BAE Chapter 29

“Was it a pleasant visit?” Alfred asks as Barbara climbs into the back of the Rolls. Barbara squeezes one eye shut in pain as she peels down her leggings to expose her hip. She injects herself with another dose of the steroid, then drops the empty needle in the cupholder.

“You don’t have a sharps disposal box in the Rolls?” she asks dryly, pulling her pants back up and buckling her seatbelt.

“A thousand pardons, Ms. Gordon.”

“It was a little too pleasant, Alfred. I really liked her,” Barbara says, annoyed. “I wasn’t acting. Could it be the steroid?”

“I shouldn’t think so, Ms. Gordon. It does have particular properties, but I’ve no reason to think they’d affect one’s emotions. To be fair, you are hardly the first Bat-affiliated person to be smitten with a Beaumont.”

Barbara snorts. “Smitten? I only said that I liked her.”

“It isn’t my first day, Ms. Gordon,” Alfred says, glancing at her in the rearview. He’s in a catty mood. “What were you able to learn?”

“She’s confident. Reads people well.”

“Intelligent?”

“Average at least. It’s more sensitivity than intellect. Her body…” Barbara trails off.

Alfred understands. “You mean to suggest that she might well be the one who wore that costume.”

“Can’t rule it out,” Barbara says with a grimace.

“I hope we haven’t found your Selina Kyle,” Alfred says. Very catty. “Incidentally, she’s escaped Arkham.”

Barbara resists the urge to kick the seat. “Of course she has,” she says through gritted teeth. She locks up one and another one breaks out. This city is slipping away from her and she won’t be hitting the streets tonight. Neither will Kate; not until she can prove that she’s ready.

But Selina’s the least of Barbara’s problems.

Bruce never used the penthouse, but Alfred makes sure to keep it ready for use. The idea was that the Batman would have somewhere to go in the city if he got into trouble and didn’t have time to get back to Wayne Manor. It’s at the top of a tall building within sight of Wayne Tower and GCPD. The building is gothic with tall, narrow windows. The apartment has high ceilings and boasts only a few tasteful decorations. It’s bare and minimalist, but also clean and spacious. Airy. Barbara doesn’t like it, but it’s better than the House. She wishes that her place was just a little bigger, but not nearly this big.

Barbara gingerly conducts a walkthrough, declining Alfred’s offer to cater the evening. Satisfied that Talia Al Ghul isn’t hiding in any of the closets, Barbara showers and prepares.

The dress that Alfred prepared is waiting for her on the bed in the master bedroom, along with various other things. Barbara picks up a diamond necklace. This probably belonged to Bruce’s mother. It’s sweet that Alfred seems so eager to adopt her, but Barbara isn’t stupid. Dick is a one-in-a-million talent, but he’s no genius. Jason was a screwup, but he had heart. Tim is a genius, but there’s a reason he didn’t stay on the street for long. Alfred knows that Bruce can’t handle it alone. He doesn’t dote on Barbara because he likes her, he dotes on her because he thinks she’s the partner that Bruce needs. And if Bruce doesn’t come back, Alfred is telling himself that Barbara is the one with the best chance of not ruining the legacy of the Bat.

It's not because Barbara is so great. The bar is just low. If not her, who? Dick won’t, Tim can’t, Jason’s dead, and Kate? Barbara sighs and puts the necklace down. Alfred is very sweet, but he didn’t think this through.

She picks up the lingerie that he’s provided. These sheer, cheeky panties are no doubt comfortable and flattering. But he’s forgotten that Barbara has a penis. It’s the first time she’s ever known Alfred to make a mistake. Well, he isn’t getting any younger. It doesn’t matter. Barbara doesn’t expect anyone to see her underwear tonight. She can just wear her normal ones. The dress is satin and clingy. The neckline plunges ruthlessly, so Barbara hopes that Summer likes breasts. The jewelry does bring it together, though.

Barbara puts her hair up in a clip and spends more time on her makeup than she ever did for Dick. That makes her smile. But Dick is nothing if not easy to please. Of course, as Barbara thinks about Riley, Talia, and Kate, it’s not lost on her that now that she’s like this, she isn’t very difficult to please either.