An Old Friend, Maybe

In spite of her trying to boost my confidence I was a half a second and a fraction of an inch of willpower from literally digging in my heels to keep her from dragging me across the path towards the booth. And, knowing that this was objectively a stupid thing to be so concerned about, I was focusing every ounce of my effort on not doing just that and anyways I guess that's why Rachel was the first one to notice things.

"Hey, isn't that the guy from our group?"

That was all she asked and frankly there were so many people it could have been. Our little group was gender diverse and pretty much split down the middle by the numbers and yet it said something about me and my general perspective on things there was really only two names that came to mind.

And it probably said something more that it was Blake I thought of first.

What had happened last night between the two of us was darkly intense and it was stirring in a way that other encounters had been afterwards. And yes I'd had more encounters. It was less than a full day since those fumbling moments in the dark but I'd gone far further than I ever imagined I could and yet somehow that didn't diminish the severity, the seriousness, of Blake.

Blake made me feel things, things akin to regret or fear. Blake made me feel, with an intensity that I couldn't quite manage, like I was betraying some part of myself by wanting to be with him.

But at the same time I did want to be with him. I wanted to feel that asshole's hands on my body again and the thought of him catching me here, on my way over to something as nerdy as a LARP booth, had me feeling like I was only giving him more power over me.

So maybe it should have been a relief when I glanced over and didn't see him at all.

Eddie, though, was a worse option.

After all I'd been in this place with him before in another life and sure we'd both signed up but neither of us had gone through with it and we'd only done it out of some sense of resignation or obligation. He would surely judge me, would probably have some unkind thoughts about my entire gender to pass on or stew on in private, but more than any of that Eddie presented a far bigger problem to me.

Because I'd said far too much with him. Because I'd told him more than I meant to. Because I'd terrified him, and with good reason, and in the hours since we'd last been face to face I hadn't come up with a good reason or explanation for the why and the how and the what of things.

Rachel didn't know any of this so it was only too easy for her to call out to him, smiling and waving while she shouted out hey and locked her arm tight into mine, dragging me over and making me face my demons while I was entirely unprepared for them.

"You're in our group, right?" Rachel asked, bubbling over with charm the moment she came close enough she didn't have to shout again, "Eddie, right?"

He pointedly didn't look at me but he couldn't quite bring himself to look at Rachel either so all that wound up happening was Eddie blushing a little as he nodded and stared just off at the space above her shoulder.

"You know my name?" he asked, and his voice somehow sounded so hopeful and so broken at the same time.

Rachel laughed light and high, "Of course, we did all those exercises to remember names but it's totally okay if you don't remember ours, I know it was a big group. But I'm Rachel and this is Emily."

At the sound of my name he glanced over to me, his eyes widening a little as he gave a quick nervous swallow, "I remember."

Eddie stared into me for a moment, his gaze unblinking and unreadable.

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