An interview with a three-eyed woman.

They reached the end of the lights, and the unseen door at their end dilated to reveal what could only be a mad scientist's lab. An operations table with menacing robotic arms was tucked away to the right, a room made from an enclosure of servers sat next to that, complete with an entire LAN party of computers between them, and a chemistry lab that dominated the entire left side. Tucked away in corners were open bathrooms, a twin-sized bed, and a room just barely visible from its doorway that seemed to be full of lazily floating points of sky-blue light. Straight ahead, from the door, across the floor and to the wall, seemed to be nothing at all. Overhead, a number of floating drones and roof-mounted guns all turned to greet them. Tricia waved. John yelped and dove backwards. "What are you doing? You cannot leave yet. Not without my permission."

John has plenty of health points, but he didn't want to know how it fared against military hardware. "G-Guns! They're pointing-"

"That's how they say hello."

"BY SHOOTING YOU?!"

She almost pouted. "They're... they're just waving."

After a few more mix-ups and scares by machines that sought to poke and prod him, she finally brought him to the center of the room, where the floor rose in massive stone blocks to make (uncomfortable) tables and chairs. "We will conduct an interview first. Depending on how forthcoming you are with your answers, we may or may not require further... probing... to discover whatever truths must be unhidden before you leave. I will hope for your cooperation." He swallowed hard. Tricia didn't even sit like a lady: her legs were held wide to straddle her seat comfortably, and she leaned back to read a pane of glass with scrolling text. With the light shining above, he could trace the absolute cameltoe and the puffy shapes of her areolas under that too-thin material. It would be less erotic if she were just nude, he decided, but this was hardly a complaint.

NEW MULTI-QUEST!
-THE GAIA CODE-

"Unrecognized Symbol"
Objective: Kiss Tricia Gorbachev!
Rewards: +10 to mp, 100XP

"Compile Executable"
Objective: Lose your virginity to Tricia Gorbachev!
Rewards: +5 INT, +5 WIS, 500XP

"Stack Overflow"
Objective: Have unprotected sex with Tricia Gorbachev!
Rewards: +30 stat points, 1,000XP

"Class Inheritance"
Objective: Ensure a new generation for the Eye of Gorbachev!
Rewards: +10 lvls to three skills, 10,000XP

Multi-Quest Tiered Rewards:
+1 INT | +2 INT | 1,000XP | +200mp | ??????

Another one?! What's more, this one conflicted directly with the ones for Summers and for Brighton! What the Hell is John supposed to do? Of course, he still hit accept, even though it was hard to imagine getting anywhere with the cold, calculating schoolmate before him; the rewards for these quests seemed bafflingly good, too good to risk missing.

"Now then, the reason you were bought here: how did you come to learn of the Opekuny?"

"U-Um..." He **** his eyes to wander away from her body, afraid he'd be caught staring... and stopped when they landed on the PC screens. Upon each of the dozen, unattended computers showed a variation of the same thing: a current or relatively-current MMORPG. "What the..." Each one was being played simultaneously, even the one he was currently subscribed to! Two of them were FPSRPGs, and sure enough each was bobbing and weaving, floating and blasting with expert precision. "What... who's playing over there? There's no one else-"

"I am," she declared. "I have plenty of spare power at the moment, so I grind up my mains across my current palette of video games during low-processing exercises such as this one."

"That's..."

"That's the only irrelevant question I'm going to allow before you answer me. How did you know no one else was-"

"No no, that's super relevant! I mean, when I look over your head, it's basically a Globe of Fightcraft name and title card... plus health and mana bar, and your level- oh and your status effects, but that's only after I leveled up Observe and... and I guess I sound kind of crazy right now."

She broke her wide-eyed stare with a shake her head. "N-No, that just seems... far-fetched. But you have piqued my interest. Explain it to me in detail."

John didn't dare admit the depths of the system, or how he in particular had been using it, but he did admit his knowledge of names, levels, and other seemingly harmless data, and how his being was expressed in statistics, which went up when he leveled. Though her expression hardly changed, he sensed she was upset when he mentioned how Moira was nearly twice her level, but seemed to turn around when she learned of the paladin's tiny mp pool. "An obvious correlation between intelligence and mana exists."

"I guess so..."

"So how long until you increase your level? I wish to measure this change."

"O-Oh, well, I'm at 931 out of 1,100 before I ding, so-"

"... Ding?"

"That's... that's the sound it makes."

"It makes sounds." It was more skepticism than question.

"Hey, I didn't design this!"

"What can we do to get your experience up?"

"Well, quests and achievements seem to-"

"Quests? Achievements?"

"Oh... right," John hesitantly whispered.

The last thing he needed was for her to know about the last one he got... or most of them, now that he thought about it. "Events around me sometimes inspire quests, I guess? It's been sort of chaotic... and then achievements have been super random. One even gave me a free level-up for a skill that I haven't used yet! But I don't think I'm able to actually see a list of all of them... at least, not the ones I haven't... um... achieved."

"So there are at least two possibilities, given how little evidence you have of them: they're either the **** manifestations of your will, a common affliction for a mage, or else an entity who can observe your environment and create suggestions based on what they find, a fate preferred by those who have faith in Gaia." John wasn't sure which one terrified him more. "Interesting. Tell me what quests you presently have."

"Oh, well..." His quest log flicked before him, and he was about ready to panic at all the boning that now filled it. He just needed something that didn't further cement his reputation as a perv- "Oh! Right, I need to acquire a fighting style!" Tricia stared blankly at him. "Well, I guess that's not really something to learn here, huh..."

"What training do you currently have?"

"Nothing that counts."

"You mentioned a free skill level. Can the free level apply to a skill you don't yet possess?"

"I... uh..." Wait... could it? He clicked the reward, floating on his sheet as it was, and tried to focus on something like kung fu or-

New Fighting Style: Jeet Kune Do
Learn new fighting style?
This will replace all your martial skills.
Only one fighting skill can be learned.
You can only change styles twice.
YES NO

... whoa. John hesitated to hit accept... but in doing so, despite being unable to see his interface, Tricia knew what was probably happening. "If you only have one chance at this, I advise caution."

John nodded. "I asked for Kung fu, but got something called Jeet Kune Doo?"

She stared blankly... and behind her, three games (one that was in a raid, in the MMORPG John played!) were minimized for browsers. "... Jeet Kune "Doh", spelled D-O. A descendent of Wing Chun kung fu, made famous by Bruce Lee. Variable, eclectic, fast, efficient, explosive..." John got more hyped with every syllable, until she coughed dismissively. "... not you. Not even a little bit."

"Wha- I could totally do this! I just need to click yes and-"

"Then do something new. Is there any reason you need limit yourself to known styles? The Brightons have several schools of warfare, but none are as important as the power of the Golden Rose. The 33 Scions are infamous for their martial arts that incorporate hellfire. Even my grandfather was a famed fencer, but only because he was able to foresee every attack using the Eye." Her forehead twitched, but it did not reveal that hideous addition. Sighing, Tricia leaned back, and the square cubes moved out of the way to let her recline. "Allow me to correct my earlier statement regarding your academics: you may not have the scientific background to understand even the mundane aspects of my home or assembled equipment... but you do have high marks, and a recorded intelligence held back only by whatever consumes your private life. I know you are creative, and this ability of yours seems to reward creativity. Given these gifts, and given your lack of allies and your relative, but early, lack of power, well... I would tell you to choose the popular or the conventional at your own peril."

John shifted in his seat, though it was not half as accommodating. Tricia's monotone voice made it hard to know if she was insulting or complimenting him, or just lacked tact to not do both. Still, she wasn't wrong... which got him more riled. He dismissed the legendary martial art and tried to think... what defined him? He was a Gamer, sure, and his highest skill was Masturbation, sure... but what else really nailed John's character? He would try the unconventional at times, taking unorthodox approaches... that's how he got the theft skill. He wanked like a fiend, sure, and now that he's an 18-year-old virgin he's ready to start getting it on now more than ever... so yeah, masurbation was his most natural forte. But he also saw himself, no matter what his stat line said, as someone with the **** of will. He didn't just take skills as they came; he even **** them sometimes, even popping buttons by moving them with his mind, a skill made wholesale by his desire alone! Those three skills seemed apt in describing him, and in each he saw a glimmer, a philosophy, a hint of a fighting style all his own...

[CHOOSE JOHN'S FIGHTING STYLE: UPDATED: Voting was closed, and Spiraling Snake won! I leave the alternatives and the original options, as listed for the voters, here for any future writers who might want to start their own branch by using one of the other styles:]

Spiraling Snake Style

Basis: Theft

A fighting style that incorporates basic strikes and kicks, but channels them by corresponding wildly different places: effectively, "portals", small and large, are made to join two different points in space for seconds (for strikes) or minutes (for... other things). Non-combative uses are plentiful and versatile. This fighting style is heavily mana-dependent.
Theft and all martial skills are replaced with serpent strike, teleport, portal, and displacement.

Perverted Tiger Style

Basis: Masturbation

As close to a traditional fighting style as they come, but with a focused discipline on being aroused mid-combat. Featuring a mixture of Kinamotay from the Phillipines and Black Tiger Fist from China, at its core this is a dirty fighting style with almost no mana dependence... but its focus on grappling, clothes-tearing, and undressing an enemy is no accident.
Masturbation and all martial skills are replaced with dirty strike, grapple, arousal, and Wutong disciple.

Invisible Monkey Style

Basis: Move

Barely a fighting style as much as it is a combative refinement of more basic telekinesis techniques, Invisible Monkey allows for prolonged, remote assaults on targets based on their proximity, with closer targets being more cost-effective on this all-mana-based style. Finer manipulations are also possible, to an even greater extent than Move.
Move and all martial skills are replaced with mind blast, telekinesis, prestidigitation, and **** field.

[The skill denoted as the basis for a style will be lost. Martial skills also to be lost: physical resistance, manashield, improvised weapons.]