Behind-the-scenes: : Polling issues

Syl pulled out a phone and read a message in panic.

She froze time and shouted angrily. “Albert!!!! The polls are broken.” As she waited for the male gnome to show up, she started to look for the issue her producer had pointed out. The repugnant miscreant had made polls that would only return the top vote. This could not work, especially given that multiple rules require the order of results to be known. “Albert, we NEED to have the order of results!!”

The small rotund gnome in a blue vest and pointy hat approached. If he stood still, one would not be remiss to mistake him for a garden gnome. “Madam, first, it is AL-BER-TO, not Albert. Second, you said you wanted to implement the new integrated polls.” Daggers flew out of Syl’s eyes as the refutation was spoken.

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have told me once you found out it worked like that. It made us all look bad in front of the producers. And it will make us look bad in front of the audience. GO FIX IT NOW! We don’t want to get nickel-and-dimed like Sage, do we?” The anger and frustration were palpable with each word.

The gnome was a decent help most days, but did not understand urgency. His main skill was being and remaining unseen. He was doing things in the background, but no one had noticed. He had forgotten to compare the design notes on the native poll and warn the host in time. He rushed to share the polls differently, going with QR codes and a link. He hoped this would solve the issue. After having made the changes, he grabbed a glass of lemonade. Feeling relaxed, he took a nap only to wake up to a call.

“ALBERT, you fixed all but Jessie’s poll. The link you put in is broken. We also need to figure out how to fix the difference in the polls. The integrated poll has about 1.5 times the number of votes the new ones have. Obviously, this will be worse for Jessie. Fix it and prepare a poll about the situation with the following options:

• Use only the new poll results.
• Use the integrated poll to break ties in the new.
• Try to make a compromise between the two.
• Use the site one for the result and the new poll for the order.
• Something else, add a comment.

We probably also need a second one to see how I am going to punish you… Or maybe you tell me an appropriate punishment. If I like it, I might actually take you up on it.” Syl scolded the gnome. Her anger was so large that Alberto could imagine the veins on her head and neck pulsing. This was going wrong! He needed to save it somehow.

“First, madam, my name is AL-BER-TO. Secondly I reckon a sufficient punishment is me being made into the main shopkeeper, having to keep the store open from the start of the day until twelve.” He said, hoping to placate her with his proposal.

“Nope, it is not in my opinion, Albert. You can add it to the options in the poll we will put in front of the people who watch our behind-the-scenes content. The options are:

Albert becomes the shopkeeper from the start of the day until twelve in the evening.

Albert turns to stone for two hours a day at random moments.

Albert becomes a contestant.

Albert gets demoted to unicorn stable boy and has spent the whole day shovelling their excrement.” The boss lady told him.

The gnome could feel a pit fall into a stomach. He did not want to be a contestant. Being a stable boy for the unicorns was arguably worse. The smell of the dung would not leave his clothes ever. I might get crushed. He started spiralling over the two options before realising there were four. The other two seemed fine. Turning into stone wouldn’t be too bad, but if he were careful, he could avoid danger. The shopkeep thing would be boring, but at least it would be a safe environment.

Alex sat next to Syl and tried to calm her boss down. “Hey, we won’t end up like Sage’s season. Everything else up until now went well they had issues every step of the way. Albert isn’t trying to fuck up, you know. He is trying to solve the issues as best he can within the timeframe you gave him. Rushed work makes sloppy work they say.”

“That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have checked that his fix worked. Had it only been our joined fuck up? In that case, I would have just scolded him. However, he fucked up again. Then he failed to notice for hours. I had sent him texts to inform him of the failure, but he noticed it too late. What was he doing?” The hostess replied, explaining her reasoning.

“Sooo, you are mad that when you gave him a task to fix it, he didn’t do it properly?” Syl nodded. “I get that. His joining facilities means shoving him onto me. Saves me assigning another person to those shitty jobs, it might actually increase morale. Part of me fears that this will actually make people more wary of you, though. I get that you need a scapegoat for the producers and the audience for your own actions.” The elf in orange told while looking over reports. Nothing had broken yet, but she feared what the humans would do to the things she had made.

“Scapegoat?!?! How dare you imply I am some guileful wench?!?!” This was considered an insult by her boss, falling back into archaic language. She had not seen how it might look to those in her service.

“That is the way it will look. You really did not think that the rest of your employees and cast would think like this.” Syl looked genuinely surprised at the explanation. The surprise originated from a misunderstanding of how people think. “How old are you? I know you are at least a century older than me, and you hadn’t thought of that?” Alex said with a small chuckle. “Well, now that you have said it, you need to do it. You are well aware that this type of fuck up will be in a behind-the-scenes episode for those who want to see how we solve it. Just don’t harm the man too much. I have no idea why you want to thrust him into the harem.” The head of facilities chided.

Alberto walked in. “Madam, I have completed the tasks you gave me. Here are the polls requested.” He held up a screen with the polls.

How to resolve the polling issue?

• Use only the new poll results.
• Use the integrated poll to break ties in the new.
• Try to make a compromise between the two.
• Use the integrated result as the main one and use the new one for the order.
• Other… (Fill something in)

The gnome flicked the screen, and it changed over to the next poll about him.

What to do with Alberto?

• Make him the shopkeeper between eight and twelve at night.
• Turn him into a contestant.
• Have him turn to stone for two hours a day at random moments.
• Demoted to unicorn stable boy and have spent the whole day shovelling their excrement.
• Don’t punish him.
• Other… (Fill something in)

Syl groaned, looking at them. “I think these polls are fine. You changed the last one a lot, but it is fine. Another one where the audience can give their free opinion? I reserve the right to veto any non-predetermined option, but this is a poll about you. The option to evade punishment is fine. I understand why you added it. Give the audience the choice they will pick it if you keep your current job in editing and filming. I am wondering what they will pick, but you are free to make a final pitch to them before we end this conversation.”

The gnome straightened his vest and took off his pointy hat. “Dear viewers, I hope you understand my plight. We have been given new tech, and we wanted to use it for your enjoyment, but we didn’t do our due diligence. Afterwards, we rushed to make new polls that did work within the rules for the show. I messed up, missed a few letters in the link towards Jenny’s backup poll, and that failed again. Please, if you have not voted in those vote there as well. I hope you find it in the kindness of your hearts to give me a mild punishment.” He bowed as he ended his pleading.