And then you’re pregnant. Did you even listen during Sex Ed?

It’s simple: man + woman. Penis goes in vagina. Sperm meets egg. Baby grows inside belly. What exactly did you misunderstand in that picture?

Well, no matter. You’ll have months to think about it. And hours of delivery to curse yourself and that mysterious caller. And then a whole life of raising a baby alone, because Mister Fuckboy, currently busy plowing your pussy like there is no tomorrow, is definitely not interested in being a Daddy. In fact, once he goes out this door, the door of this crappy apartment in downtown Ponce, Porto Rico, you’ll never see him again. For a while, convinced by your former white-American-male life that your successes are entirely due to your hard efforts and work ethics, you’ll try to regain a similar life. As the baby grows, your energy levels drop, and you find out that the spell wormed you a life (and gave you a great command of Puerto Rican Spanish, while somehow letting you keep your unaccented Californian American language…) and your own single-mother mother, Anabella, you accept the idea that you are now Graziella, and the best job you’ll ever have here is as a barmaid (and sometimes room-candy) at various local hotels.

Apparently, good English doesn’t make a single mother citizen of the US Unincorporated Territory of Puerto Rico a very welcome “internal immigrant”. You actually have the freedom to move though, and that’s what you’ll do… and after many moves, and another baby, you end up finding a steady job in a Delaware business, cleaning rooms at a hotel in the morning and tending a bar downtown at night. The days are long and the nights are short, and the days you bring back a man are few and far between. You’ve learned your lesson twice though. You wear an IUD and you teach your daughters not to trust men. You also start going to Church on Sundays, not because you “found God”, but because “finding God” makes you part of a supportive (if somewhat judgmental) community.

You live a hard life, and it’s not a fun life every day, but you never fall into **** or drinking. Your children can never afford college, but they somehow find good husbands. You never find out why you were cursed in the first place, but you don’t die of something horrible, so there is that…