Allison's turmoil

You lie together a while content to just snuggle. Both of you were taking the day off from school so you weren't in any particular rush but your minds were both converging on the same thing. This connection you had. It was glorious, it was wonderful, it was the best thing to ever happen to you...but it had one hell of a downside. You loved each other beyond what words could describe and in a perfect world you only ever wanted to be with her. But this wasn't a perfect world. You had lives to lead. With this wonderful union had come a cloying dependency on each other. You both knew this was something that must be dealt with.

In the control and safety of the house you had decided to experiment with staying apart for longer and longer stretches. The first attempt happens when Elsie goes to the washroom. Once more, as soon as a direct line of sight is blocked you both let out a whine as you felt as if you'd been torn in half. You truly felt like half a woman. You lie on the bed breathing fast and shallow, focusing hard on controlling the feeling welling up within you.

You try...you try so hard to control it...in a moment of weakness you can't help but to call out. Elsie. Elsie! ELSIE!

There was no response. That constant comforting presence was gone. You were alone! You are getting panicked and you are just about to run to the hallway when finally, mercifully, El appears back in the doorway. You see by her pained expression she had felt exactly like you had. You rush into each other's arms and as before all of the tension and fear just drains away like it was never there.

You take a few deep breaths and smile. "Okay...we did it." She nods in agreement. You say. "Okay, I'll go next and...I've got an idea. Let's just really focus on whatever we are doing. We need to stay distracted."

El nods again. "Good idea." She picks up her DS and begins to play a Mario game as you head to the washroom.

Once more that horrible rending feeling as you leave. With grim determination you focus hard on every little action. Walk, go to the washroom, pee, wipe, flush, wash hands, brush teeth. Every little thing you put your whole attention and care into. It was working. The anxiety was still there in abundance but you were able to hold it at bay this time. You walk calmly back to the room and as you enter she looks up with a grin. The world is made right again but the **** addictive element was much more muted this time.

"That was better!" She says.

"Way way better." You agree. You walk up and kiss her. "Okay, I'm going to try for longer. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."

She nods with determination. "I'll miss you."

You can't help but smile with love in your heart. "I'll miss you too."

You take a fortifying breath and head out again. Your mind focused on this new technique. Okay...down the stairs, grip the rail, around the corner, focus...focus...

You see your mom in her office typing away. She looks up with a quick acknowledgement. "Hey El. Listen, I've got a ton of work that got dumped on me this morning. I'm going to be busy most of the day. If you need me I'll be in here, but I'd rather not be disturbed. How's Jesse doing?"

You stifle a little laugh. "She's fine."

Your mother nods. "Okay, I made some coffee if you want, now...shoo!"

Closing the door to the office most of the way you continue on your way. You were surprised to see Allison sitting in the kitchen by herself. She was wearing some of Fiona's clothes, which were too big for her but somehow still looked good regardless.

"Want a coffee?" You offer as you grab yourself one. She shakes her head no.

She is looking at you hard. "Jesse?" She guesses.

You nod. "Yeah. Where's Fiona?" You ask.

"Getting ready. We're going to go grab some breakfast then she's going to drive me home."

You sit beside Allison. Carefully mindful and attentive to your every action. You must have looked a little weird as you were moving slower than normal, but you didn't think you were pulling it off too badly.

She reaches over and takes your hand. "Jesse, you've got an amazing family. I mean, you guys kind of freak me out with your...well...anyways, they are all very nice." Something about how she was talking had you worried.

You nod. "I love them all so much. They are everything to me." You look her in the eye. "What do you think about Fiona? Seems you two hit it off?"

She is quiet for longer than you would have liked. "She's...like no one I've ever met. I don't just mean in the obvious way. I mean, she is an incredible woman. She's so focused, so confident, so strong. Her personality, her charisma..." Just the way she was speaking you knew there was a deep honest attraction there. "She could be president or something if she wanted to." There was a but coming, you could sense it.

"But?" You ask, concern in your voice.

"But..." Allison looks to the table and pulls her hand back from you. "...she'...she's broken Jesse. She's dangerous." You knew Allie well enough to see these things attracted and excited her just as much as they scared her.

"She's loyal." You respond. Then you let out a little nervous laugh. "Dangerous? That's an exaggeration. I mean she likes to..."

"Did she tell you what she did to Dave and Derek?" Allison asks point blank as she looks back up at you. "No, she's dangerous Jesse."

Your face goes serious. "She was protecting me." You suddenly and irrationally felt incredibly defensive about your big sister. Who the hell was Allison to judge her? Fiona had done that for you and you loved her for it! No matter how wrong it was. "She would do the same for you if you...if you and her..."

"And if it doesn't work out?" Allison asks. "You're her family Jesse. She loves you and Elsie like crazy. She'd never hurt you guys. But me? What if I end up breaking her heart or something? She scares me sometimes." Before you can even respond to that she starts again. "God Jesse! I like her. Fuck! I like her so much." Allison is shaking her head. "But...I've never dated a woman before. I mean, it's been fun but...what would my parents say? Do I really want to be that sort of person?"

"Don't be any 'sort' of person. Just be yourself." You respond. "You don't have to be anyone but you. And you shouldn't expect Fiona to be anyone but who she is."

Allison sits and looks at you. You could see the turmoil bubbling within her. The fact she was saying these things was perhaps a good sign. If she didn't care she wouldn't be getting so worked up. That said she almost seemed to be trying to find excuses for it not to work out.

"And what about us. You and me. I mean won't this be too weird for you. Me being with your sister?" She asks, obviously trying to elicit a certain response.

You shake your head. "Nope, not even a little. Listen, I liked you Allison but...let's be honest with ourselves here. We weren't even fully a thing yet. I liked you, you liked me but...No, no it wouldn't bother me if you were with Fiona. Honestly it would make me happy. Really happy." You then add. "It would be nice to see you around here. I think the whole family took a shine to you Allie."

You see her flinch, you seemed to have struck on something there. Allie then smiles. "They're so nice. You're Mom..." She lets out a little laugh. "...she's just great. Telling me all about that show of hers. And she's a hell of a cook." After a pause she adds with just a touch of sadness in her voice. "And for her to support you like she did, through all of your changes. To be so understanding."

Just then Fiona walks in twirling her keys in her hand. "Ready to go?" She sees you. "Oh...mornin El."

"It's Jesse, good morning Fiona." You walk up and give her a big hug. She hugs you back in a nice strong embrace.

This conversation with Allison suddenly had you as protective of her as she was of you. As you watch Allison get up and get ready to leave with Fiona all you could think was. 'Don't you dare break my sister's heart!'