'll lick every inch of a ya dry." She giggles to herself. "Oi waiter! Get me some more of this piss! It's good stuff."

"It's champagne." Stand tells her.

"I'll say." She leaned back in her chair, and held her floot out lazily as the waiter went to refill it. "You think Skylar's got a manager?" She burps again.

"I guess so."

"Do you thnk she's gettin' abused ta put this show on?"

"I don't know, she seems to enjoy her job."

Boudica sniffed. "Everyone one thought Elvis was enjoying himself to... but he was sufferin'." She pouted it. "It's sad."

"Yeah." Stan leaned forward to slurp up an oyster.

"Oi, why you eatin' like that?"

"Like what?" He looked up innocently.

"All slurpy, and toungy over there. What? You tryin' to make me think about all the stuff you could do with my cunt eh?"

"What are you talking about?" He slurped up another one.

"There! Ya just did it! Yer doin' it just like yer eatin' a cunt."

He shakes his head. "This is just how you eat oysters."

"Oh yer a tricky one ain't ya? Sure sure." She gives him an exagerated wink, and picked up a lobster claw. "And this is just how I eat lobster." She started to wiggle her fingers underneath the claw, like she was tickling a pair of balls.

"Okay okay." He sits up. "How do you eat oysters?"

"I don't. They're balls of jizz locked inside rocks. Eatin' them is an affront to God, who gave us chicken."

"Really?"

"That's right." She swaggered to her feet drank her champagne and threw the empty flute on the ground. "Yer all goin' to hell! Yer in Colodrado, God wants you to eat deer, rocks and weed, save yourselves the end is nigh!"

Stand brushed his lips off with his napkin, and raised his hand. "Um, check please."

Boudica had entered the singing stage of drunkeness by the time they got back to the hotel. Stan was sure that whatever song she was singing in whatever language that was, was beautiful when performed sober. But Boudica was a burping slurring mess, and there was no discernible key, or pace to her song. It didn't help that it was broken up by her taking swigs from a bottle of champagne she'd knicked. Though she inisted to everyone she passed that 'They gave me the whole bottle of piss!"

"Come on, come on." He grunted, half guiding half dragging her through the lobby. They weaved around furniture and he finally got her into the elevator without making too much of a scene.

"Mmm." Some very expensive champagne dripped from the sides of Boudica's mouth. "I think I lost my shoes."

He looked down at her snow soaked socks. "You definitely did."

She laughs and leans up against him, 100 percent of her weight. "Yer sooo funny, ya ever get that?"

"Umm." He tought about it. "No. I don't think any of the girls have called me funny yet."

"It's cause they all got sticks up their ass." The Elevator came to a stop, and opened up. "Especially that Olympias, her butthole is probably clenched so tight it snap yer pecker off if ya put it up there."

Stan looked at Olympias who was standing outside the elevator, and was carrying a young lady tied up in ropes over her shoulder. "Going down?" She asked.

"No, up."

"Mmm." She nodded, and took a step back to catch the next one.

"It's like, hello the goal of the game is to make people like you! Ain't no way the audience is votin' for a scary old crone like her." The elevators finally closed, and rose to the top floor. "Wooooo oh, handsy!" She snorted incoherently, as Stan put her arms around his shoulder and started to walk her towards his room.

"Da dah du duuuuh da dah du duuuuh." Boudica moaned at the wedding march as they approach.

Stan took the approach somewhat slower than he would have normally. Because he spotted a blond woman crouched outside his door with her ear to it. At least that had been her position until Boudica started singing, now she was just leaned up against the door, looking casual. As if she always just hung out in front of his room.

"Helen? What are you doing here?"

"Oh?" She feigned surprise that they even noticed her. "Just checking in on my roommate. She looks... sloppy as hell."

Boudica laughed heartily. "You gotta look out for this guy Helen, he’ll charm yer pants right off."

Stan looked at Helen, a beleagered look on his face. "I've done almost nothing this whole night, this is all her."

Boudica burped. "I'll let you two talk, and get myself ready, you eager beaver. She took a step away from his support, and fell forward right through the door into the bedroom.

Both Helen and Stan looked down on her, half convinced that she was dead. But moments later to their relief she began to inch worm her way into the bedroom.

"What happened to her?" Helen looked shocked.

All Stan could do was raise his hands in defeat. "She's a danger to herself. I don't know what to say, she seduced Boudica without any of my doing."

"Well she is lust."

"I think this is before any corruption. That girl's just goofy as hell."

Helen nodded. "So you're not going to fuck her tonight?"

He shook his head. "I don't want to be mean, but it's just to easy. Besides, she more than a little drunk."

Helen clicked her tongue. "Disappointing, but okay." She ran her arm along Stand's chest. "It was good to see you though, look forward to our date. I plan to end your week with a bang."

"See you then." He gave her a friendly kiss on the cheek and walked inside. Boudica was on his bed. Her pale bimbo ass was stuck up in the air, and it really was the perfect sight. He could see her thick lips polking out, swollen and wet. Her panties were down to her knees, and Boudica herself was out for the count and snoring like a bear.

He smiled at the train wreck. He walked over to her, and spanked her ass, which collpased her body out on the bed, but did not wake her. He smiled as he saw the drool pooling up in front of her mouth. "Somehow Boudica this wasn't even my worst date of the week.

"Erica I got one day left, and no clue what I'm doin'." Boudica had a thick pair of shades on, and drank from a cup of coffee loaded with whiskey. "How do I use lust to get **** on a cheater huh? Ain't that what started this whole damn thing?"

Erica shrugged. "It doesn't have to be like... the perfect judement. Just do something sexy and mildly inconvenient for the guy, and I'm sure the crowd will be happy."

"This would be so much easier if I could just break his legs."

"Come on, if you don't think of anything else by tomorrow, just make him mad horny with his wife, you can't go wrong with that right?"

"I guess not." Boudica took a sip of her coffee. "Speakin' of killin' dicks. How are we doin' it huh?"

Erica looked up from her cereal. "You mean Satan?"

"Yeah, how much more of this are we puttin' up with? He's human right now ain't he? Let's just push him off the balcony, and get out of here."

Erica shook her head. "They might just be able to bring him back to life."

"No." Boudica shook her head in return. "Before you got on, I almost killed him. Then they made this big deal about him being mortal now, and that if he died the show would be over. They can't do shite."

This was news to Erica. "You're kidding."

"Hand to God."

"Well that... changes things... maybe." She chewed on her lip. "No. No. Joan said she'd tell me when the time is right. When it is I'll let you know."

Boudica, incredibly got a wounded look on her face. "You don't trust me."

"That's not it."

"No it is!" Boudica leaned forward. "I can see it in your eyes, you know exactly when yer going to do it. You just don't want to tell me!"

Erica opened her hands, trying to disarm the situation. "I do trust you Boudica... but I don't trust what you'll be after this challenge, or by the end of the show. If I give you information now, you could end up screwing me in the end."

Boudica was gritting her teeth. "We ain't got to worry about that, if we kill him now. So are you in or out?"

Boudica had maybe fifteen minutes to get on the shuttle, and return to the Lodge before forfetting the round, and losing her life as a proud and independent queen. "S'no problem, I think best on ma feet." She looked at the clock on the wall, sweat dripping down her pale back. "Boyo you're really causing me a headache here."

She turned on the man she had tied to a chair. He looked worried, but at the same time was helping himself to a good look at Boudica's big boobies, which were not being contained by her dress.

"I mean, my powers are just going to make you a horny cunt, and let's face it you're pretty much there already." He nodded sympathetically. "Then I thought, hey I'll make him attracted to something embarrassing like grannies or dogs, not that being attracted to an old woman is the same as being attracted to an animal. There's nothing wrong with gettin' old." He nodded a little less sympathetically now that he knew she was planning on giving him a schnauzer fetish. "But you'd be into it, so you wouldn't really be sufferin' at all. I don't know what to do man."

"Shawn?" Marcy, Boudica's summoner dropped a load of groceries on the ground and ran into the living room.

"Ah, there you are. Maybe you can help me decide what to do with this cunt."

"Why's he tied up, I told you I didn't want to be connected to this."

"What?" Shawn gapped. "You sent her after me?"

"Yes shawn, people get **** when you break a sacred promise to them." She glared at him, but didn't have any **** looks for Boudica. "How do you plan on getting me my **** now that he knows I'm the one behind it."

Boudica shrugged sheepishly. "I'm thinkin... maybe I make him want to fuck his car?"

"****." Shawn sounded wounded. "Marcy... did I really hurt you that much?"

"Of course you did, you're my husband. Why would you cheating on me not?"

"I just... you always seemed... I don't know. I never felt good enough for you, I guess I felt that when you found out... you'd finally just realize that and move on."

"Move on? Shawn you're my first love, how could I move on from something like that?"

Boudica looked between the two of them. "Is... is this happening?"

Marcy went on. "Besides, not good enough. I'm just a Doctor Shawn, you make a living drawing Sonic Thr Hedgehog on the internet, that takes talent."

Boudica looked around the living room. “Wait yer telling me these blue creatures you have in all these picture frames are supposed to be hedgehogs? I thought these were your gods. Hedgehogs don’t have shoes!”

The adultrust husband sniffed, sucking snot back up into his nose. "I'm so sorry Marcy. I think what it really was, was I felt intimidated by you being the bread winner. So I... I was just trying to prove to myself that I wasn't worthy to be your husband."

Marcy nodded back, tears in her eyes. "Thank you for saying that... and... and I'm sorry I sold my soul to get demonic **** on you baby."

"No don't be, that's the sweetest thing you've ever done for me."

Marcy ran to him, and hugged him, despite the ropes and the chair. "I love you Shawn! I can overlook one little slip up, this can be a new beginning for us."

"He fucked your sister!" Boudica shouted.

"Here." Marcy started fiddling with the ropes. "Let me get out out."

Boudica sighed. "Nope, nope, nope, that's not going to work."

Boudica cracked open a pepsi, and sipped from it as she looked to Shawn and Marcy who were now both tied to chairs. "Think you two, what's sexy, and punishment at the same time?”

"Please don't just let us go, I don't want this anymore. I forgive him, the contracts over."

"The hell it is. I got my own soul riding on this lady, i'm not leaving until this man pays for cheatin' on ya." She snapped her fingers. "Got it! I'll get you turned on by those little animals you draw."

"Too late." Marcy sighed.

"For real?"

She nods. "It's their big feet. We've talked about this. It’s this whole things, he make a lot of money drawing them."

Boudica just shook her head. "God has abandoned this household." She held her head back in despair the ticking of the clock hitting her like hammer blows. "If I was further along the show, I bet I could just give ya big ol' feet, that'd get his attention."

"Really?" Shawn instantly began intrested in the conversation.

"Shut the hell up Shawn!" Boudica roared. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." She got to her feet. "I got, I freakin' got it." She did a little dance, flapping her skirt, to a rythm in her own head. Then she lifted up her skirt so they could both seeing the pink glowing sigil beneath her heavy red bush. "Behold the power of lust!”

"Oh god, ever heard of a Razor?" Marcy averted her eyes.

Shawn did the same. "It's like genderbent Knuckles down there!”

"Why can't I just kill him?" Boudica begged the PA. "Fuck it, obviously as everyone can tell Shawn is a piece of shite, and Marcy's too good for him. From hence forth Shawn will only be able to get off when Marcy is verbally abusing him, and Marcy can get off as she pleases, but her orgasams will always be stronger when she's putting the worm in his place. And for good measure I'm going to ramp your sex drives just south of Sex Addict."

Marcy nodded. "That sounds good to me."

"Wait." Shawn bucked in his bindings. "I don't think that's quite..."

"Shut the fuck up Shawn." Marcy yelled, feeling horny.

Shawn shuddered, and felt a hardon erupt between his legs. "Ooooooh that's good."

Boudica looks towards the camera with a smile. "And you guys were worried."