Another near experience

John’s hand reached for his inventory. The words he’d heard were nothing if not threatening. If they had the power to freeze time, then he might be in for the fight of his life. Only for a handsome looking face to pop up right in front of him. “BOO!”

“Fuck!” John cursed as his hand shot towards his heart, his heart rate shooting up like a flamboyant Brit in that one song.

“HAHAHA, IT ALWAYS GETS THEM. OH, I’M KILLING IT.” A gray skinned man laughed out loud, leaning against a scythe as he casually looked the hunter over.

“Why?” was all that John could get out, the threat level he felt just seconds ago already gone as he, like every moment since he’d entered the Abyss, felt like he was the butt of some cruel divine reality show.

“BECAUSE, OH, ONE MOMENT, EXCUSE ME.” A loud cough followed. “Because it’s funny? And because it makes you feel alive, right?” the man said with a huge smirk.

“No, not that. I figured you have your reasons. Why can I hear you talking in capslock is what I mean?” John clarified as he tried to breathe through the minor heart attack the other person had just given him.

“Oooh, that? Well, I try to appear in the way people expect to encounter me. I am ****, nice to meet you.” The man did a curt little bow, shooting him a playful wink before continuing, “Most folks call me Thanatos though. You might have heard about me. I once went to a house party that went on too long and suddenly the host was in Tartarus for all eternity, man, the old days were weird.”

“Didn’t you get captured?”

“Oh, I did, which is why it’s deserved that he’s still down there, but you know what they say. Don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story. Telling it this way is way more fun.”

John couldn’t help but have his doubts briefly, casting Observe as he took in more of the self proclaimed deity in front of him.

Thanatos
God of **** (Greek)
The physical embodiment of the end of the line. The scythe that rends the soul from the body to free them for their trip to the underworld. Often mistaken for an ill omen, Thanatos does not cause ****, he just appears when someone’s time is up. Usually.

“So…” John started, trying to formulate the most obvious question he could think of, “am I, like, dead dead this time?”

“Knew that was coming; nah, you’re not. Don’t worry. You’re still very much alive though that jumpscare might’ve just shaved a few minutes off your life. Sorry about that,” Thanatos casually spoke as he shrugged.

“Then please, can you tell me what I can do for you? I don’t want to be rude. And perhaps I am talking too casually to a god by now, but well. My life’s weird, and normally people come to me with an agenda or two. So…” John gestured with his hand, inviting Thanatos to keep talking.

Thanatos smirked wider. Waving his hand dismissively he stated, “Oh, no worries. I’ve heard way worse. Do you have ‘any’ idea how many people ask to speak to Hades himself when I come to pick them up? Damn Karens, thinking they are important enough to warrant his personal attention. You’re good. I came to get you though. The big man down there wants a word with you. I don’t think you’re in trouble. It just isn’t everyday that a late bloomer gets into a row with Charon and then leaves again, pun intended. What I’m trying to say is, the powers that be down below want a word. And if you play your cards right, you might just walk out of it with a solution to that problem you just mentioned. Sounds fair to you?”

John’s head was buzzing, thoughts flashing back to how he and the ferryman had indeed disagreed about something. But to have word of it reach up the chain further, that he hadn’t expected. “Well, I don’t really see a reason to say no. I do need to ask though, Charon himself said I wasn’t allowed to go because I wasn’t dead yet. Has that policy changed, or?”

“Well, not really. Living people don’t tend to be allowed entry; there have been some exceptions over the years though so what’s one more, right? You don’t happen to play the harp, do you? Have a way of wrestling a three headed good boy to show to a guy living in a pot? Ah no, forget it. I’ll just do it the old fashioned way then. Come with me. Cerberus won’t bite.”

“Before we go, one more question. Are they, like, frozen in time?” John asked as he pointed at Cynthia, Jack and Toph.

“You catch on quickly! You see, I’m ****. Yeah? People die all the time, I have to be in multiple places at once. So, I kinda get to play around with it. Right now, you and I are having an entire conversation in what I like to call: Thanatime. For the world, time has stopped. Or, differently put, you’re just having a very, very, very long nanosecond.”

“It has no bad effects on them, right? Like, they’re not going to suffer brain damage because of a lack of oxygen or anything else those science fuckery things people on tv theorize about if time were to suddenly stop?” John asked with a worried look.

“None. Do you ever suffer side effects from being near a dying person? You never notice. It’s gonna be fine. Now, if there are no more questions, you and I got a date with the big man!” With a dramatic flair, Thanatos twirled his big scythe into his hand, and without a second’s pause, brought it down right through John’s body. Before John could scream, he found himself, not bisected, sinking through the floor. Thanatos’ smiling face imprinted on his retina while a sudden sense of deja vu came over John. Hadn’t he done this just a few days ago in reverse?