An Awkward Interview

Leo catches you, “Hey, hey. Maybe you can answer this better than I can...” He looks very uncomfortable, but is forcing a smile. “This guy,” he indicates Kevin, the gorgeous news anchor, “...doesn't know about some stuff.”

You look completely bewildered, but smile at Kevin who looks very excited and curious. “Hi, Kevin,” he offers his large hand. Damn, he's tall. You take it and manage to give a decent handshake back as you introduce yourself.

Leo repeats, “So, Kevin and I were chatting, and somehow the topic of...”

“Pig play,” Kevin finishes in a completely serious tone of voice. You blink several times, waiting for anyone to start laughing. No one does.

Leo puts a hand on your shoulder and seems to be introducing you as a public speaker, “And Kevin doesn't know what pig play is. I though you might be better at explaining it to him.”

“Why?!” You exclaim, your eyes darting back and forth between the two men. Leo seems to be containing laughter just barely below the surface. Kevin still seems absolutely serious, like when he conducts an interview. “Um... seriously?” They both nod. “Um, pig play is like... S&M when someone gets treated like they're a dirty animal. Or something. And, I think, like sometimes sticking in a pig tail and eating out of animal foodbowls or something.” Your face burns. This wouldn't have even been on the list of things you should never talk about at a nice housewarming, if you'd been asked to make one.

Leo tips his glass to you in a mock toast.

You turn back to him, “WHY? Did you assume I'd know about that and explain it well?”

Leo laughs. “Well, you did didn'tcha?” his harsh accent slips out, and you make a show of grimacing for a little **** against the awkwardness he's just inflicted on you. “How did you learn? Tell us.”

You feel flush again. “Um... I don't watch it or anything. I think I probably sa w it on a porn ad on a personals site, or something. Like, I can't give details or anything because I don't know. Just like leather and domination and stuff like that. Why, how did YOU learn about it, Leo?”

“The same.” He smiles smugly and takes a sip of his drink.

“So, leather... like in horse play? What's the difference between pig play and horse play?” Kevin continues his incredibly inappropriate interview.

“Um, that's like where people pretend to be horses and like to be ridden around.” You answer quickly, then turn to Leo. “I learned that on 'Bones'.” He laughs. You address both of them, “How did you two get on this topic?”

“I've recently been starting to feel like I'm really naive. It seems like there's a lot of gay cultural stuff that I'm not aware of.” At first, that sounds reasonable, but then you take a moment to wonder how a local tv celebrity can get into their late 20s, looking like a Ken doll who goes to the gym more, without having been even peripherally exposed to the world of kink. “Like, what's a golden shower?”

“HAH!” Leo quickly downs the last couple swallows of his drink. “I'm out!” and he quickly heads towards Chris and more ****.

The entire situation is just too bizarre, but what the hell. You continue. “Golden showers is getting peed on.”

“Oooh...” Kevin nods, as if you've just given him a deep piece of wisdom. He opens his mouth to ask something else, when a hand on your shoulder prompts you to spin around in surprise.

It's Chris's parents wanting to say goodbye on their way out. You immediately feel mortified, but they don't act strange, so they probably didn't hear what you just said. You and Kevin bid them farewell, and you silently thank them for interrupting a strange and uncomfortable conversation.

Now you're just standing with a weird but incredibly attractive man. You feel the need to say something, anything other than what you'd just been discussing. “So... this is a great neighborhood. Isn't it?” It's a housewarming, after all. That would be an appropriate topic of conversation.

“Oh, yeah. It's beautiful. I jog with my dog here, all the time.” Kevin replies cheerfully.

Thank God. Something normal. Kevin tells you about his Black Lab. You mention your previous dogs and love of big breeds like his. While conversing normally, you finally start to appreciate being in his presence. His voice is so rich and smooth. You can practically feel the thick sound waves vibrating through your body. You decide that being spoken to by him feels like taking a shower in a waterfall of Baileys Irish Cream. Your eyes start to slip lower to glance over his wide chest wrapped tightly in a thin sweater. You get a little bit lightheaded when you realize you can see his hard nipples through the soft material. Maybe it's all the **** finally catching up with you, but Kevin is devastatingly attractive. It's no surprise he ended up on tv with a job looking good and using that beautiful voice all the time...

“...boyfriend...”

You blink twice, recovering yourself. “I'm sorry?”

“My boyfriend and I are thinking of getting another dog to keep Sam company during the day,” Kevin repeats.

The little voice inside your head has Leo's accent, 'OUT!'

“I work early morning to afternoon and he works nights, so Sam is alone a lot or whoever is home is sleeping,” Kevin continues, apparently having not heard your inner monologue.

“Um, yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” You fumble with your words, then quickly finish your drink, thinking about how wise a person Leo is. “I'm gonna get a refill. Good luck with the the dogs!”

“Thanks!” Kevin is unphased by your sudden departure. “Hey, why don't you get me on Facebook, and you can see photos of Sam.”

“Oh, sure.” Strange, but you agree, feeling very thirsty. You pull out your phone and follow Kevin's directions to add him, as he's under a pseudonym. You just can't wait to go browse photos of him and his boyfriend... with their dog... You send the request, which seems to make him happy, then head off to greener pastures.