Andromeda Date 1, Part 2: Main Phase

Andromeda

“Oh, and before we begin, you got a late fan-mail letter present, Andromeda,” the Host intones.

“Oh?” both Andromeda and Mona ask.

Tyalangan removes a trade binder from her inventory and presents it to the arcanist android. It doesn’t have the usual elastic band to keep things closed, but a leather strap with a golden buckle. The cover has a golden “A”, framed in angel wings, emblazoned on it. Andromeda opens it. After flipping through the card sleeves, all of the cards therein are blank?

“What is this?”

“Leylines as Garfield intended,” Tyalangan snarks. With a snap of her fingers, a magic item description appears:

Logical Leylines (300 pack) – These magical pieces of cardstock can perfectly mimic the printing of Leylines: The Converging cards. Once assigned to a particular printing, the card will remain mimicking it until it is either returned to a trade binder or attempted to be sold/traded. Cards are immune to foil curling and will stay in mint condition.

Andromeda looks annoyed, “You know I could have used this to build some proper Vintage decks ahead of this date, right?”

“And what Vintage deck would you think Mona would enjoy playing? Especially against a control deck, which is notoriously frustrating for a new player to come up against?”

That is a good point. Andromeda sighs. The arcanist android hopes she is facing a camera as she says, “Thank you, Aurelia. I will use them well.”

The bunny-girl behind the counter sasses, “And don’t forget I sell cards, too!”

Tina has appeared in her cloud of silver bunnies. “Ladies and miscellaneous in our audience, presenting our main event tonight. A two-headed giant DDH match between our Mistress and her girl Andromeda versus my Mistress and her girl Mattie! Obviously, these two are unable to face the might of my Mystra pre-con, so they will have to settle for going up against these lesser decks. Time for Deity Docket!”

Tyalangan goes first, adding some pizzazz to her voice. “Presenting Sardior, The Sparkling. A 6/6 flying dragon deity for 3WUG. He also has an ability to where, when another permanent enters my battlefield, I get to look at the top of my library. If the card matches the same type of permanent I just played, I can put it in my hand. Mattie?”

Mattie winks and says, “I have Garl Glittergold, The Priceless. A 2/4 gnome deity for 1RUG. He has an ability to where, when I cast my first spell of my turn, I get to exile the top card of an opponent’s library and make a treasure. Then, if I have as many artifacts as the leylines cost of the exiled card, I can cast it for free. Otherwise, I can cast it during the rest of my turn. Mona?”

Mona looks excited, “Meet THE TRIPLE HEADED TARRASQUE! It’s a cool giant dinosaur deity 9/9 with 3 heads! It’s got a bunch of those keyword thingies; a thing where, when it’s cast, I get to untap all of my leylines; and three different powers. It’s the biggest, and therefore bestest, deity in game that I have seen. Andromeda?”

Andromeda tries her best not to show her minor annoyance. She sighs, “And I have Ramenos, God of the Batrachi. A 3/3 demon deity for 1BUG. The first face-down creature I cast on every turn is free and I draw a card for every face-down creature that enters my battlefield. An engine creature that would not work in a real format.”

Next is the song and dance of the pre-game ritual. Uncomfortably large decks are shuffled. Cuts are offered. Andromeda is sitting in front of Tyalangan, who merely took the top card of the deck and put it to the bottom, just like in the dream; Andromeda does a thorough shuffle or two to the Host’s deck in response. Mattie ends up shuffling Mona’s deck for her. Then, Mona makes a joke about needing a cleaver, but takes a chunk of Mattie’s deck to the bottom. They play a quick round of “yachtzee” to figure out which pair is going first, with Mona winning.

When Andromeda draws her opening hand (2 leylines, a rampant growth, an exit specialist, a naga spellsnatcher, a seedborn muse, and an ooze enigma), she starts to see what the deck is trying to do. The problem with morph that kept it out of proper eternal formats is that it is expensive to flip most of them. And, usually, the resulting creature is not worth playing a gray ogre in the meantime. Ramenos gets around the initial cost. Assuming she gets another leyline, she can cast Ramenos on turn three and, assuming she draws a morph creature at a reasonable rate, she gets 3 leylines worth of a morph creature and an extra card a turn. This hand is kind of keepable.

Now to help Mona. Andromeda looks through Mona’s starting seven. 2 leylines, a wood elves, a lifecrafter’s bestiary, an explorer’s stampede, a goldknight angel, an a warstorm surge. Mona is especially excited by the angel. Andromeda wants to point out that 7 leylines is a long ways away, especially since neither of her leylines generate the right colors, but Mona says, “KEEP!” before Andromeda could object.

“You really shouldn’t keep that hand, Mona.”

“But, this card is so cool! I’m sure I’ll win if I can play it!”

Tyalangan from across the table muses, “It’ll be fine. The stakes have never been lower. Unless...”

Shoot. “Is it too late for you to assign me the minor quest to win this game?”

“Ah, help me win my first game, Andromeda!”

And the quest was assigned, displayed in a Tina provided illusion:

Andromeda’s Week 1 Quest – Assist Mona in winning the game

Reward: A spell scroll appropriate to the winning methodology.

Fair enough. Another spell option for tomorrow would be nice.

Tina is sitting on the card display counter, Esmeralda leaning beside her. The elder bunny declares, “Looks like everyone is keeping, so let’s get this party started! Mona and Andromeda, it’s your go!”

Like a mantra, Andromeda drones, “Untap, Upkeep, Draw.”

Andromeda tunes out the table talk. She gives explanations for rules as they draw their cards. Andromeda drew a hauntwoods shrieker. A method to flip a morph creature for 1G instead of the usual cost. Reduces the cost of the spellsnatcher flip by 4. Mona drew a Knight of the Reliquary. A land tutor? Interesting.

“Main Phase One. Mona play that leyline.”

Andromeda plays an overgrown tomb, tapped. Mona plays a mosswort bridge; her hideaway trigger shows 4 leylines. Bad luck. Mona puts the bounce leyline under the bridge and they pass the turn.

The Host and her wife draw a card and each play a leyline: a snow covered forest for Tyalangan, a slagwood bridge for Mattie. The sea elf also plays a noble hierarch. They pass.

“Untap, Upkeep, Draw.”

Mona draws an heroic intervention. Andromeda draws a deadly fugitive. Hmm... Another flip cost reducer, but can turn cards on top of an opponent’s deck into more morph creatures and will draw cards. They each play a leyline, then Andromeda uses rampant growth to get an additional basic blue leyline onto her field. Just need to draw a leyline next turn and I am ready to start generating some value.

Their opponents’ turn is busy. They draw and Mattie plays an artifact called lantern of insight. It requires that everyone plays with the top card of their deck face up. Mona has a vastwood seer on top, Andromeda has a basic green leyline, Tyalangan has an eternal king, and Mattie has a wizened snitches. The astral elf curses as she plays a mystic sanctuary for her leyline. Tyalangan plays a breeding pool, taking 2 life to let it come into play untapped, and plays a wood elves, grabbing a canopy vista. Tyalangan’s top card is another leyline, one that will come into play untapped. She’ll have 5 leylines worth of mana next turn. Dangerous.

“Untap, Upkeep, Draw.”

Mona draws the vastwood seer, revealing a basic green leyline. Andromeda draws what Mona revealed, revealing another leyline. Mona has eight cards in hand and can’t do anything relevant with them, discarding the knight at the end of the turn (to Andromeda’s displeasure).

Andromeda, on the other hand, can do a lot. She plays her deity from the deity zone, then immediately morphs in the exit specialist, drawing the revealed leyline and flipping a ghastly conscription to the top of her library. Mass reanimation spell? Would have preferred that not to be revealed.

The Host and Mattie draw. The top of Tyalangan’s deck is a removal spell of a sort; on thin ice is an oblivion ring than enchants a snow covered leyline. Mattie reveals a frostfire signet. The astral elf plays a sapflow signet, while the sea elf plays both a sunforest verge and a faerie archmage. Counterspell on the board. We need to be careful.

“Untap, Upkeep, Draw.”

Cards drawn, two leylines revealed, two leylines played. Mona casts her own wood elves, grabbing the canopy vista from the top (which comes into play untapped, since she has two basic green leylines); after shuffling, she reveals a cinder glade. Andromeda gets to again play a lot. She places the spellsnatcher (to have a counterspell handy of her own), drawing a leyline, then casts the ooze enigma. They move to combat, where the ooze enigma lets her morph in the seedborn muse, drawing the already revealed yaun-ti worshipping assassin. They pass the turn with a den protector on top of Andromeda’s deck.

Their opponents draw cards and reveal the eternal king and an ingenious artillerist. After swinging in for 3 damage with the faerie archmage, Tyalangan taps out for Sardior and Mattie, missing another leyline drop, plays the firefrost signet. Okay, that deity is going to be a problem, but I have an answer on board. Mattie is missing leyline drops and Mona is starting to fix her mana issue. We got this.

Craig

Craig is pissed and terrified. He’s out of money, can’t rely on Mona to pay for his stuff, and is almost out of time. He needs a solution, and fast. Didn’t that blue dyke bitch say something about killing giant rats in the introduction for XP?

So, he barges out of the Hotel and find the nearest guards, demanding to be taken to the nearest batch of giant rats to kill. The guards laugh. Craig rages. He almost decides that the guards must be worth XP only for one of the dykes on staff to approach. The guards stop laughing, shifting to full attention.

“So, Mr. Dougie, you wish to offer your services to deal with crime? We were planning a raid tonight. Assuming you can be respectful, come with me.”

Craig follows. The dyke skank leads him to a bunch of guards in a meeting room. She’d be hotter without the scowl. And with the metal bikini top off. The dyke points to an empty chair. He sits.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are heading to the dark recesses of the Drow District. The Foot Fetish Clan is at it again.”

While the guards gasp, Craig snorts, “Foot Fetish Clan? Really? What makes a bunch of mouth-breathing losers that would call themselves that so scary?”

“The Foot Fetish Clan are the most notorious gang of illegal pornographers in the entire Mithril Coast. They are a scourge to hard working adult entertainers everywhere.”

Again, Craig finds it hilarious, “You’re telling me that there is such a thing as illegal pornography?”

“It is illegal to make explicit images of another adult without their written consent. The Foot Fetish Clan fills the seedier areas of town with tons of illegal feet pics. Or are you okay with people being sexual used without consent?”

The guards all declare, “No, Knight-Commander, Ma’am!”

Whipped wimps.

The guard reports indicate that the Foot Fetish Clan is in the far end of the Drow District. The Knight-Commander is leading a squad against them tonight. If Craig wants a chance to kills giant rats, this is his opportunity. Surely, I can beat up a bunch of porn nerds. It’ll be easy.

Tegan

Finding out that Tegan gets to keep the equipment she buys is a revelation.

After dinner, she heads back to the parrot. She has purchases to make. The fox-girl endures the fog horn and cheesy greeting. When she can finally get a word in edgewise, Tegan demands, “I want a shortbow.”

Airika is all grins. “Oooh, our little fox-girl wants a shortbow? That can certainly be arranged. Before we begin the purchase, I need to remind you of the ‘only sexy ****’ rule. Using a weapon while breaking that rule will result in harsher penalties. Understand?”

Tegan gulps, but nods. She is no fool. The blue-skinned freak showed Tegan that she needs to be much stronger to even have a chance at extracting compensation for the indignities this game has brought her.

Airika smiles, giving the girl a wink. “That unpleasantness out of the way, what all are we getting?”

The parrot is disappointed, but Tegan feels like she made out quite well. A shortbow of her own, a hip quiver like the one she used in the biathlon, and 80 arrows (a set with practice tips, the rest broadheads), all for 3 BP? And none of them are enchanted with perverted magic? Tegan is happy as a clam, tail wiggling with glee, as she walks to the range.

Tegan: -3 BP

A sign hangs on the post framing the entrance to the range: “Busy tonight, Tiny Tits. Don’t hurt yourself – Mattie!”

Tegan growls as she heads to the range. The angry archer starts by securing her hip quiver to her right leg; she loads it with the practice tip arrows. She strings her new bow and gives it some practice draws. Feels good, feels right in her hands. Arm guard strapped to her left forearm, finger guard on her right hand, she nocks an arrow. She fires, hitting a stuffed prairie dog in the head.

The whimsical targets make practice a bit of a game. She’d scan the kitschy range, line up a shot at a random knick-knack, and fire as quickly as she can. Soon enough, her quiver is empty and she has the drudgery of retrieving arrows. It has been a while since she had to fetch her arrows herself. Still, those arrows are hers. Not the Olympics team’s. Not the Hotel’s. Hers. And she is very possessive of her things.

She goes several more rounds, emptying her quiver into the nonsense range, collecting her arrows, lining up to do it again. The competition is tomorrow. She’s going to win it. The others will learn that Mona is Tegan’s first and they will only be tolerated (and, eventually, befriended fully) if they accept that.

Arms and back pleasantly sore, the fox-girl heads to the Hotel to get some well earned rest. Tomorrow, she’ll show the others that her spot is above them. The others have been playing at warriors; Tegan is the true champion among them.