And there'll be sun, sun, sun all over our faces, and sun, sun, sun, so what the heck

Nick had been determined to keep the date going. He wasn’t going to let Cinder’s bad attitude ruin something that Ella had been looking forward to for such a long time.

But unfortunately, Cinder didn’t seem to be reciprocating.

“So you didn’t want to pet the lions, that’s fine,” Nick said, trying to maintain a positive attitude. “Makes sense, most people wouldn’t be cool with that. But hey, we can go see other animals! Are there any that you want to see for yourself?”

Slowly, Cinder turned to face him. Her expression was devoid of emotional weight, and she looked him dead in the eye, not a ball of rage and meanness for once in her life.

“You think I want to stare at a bunch of shitty fucking animals locked up in cages, just so I can remind myself what life is going to be like for me when I eventually return to earth?” She asked bluntly, her eyes flickering with rage.

Nick winced. That… that was more like Cinder.

She stomped forward, getting right up in his face, and narrowed her eyes. “This was Ella’s stupid fucking date idea, not mine,” she hissed. “You think I give a damn about looking at animals? Why would you EVER fucking think that?”

Nick could feel Ella’s heart breaking from here, even if she was nowhere to be found in the enraged expression of the girl in front of him. He bit his lip and stood his ground, determined not to disappoint Ella’s expectations.

“Cinder, this is what Ella wanted to do for her date,” he said firmly. “You said you would try to have fun.”

“What?! No I fucking didn’t!” Cinder spat.

Nick winced. “Well… it was implied,” he admitted. “So what, you’re just going to sulk and brood all day, is that it? You’re not even open to the idea of having a good time? Because that sounds to me like you’re not being appreciative of how much effort Ella put into this date, and that’s not fair to her. Or to you, for that matter.”

He could actually hear her teeth grinding together.

“…I don’t understand!” Cinder exclaimed, digging her heel in the cobblestones. “What do you fucking want from me, huh!? We both know this isn’t going to work. I’m not some blushing little flower girl who wants to pet all the cute animals, I’m just a fucking lunatic! So why don’t you just back off!?”

“You think the animals are cute?” Nick zeroed in on that part of the conversation. He knew all about Cinder’s experience with the cat café, which was why he knew that in spite of her tough, hostile exterior, there was a part of her deep down that DID like animals and DID find them to be very cute and adorable.

That was the part he hoped he could draw out of her today; but it seemed like his presence was making things worse.

It wasn’t like he could just pack up and run off, though. He wouldn’t do that. He was going to make this date successful.

“I know you wanted Ella to have a good time today,” Nick said, not flinching in front of Cinder’s hostile ****. “It’s sweet. You’re a very caring girl, Cinder, I know that. …At least for Ella, anyway.”

“Of course I am!” Cinder snarled at him, narrowing her eyes. “Ella is precious to me! Why should I give a damn about anyone who isn’t?!”

Nick couldn’t answer that question. And while part of him wanted to push the issue and confront Cinder about how she felt about him, he knew better than to go that far right now.

He wanted Cinder to come around on him for herself. And that would take a lot more tact than he had available, unfortunately.

Still- he could try.

“Then you should know how much Ella was looking forward to this date,” Nick told her.

Cinder bit her lip and glared venomously at Nick through her bangs. She’d agreed to go on the date- wasn’t that enough?! That was already way more compromise than this piece of shit deserved from her!

“I do know,” she muttered. “Ella is my other self. She’s been wanting to spend time with you all week, and you’ve been blowing her off! And now you have the cahones to pretend like all of a sudden you give a damn about her feelings?! Don’t make me fucking laugh!”

“Yeah, I do ‘give a damn’ about her feelings,” Nick replied honestly. No matter what Cinder said, Nick wasn’t about to let her cloud the issue. “And do you really know how much she was looking forward to this? It’s not like you share her memories, right?”

Cinder clicked her tongue in frustration. The way her glare narrowed clued Nick in that he was on the right track here.

“Did you know that this morning, Ella used her invisibility mask to follow me all around the hotel while she had other girls deliver her messages?” Nick asked.

“Probably because she was too nervous to be around you!” Cinder snapped. “She was afraid that you were going to reject her, so she didn’t want you to do it to her face!”

“You’re not wrong,” Nick conceded. “But that’s exactly it. “She was afraid of being rejected, because she was really looking forward to it. Someone who puts in that much effort, someone who even chooses a date outfit for her other self, just in case, that’s someone who deserves to be rewarded for her hard work, don’t you think?”

Cinder broke eye contact with Nick for the first time to look down at her clothes. Ella had picked them out herself. The short denim miniskirt that she would never be bold enough to wear, the dark shirt, even the stylish bandana over her choker… and the wristband… the clunky shoes with metal toes… they were all choices Ella had made taking the things Cinder liked into consideration.

She really was a sweet, sweet girl.

Cinder bit her lip and fumed. She slowly raised her head to look Nick in the eye, and he paused. It seemed like she was crying for a moment, but that couldn’t be.

“What a waste…” Cinder murmured in a voice so soft Nick could hardly hear it. The perpetually aggrieved girl hardly ever spoke above a whisper when she was with him, but now she was trembling like a leaf.

“Cinder…”

“A waste,” Cinder repeated, shaking her head. The fury slowly leaked back into her voice. “A fucking waste! She could have had a good time, but no, the two of you had to do something stupid and go touch the fucking lions, and now look at me! I’m right here, **** to go on a date with you, and why!? Because YOU managed to talk her into it!”

“Ella isn’t as fragile as you think she is,” Nick said, speaking up in defense of Cinder’s other half. “I know you exist because Ella needs a protector, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be brave in her own way, Cinder.”

Cinder’s eyes widened for a moment and a cloudy expression crossed her fierce features. “…What do you know about me?” She muttered bitterly. “How dare you assume you know why I’m with Ella, bastard?”

Nick’s eyes widened reflexively and he felt his heart stir with concern and confusion. He hadn’t expected a reaction like that; no, out of all the reactions he expected, that hadn’t been one of them. Rage and anger? Sure, Cinder was made of that, but this anger, it was different from her usual explosive outbursts.

It was almost like he’d touched on something fragile without meaning to. And he wasn’t sure what would happen if he kept pressing on it.

So he backed off. On that part, at least.

“Cinder, you’re right,” he conceded. “I don’t know much about you and Ella, or your relationship. But I do know that after Ella touched the lions, she was exhilarated.”

“Exil-what?” Cinder clicked her teeth together. “The fuck does that mean?”

Right. Nick was a published author and Cinder and Ella never even finished primary school. “…Sorry. I just meant… she seemed excited. Happy.”

“She was probably forcing herself,” Cinder spat. “Because she wanted you to enjoy your date. I know for damn sure Ella would have never gone into that den of lions on her own!”

Nick winced. “You’re not wrong there, I was the one who suggested it,” he admitted. “Because Ella seemed disappointed that the lions weren’t living up to her expectations. But you know something? She may have needed her mask to get the courage to touch that lion, but when she did? She went right back and touched it again. Unless that was you who did it?”

Cinder crinkled her nose in a scowl. “Me? No, that… that wasn’t me,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s my job to keep her safe! You think I’d go and touch a fucking león!? Get myself and Ella killed!?”

“You weren’t in any danger,” Nick reminded her. “Dakota made sure that-”

“Not my fucking point!” Cinder exploded, stomping her foot again. Her tangled curls bounced around as she shook her head, making Nick wonder how Cinder’s hair could get so wild while Ella kept hers completely straight.

Cinder was right though, that wasn’t the point.

“So that means Ella touched it herself, then?” Nick pressed. “Because it had to be one of you who went back for another touch, and if it wasn’t you, Cinder, then…”

The transition period between Cinder and Ella was always a bit of a blur for the both of them. Even when Cinder had a general sense of the pressure Ella was under, she still was never aware of the precise specifics of what triggered the shift.

This time, the first concrete thing Cinder had experienced was the feeling of lion’s fur on her fingers. She remembered that sensation even now, it tingled in her hand.

So what did that mean? Ella had actually gone to touch the lion again? Even though she’d been afraid? Even though she’d had to wear a mask?

Why would she do something like that? Why would she put herself in a position where Cinder could take control on her date?

Cinder had always felt like she had a good general sense of what Ella was after; given their condition, that was only a natural assumption on her part!

But this time, she was at a complete loss as to her alter’s motivations, and when Cinder didn’t understand something she got angry.

And Nick was a convenient target.

She opened her mouth, and saw Nick tense. He was trying not to let his worries show, but Cinder didn’t get to where she was today without being perceptive of every minute shift in a person’s attitude. It was a survival mechanism she’d been **** to cultivate in her childhood, to always be prepared for the needs of her stepmother and stepsisters. Not foreseeing what they wanted when they wanted it was a good way to be deprived of dinner.

But she was loathe to embrace those skills here and now. But how could she not?

Nick was right in front of her, after all. And his concern for Cinder and Ella was coming off of him in waves.

Cinder closed her mouth and grumbled.

“Forget it,” she muttered, shaking her head. “Just fucking forget it. It’s not fucking worth it…”

“What?” Nick asked gently, easing up a little. “What’s not worth it?” He was genuinely concerned for Cinder’s mental state right now. He had no idea how she was feeling or why she was reacting this way (not that he ever did, where Cinder was concerned) but he wanted to reach her somehow.

“Arguing with you,” Cinder muttered, glaring up at him through her bangs. “It’s not fucking worth it…”

Her shoulders sagged and she suddenly looked a lot smaller. And Cinder wasn’t exactly a tall girl to begin with.

“…I’m fucking sorry, okay!? Is that what you want to hear?!” She exploded out of nowhere. But the wave of emotion erupting from the latina was hardly even noticed by Nick, who was too stunned by the words themselves.

An apology from Cinder?

“I don’t know why I’m here, okay!?” She ranted, tugging at the strands of her hair. “Ella’s the one who’s supposed to be here! But you’re stuck with me! And I get it, alright, I KNOW! Ella… Ella can be brave, even if it’s stupid! I shouldn’t have blamed you for it, but… it’s YOUR fault!”

Even when she was apologizing, it was still about how Nick was in the wrong; that seemed on brand for her.

Nola watched from the sidelines, wondering how Nick would handle this shifting of the blame. If it wasn’t ruining a date that she’d kind of been looking forward to herself, she might have actually been entertained by all this; Cinder’s outbursts were pretty cute!

“I fucking hate this!” Cinder wailed in frustration. “I’m not supposed to be the one on the date! Aaargh! Ella, what were you thinking!? Couldn’t you have just not touched the lions?! Then you could have been enjoying your shitty little fucking cute date with this loser, and I wouldn’t have had to get involved at all!”

Ouch. Nick tried not to take that personally. But it was kind of hard not to. Ella and Cinder are two parts of the same person. So for Cinder to be saying all this, does that mean part of Ella feels that way about me? I’d hate for that to be the case.

Nick’s self-esteem was low enough at times where he might seriously consider that to be a possibility. Cinder’s emotions were rather hard to entangle, after all.

But then, that was an example of his own emotions getting the better of him. If Nick stepped aside and looked at things from a more rational perspective, he had plenty of evidence to argue otherwise (not that Cinder would ever accept any of it!) when it came to Ella’s feelings.

She’d been looking forward to this date.

She’d been afraid that Nick wouldn’t want to go on this date.

And when the date finally happened she was so overwhelmed with emotion that she’d nearly thrown up several times.

Then, of course, there was the excitement rolling off her when she was talking about all the animals she’d been looking forward to seeing.

With all that in Ella’s corner, Nick could keep his wits about him and keep from taking Cinder’s rants personally. In a way, he wondered if this was just another defense mechanism of hers.

Cursing him out to avoid confronting how she really felt about him; how Ella really felt about him.

…Well, even if that was the case, Nick wasn’t going to push his luck. Bringing that up now would probably result in some really bad stuff happening, no thank you.

“Cinder…”

“WHAT?!”

He could tell that she was at the end of her rope. Maybe once she burned through all the anger she had left, they could finally have a rational conversation.

…It was nice to dream, anyway.

“Thank you for agreeing to see this date through,” he said sincerely. “I know it’s rough for you. And we both know how much Ella was looking forward to it. So I really appreciate it, thank you.”

Even if Ella couldn’t experience the nice date that she’d planned out for herself, at least her other half would get the chance. That was the best they could hope for.

“…Don’t fucking thank me,” Cinder muttered, unable to even look him in the eye. “It’s not like I have much of a fucking choice.”

True enough. Cinder was too loyal to Ella for that.

“Let’s go see more animals,” Nick urged her. He had a feeling that she’d be more amenable to it now that she’d had a chance to let out some of her frustration. It sucked to be an emotional punching bag, but as far as her usual outbursts went, this one had been surprisingly gentle towards him. Far less personal than he would have expected.

Cinder raised her head and looked him in the eyes. As he’d hoped, her fuming anger had smoldered out slightly into little more than a couple of coals.

“…Fine,” she muttered tiredly. “I’m not going to like it though.”

Nick doubted that was the case. Sure, maybe Cinder wasn’t the kind of person to gush over the adorable animals like Ella had (if you found lions adorable, anyway) but he knew that part of her did still like them.

Which was enough.

“So are there any you’d want to see?” Nick asked, brushing off her superficial rejection of the idea. He wanted her to embrace the zoo not just to make him or Ella happy, but to try and draw her into it.

“No.”

So much for that plan.

“Ella was looking forward to seeing giraffes,” Nick recalled. “You want to go see them?”

“No, giraffes are stupid. All the animals are stupid! I hate animals!”

Great, Cinder was acting like an eight-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. But Nick wasn’t going to let her petulance set the tone.

“We could always go and see the fish,” he suggested with a smile. “I’m sure they have an aquarium here, right, Nola?”

He looked at Nola with one of the most demanding expressions he’d ever made.

The leprechaun actually jumped a little.

“A, an aquarium? Well sure, we’ve probably got one of those around!” Nola said with a smile, fumbling open her mouth. “Yes, right-”

“FINE, we can see the fucking jirafa!” Cinder interrupted her with a growl, grabbing the map from Nola and crumpling it up. “Just no more fucking fish, okay? I fucking hate fish!”

Well, there was no need to be rude about it. But Nick wasn’t upset. In fact, he was actually trying not to smile. Nola grinned at him and gave him a wink.

Maybe it was a little mean to try and play with Cinder’s emotions like this, especially considering how volatile she was. But the more Nick could get Cinder to engage with this date and actually choose things for herself, the better the result would be. He honestly believed that would be the case.

Cinder needed an excuse to have fun. He wasn’t sure he could engineer that specific outcome, but he really, really hoped he could.

Ella had put so much heart into this date; it would be a shame if Cinder didn’t get to enjoy it. One of them needed to.