Barney's wife lays down the law

"Honey, I'm home," Barney said, the sun starting to set as he returned from his walkabout. He kept the spear with its shiny obsidian blade. He wasn't a big spear guy, not like some of the guys back at the lodge who were paranoid about the government coming for their spears. But it was nice to have something for protection, and that rock really was snazzy. He liked how the spear felt when he held it.

"Ah, gee, Betts, you look fantastic tonight!" Barney said, as he stretched and stood on his tippy toes to kiss his wife hello. She giggled at him.

"Barney!" she melted into him, "I'm so glad your home! Did that brute of a neighbor finally come to his senses to apologize?"

"Oh, Fred? No. I didn't see him. I ended up taking a walk, clear my head, you know?" Barney said with a chuckle.

"Oh, he is such a freaking asshole!" Betty said, tearing at her napkin.

"Whoa! Betty, hey, no need for the potty mouth, y'know, me and Fred, we go back a long ways. Sometimes we just annoy each other and we need to stay out of each other's hair for a week or two," Barney said, putting up his hands and trying to calm down his seemingly distraught wife.

"Oh, Barney Rubble, you are a such sweet understanding, magnanimous guy! If I weren't married to you already, I'd get down on my knees and marry you all over again!"

"Oh, if I weren't married, I'd be so intimidated by you, Betty, that I don't think you'd give me time of day, my beautiful wife," he said, rubbing her shoulder.

She looked down at him balefully, "Barney M. Rubble, you need to stop talking down about yourself, I swear. You're the best fella a girl could ask for, and I don't want you to think for a second that you're not good enough for me." She ended her little speech with a big wet one right on the lips. Barney was in heaven. Barney knew better than to believe what she was saying though; he knew that he had gotten the best Mesohippus in the race when he landed Betty. He strove every day to make sure that she knew how much he loved her.

"Well, one way or another, I don't care to see that ogre next door until he apologizes like a man," Betty said, turning up her nose. Barney shifted, slightly uncomfortably. Normally, and as recently as a few hours ago, Betty took the high road, and expected Barney to at least meet Fred half-way. She tried to keep herself above the petty squabbles

"Anyways, let's not waste any more time thinking about that unreasonable idiot. I made you dinner!" Betty said excitedly, ushering him to the stone chair. It smelled like Triceratops bourguignon, his favorite.

"Oh, gee, Betts, this looks absolutely positively scrumptious," Barney said, and she beamed back him. She insisted on wrapping his napking around his neck herself, and took station behind him, and started massaging his shoulders, "Aren't you going to eat, Betts?"

She tittered, "No, I've eaten enough today. Need to watch my figure." Barney shook his head. His wife was beautiful at any size, "By the way, I did end up inviting my mother to come over. She should arrive tomorrow, but, I've decided. If she gives my husband any more gruff, I say we kick her out on her old bony ass."

Barney nearly choked on his triceratops. His in-laws never had the highest opinion of him, and it was always very stressful for everyone if Mr. or Mrs. O'Shale had come over. He had never heard his wife declare she was on his side and his side alone. And again, what was with his wife's potty mouth?

"Knock, knock," came a familiar voice. Wilma Flintstone stepped forward into their cave. "Barney, I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but I just want to say that Fred is being ridiculous, and you have my absolute support in this silly little spat!"