Bark and Bite.

Day 5 of The 129th Rasheul Great **** Tournament
10:20AM

Oh, Goldfish Knight was not pleased. Not in the slightest.
Positively steaming, in fact. Didn't need to see him without his helmet to tell you that much.
Which was good, because he had no intention of taking it off.
Even for breakfast.

The dining hall no longer felt like a bustling indoors metropolis since the vast majority of contestants had been cleared out. The Wicked Witch had vanished into thin air. The ninja girl? She was nowhere to be seen! And Lauren... If anything tickled her tastebuds in the diner she sure didn't let anyone know.
That left the exquisite breakfast buffet to four of the seven contestants, their slaves, and a couple of stragglers who lost in the preliminaries. Speed Sylphid was included in that bunch, which made my day! And of course the knight who skulked around the Goldfish all day. Sir Mueller he was called. He sat across the table from his boss, enjoying a roasted pheasant together.
Funny, I didn't recognize that dish from the buffet. I thought they had everything! They had sixteen different types of egg! I didn't even know there were sixteen types of breakfast!

I stormed towards the Goldfish's table, and was met with a deathly glare from behind his visor, "I have nothing to say to you, Heretic. Is it too much to ask to be left in peace for one morning?"
"Well, good morning to you, Sunshine Armor!" I chirped towards him, "Sure is nice knowing how welcome I'm around here. But you know, I actually didn't come here for you."
"Then please begone. There is nothing here except for me. And... For..."
The golden knight turned his gaze slowly to the only other person at the table, his trusted servant, sir Mueller.

Unlike the Goldfish Knight, Mully's helmet rested next to his plate during breakfast. His dark locks, and the handsome face they framed, were for all to see and enjoy. He kept the broad jaw attached to his thick neck clean-shaven. Shimmering plates of iron hung from his heavy frame. His stocky features drove home just how short he was. Short, at least, when compared to the valiant knight he posed himself as. Still, he looked reliable and approachable. Like a cute little teddy bear.
He stopped the fork on its way to his mouth upon realizing he had become the center of attention.

I slid onto the bench across from Mully. The Goldfish scooted away when I got close. He grunted at me. I ignored him. My eyes were peeled at the knight in shining, non-golden armor. I flashed him my most welcoming smile, as if there was no one else in the world I'd rather see.
"So, heard you were in the A-bracket, huh?" I started, "Same as Sanakia! Same as the Wicked Witch of Miracles for that matter. I'll be facing her next in the Arena, you know?"
"So I have heard. To be truthful, I too exchanged blows with that most foul wench. Alas, my trusty Iron Shield was no match against her Destructo Beam, and I perished forthwith."
"Ouch." I chuckled, brushing away a strand of hair, "Yeah, can't imagine it'd be nice to get hit by that thing. Lucky you that ****'s just a mild inconvenience around here."
"Truly, yes." He sighed, "And yet... I would gladly have perished a thousand times to that Black Beam, if my trusted Iron Shield would have been spared. Yet fate in its cruelty has decreed that the Arena Magic works on people only. Not on inanimate equipment."

"You're preaching to the choir here. Is it impressive that these guys have figured out how to bring back anyone from the cold clutches of oblivion? Sure! But what kind of life is it without my inventions... The apples of my eye?"
"Indeed!" Mully barked out inordinately excited, "The slaughter which transpires within the Arena is justified, they say, for the combatants never suffer enduring harm, or perish forevermore. But what of the love and labor we have dedicated our kit? That is beyond their magic! Once exhausted in the meat grinder it can be er return! Yet to the spectators they are but metal bent out of shape!"
I scoffed, "Oh, absolutely! I mean, what do they expect us to do? Not bring sentimental objects into a dangerous war-zone?"
"You speak truth. Absolute madness! Next they will ask us to separate the heads from our necks if it is inconvenient!"
I nodded, "Uh huh. I bet that shield of yours was one of a kind. A brother that fits around your arm. But hey, at least now I've got the chance to avenge your little shield in the Arena tomorrow!"
He shook his head, "That shan't be necessary. I do grieve the loss of my shield even now, yet I have accepted the outcome. My Iron Shield stood with me to the bitter end, perishing in my place so that I may live." Mully raised his cup, "A toast then. To the weapons that serve us, not merely as reliable protectors, but also as heraldry, and fateful friends!"
"Uh, sure."

I raised my cup in tandem with his movement. Not that I actually had a cup. I figured an imaginary cup would make do. I finished up the toast and chugged down the imaginary Diet Dr Pepper, after which we shared a laugh. The Goldfish, meanwhile, looked away annoyed.
I wasn't going to mind him the slightest though. My focus was on Mully, "So anyways, you wanna go grab a bite together later?"
"You wish to dine together? But it is dining in which we are engaged now, is it not?"
"Sure is! But I don't mean like this. I mean like on a date!"

I bet Mueller was glad he took his helmet off when he sprayed ale from his mouth like a fountain.
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "Ah, uhmn... I see. What?"

"Let's go on a date! Come on! What do you say? I get one day off for this whole Tournament deal. Perfect for a cute little date with a gentleman like yourself."
The Goldfish Knight stared down his retainer, who seemed to shrink in his seat.
Oops! Did I make an awkward situation? Maybe I should've asked him out when the Goldfish Knight wasn't lurking around. But listen, I wasn't about to play coy. Who knows what audacious dame will snatch him up if I don't act fast?

Mully's eyes shifted nervously between me and his Golden master. He fidgeted around with his knife and fork, pushing them around on the table trying to fix them to their ideal configuration. His gaze lingered on the Goldfish Knight, waiting for the inevitable roar of righteous indignation to command him to stand down. But it never came.
He cleared his throat, facing me with his very best sad puppy-dog eyes. He took a deep breath, bracing himself to rip off this bandaid.
Oh boy.
This was gonna hurt. I had to dedicate all my effort to keep my strained smile from slipping.

"I am sorry. I cannot see this working out. One day you will find someone worthy of your adoration, but it shan't be me." He let out an exasperated sigh.

I knew he was going to say something along those lines. Still, it hurt like a bitch.
My smile faded. I couldn't keep it up, even if I wanted to, "Huh. That's... Yeah. Fair enough..."

"Sir Mueller?" The Goldfish Knight interjected.
"Yes, my Lord?"
"Am I to understand you would utterly crush the hopes of this fair maiden when she bares her heart to you? In my presence?"
Oh. Wait, what did he say? Did I imagine it, or is he shipping us together?

Mueller's face twisted in a mix of fear and bewilderment, "Uh... N-no. No, my Lord. I– I mean, I thought..."
The Goldfish banged his fist on the table, "You will court this young lady today! And you will give her an experience she will never forget!"
"Y-yes, sir! Sorry, sir.." He turned to me again, "Miss Carlyle, I take back what I said earlier. I would love to go on a date with you."
A smile grew back on my face. But now it was a decidedly teasing smile , "You really don't have to, Mully. Not if you don't want to. You don't have to feel **** or anything."
"N-no! That's... That's not it! I, uh... I was just..."

What a smooth-talker.
I couldn't help but laugh watching him squirm, "I'd love to go on a date with you. You gonna wear that armor with you though?"
Mueller cleared his throat, "Yes. I much rather keep it on. Unless it is too much of an encumbrance on your patience."
"Nah. Keep it on. It's probably for the best. After all, you never know when I try to bite~"

The way his face turned red as a tomato told me he wasn't gonna show up in that thing.

I laughed adoringly at his reaction, "Then we'll see each other at five. Let's meet in the lounge, then I'll let you take the reins for the evening. That works for you?"

"That sounds perfect. I shall be looking forward to it, miss Carlyle. I am missing you already."
"Yeah..." I got up, "But I bet you're not gonna mind watching me leave."
I winked at him, twirling around and, as if driving the point home, walked away with a sway to my hips. I looked over my shoulder as I waved goodbye.

Looks like my evening was all set!
That called for some waffles with cloudberries!
With a bounce in my step, I made my way to the table I had reserved for myself and my Bat Girl. I told her all about the good news while she ate her breakfast.

"What happened to doing your book report? Weren't you focused on that?" She asked.
"...Don't you go ruin this for me." I snapped, "Who says I can't do both? In fact, this is something I gotta do before I can start concentrating. I mean, I've spent the past half week or so eviscerating people I hardly know. I'm a lover, not a fighter! I need time to unwind and cool down. And frankly, I deserve it!"
"Yeah... But Mueller though? He's from the A-bracket. And got eliminated. You'd basically have to try and get eliminated from the A-bracket!"
"Sure," I shrugged, "But hey! Maybe there's more to being a good partner than gutting someone before thousands of strangers who cry out for blood. Just saying."
"And you're gonna look for your Prince Charming... In Goldie's crowd?"
I chuckled, "Well, to be frank... The selection around here ain't great. The Goldfish Knight's out. Dating your sworn mortal enemy would just be weird. And as for Ziggy, I don't date my experiments on principle. And I'm pretty sure Ben's not into girls at all. All of that is besides the point though. I don't really like judging people by who they hang out with. The truth is, this guy at least tried to speak up when Bird Brain was in danger. He can't be all that bad"

Bat Girl sighed "All right. If you're sure he's the one..."
I whipped my head back laughing, "The one? Yeah, I doubt that. I just felt like going on a date. It's the perfect excuse to dress myself up all nice, hit the town and be adored by some guy. And hey, who knows? Maybe at the end of the day I'll get lucky and get to take him back to my room!"
"Kind of sounds like a lot of trouble to get down and dirty. I just tend to bonk the guy I fancy and drag him off to my bedroom."
"Well, thanks to the Goldfish Knight, there's no need for that! Never imagined him of all people becoming my wingman. Maybe there's a really swell guy inside all that gold after all? Maybe he's not that much of an..."

"INTHOLENT KNAVE! WE NEED TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU!"
I turned to the lithping voicthe who interrupted me, and... Oh, look. The Snake Lady stood there with arms crossed, sneering down at us.
"Why, good morning!" I waved towards our new guest, "Why so glum, chum? Don't tell me you're still sore cause I beat you with a dangerous plague biologically engineered to exterminate your species? Let's face it, we were both at each other's throat back then. Neither really wanted to concede victory. But that's all water under the bridge now! We're all good friends here! Right?"
"Yeah! Grab some waffles, why don't you?" The Bat Girl chimed in.
"Sit down!" I added, patting an empty spot on the bench.
"We all can have a nice chit chat!"

"Thilencthe!" The Snake Lady snapped, "The outcome of yethterdayth mattcthh ith the leatht of Our concthernth! You confined Uth in that dark tentacle cthhamber! For hourth! You got any idea what they did to Uth!? And when We got out... What thhould We find, but Our beloved thrallth gone!?"
"Oh... Is that so?" I shared her a sympathetic frown, "That's terrible! Isn't it terrible, Batty?"
"Yeah!" Bat Girl said, "That's almost as terrible as having slaves to begin with!"
"I know, right?" I tisked, "But hey! Maybe there's a lesson in all of this? Maybe they wouldn't have left if you'd taken care of your slaves better, right?"
Bat Girl nodded, "Treat them like people."
"At the end of the day, you reap what you sow."

She bared her teeth, her frustration becoming ever more apparent, "Your act will not work on Uth! We all know well that you were behind their dithappearancthe!"
"Do we now?" I cocked my head, "First thing I've heard of that."
"Yeah." Bat Girl pointed at Snakey with her fork, "Wasn't Allie trying to save you? Cook up a cure for what ails ya."
"I didn't have to do that, you know?"
"And this is how she is repaid?" She rested her fork on her lips in shock indignaion, "With baseless accusations?"

The Snake Lady stepped closer, "Thothe thlaveth were Ourth! You will Uth where they are thith inthancthe, or We thhall make your life a living hell!"
"...They are happy." I answered her, looking sternly into her eyes, "Not that I've got a clue what happened or where they went, but that much I do know. They are happy. And they are safe. That's more than can be said when they were under your power."
"They feel what We tell them to feel! Whether they are happy, or thad, that ith entirely up to Uth!"
I narrowed my eyes, "Well, now it's entirely up to them. How about we leave it at that and move on?"
"Thith ith not over. Your little friendth are out there. And they are thtill Ourth. One day or another, thooner or later, they will get back to under my heel. Where they belong. And when they do, the fate they will thuffer for their intholencthe will be immenthe. And it will be all becauthe of you!"

She breathed heavily after her little harangue. She clenched her fists, her front-tail coiling around her hips and waist. Our eyes were kept locked in an unofficial staring contest. And neither of us were about to budge.
"...That man you thpoke of earlier." Snake Lady spoke in a much softer voice, "Thtalin I believe you called him?"
"Stalin, yeah. What about him?"
"...Do you thuppothe, at the end, he wath happy with hith reign?"
I looked back at Bat Girl, taken aback, "Uh, good question. I don't think anyone knows for sure. He didn't exactly get the chance to show vulnerability that often."
The Snake Lady whimpered softly.
"But hey," I continued, "He did protect his land from a guy who was somehow even worse. Pretty sure he was happy with himself about that."
"...And the other guy, wath he happy?"
"Well... If I recall my history lessons right, everyone who refused to be controlled by him banded together and took him down. He then took his own life before he could answer for all the horrible things he did."

The Snake Lady shirked more for each word I spoke.
"...We wanted power only tho We could lead people into a better future."
"I know." I replied, "Everyone has their own idea about how to make the world a better place. That's kind of the problem; if you take control away from someone, you build only at the expense of others chances to build their own world. A real leader should unite others under their vision, encouraging them to work towards it together."

The Snake Lady opened her mouth, but no words came out. Her eyes watered, and she whimpered.
"W–W–We– We c-could be a real leader– If– If W-we–"

BOOOOM!

For a moment the whole world shook.

The Snake Lady screamed.
I screamed.
The Bat Girl grunted in annoyance.

Next thing I knew my waffles were spread across the floor. So was I for that matter.
The three of us were stacked in a heap under the flipped table.
The world spun around me.
A shrill whistling rang in my ear. Which was a bit funny, cause beyond the screen of smoke and ash, people frantically ran around like headless chickens.

The explosion had frozen into a puffy black cloud, its smokey tendrils trailing burning debris that long since hit the ground.
I shook my head, regaining my bearings.

Oh, boy!
I've been waiting for that! I knew exactly what to do! I crawled from underneath the pile of girls, drawing the pistol I kept holstered on my ankle for just this occasion. I jumped on to the table, aiming the gun at Sylph's table.
I screened the room for someone who looked like the mad bomber.

"Relax, girls!" I yelled to those behind me, "I figured it out. The bomber is after Sylph!"
I could hear Snake Lady coughing behind me, "Thylph?"
"That's right. Sylph. But I'm not gonna let him get away! This dork ruined my waffles! And now it's time to pay!"
Sylph's little stunt had cost Ojou Sama her strongest and most loyal servant. No way she was gonna take that lying down. Something this dramatic and terrible was bound to happen.

Snake Lady pointed towards the center of the explosion, "But... Our table ith there!"
I lowered my gun, "...Eh?"
My heartbeat calmed down. I took a moment to examine the wreckage before me. The feast had mixed with excessive amounts of ashes and painted in splats over the floor and walls. Sylph's table was indeed broken into splinters, but it wasn't from where the smoke rose.
Sylph wasn't even there.

"Hey! Don't worry, guys!"
I peered to the inordinately excitable voice, finding Sylph stepping out from the screen of smoke. Behind her she dragged a portly man in a black suit by his collar.
"This is the clown who thought juggling high-yield explosives would be hilarious!"
She poked him in his protruding belly, "Wanna tell us what you were doing here? Huh?"
The middle-aged man with a pointy black mustache sneered defiantly up at the badass babe.
"Ah, tall dark and silent, are we?" She smirked, "Bet the tentacle beasts in the basement are gonna love that in a man!"
"...Fine." He growled, his narrow eyes shifting left and right to make sure everyone paid attention, "If a confession is what you want, a confession is what I shall bestow. It was a paid complot. Two conspirators were involved. One, a galmon. A centaur, to be exact. The other... I can only describe her as some crazy broad who fancied herself an angel."

Oh...
Oh crap.