Aliara struggles with what's happened to Teysa

Over the course of her life, Aliara had faced horrors beyond most people's imagination. Slavery under the drow had been a brutal ordeal. Even after her escape, the life of an adventurer was no picnic. She'd faced raving cultists, sadistic demons, feral orcs, and a menagerie of monsters and madmen.

She'd never questioned her bravery until now. Because Teysa-- the woman she loved, the light of her life-- was awake, and Aliara was too frightened to face her.

She could still see Teysa's face when she shut her eyes. Every feature was where it should be, every line was just as she had remembered it... but the paladin's skin was the slate-grey of stone and her eyes were glossy black. At least her hair hadn't changed color. Aliara had had lovers of all colors, pink and brown and orange and green, and she wasn't about to be thrown by Teysa's new pigmentation. But inevitably her mind's eye would track downward, past those ripe breasts she'd rested her head against and those washboard abs she'd idly traced with her fingertips. Past Teysa's hips, she could no longer ignore what had happened to her beloved.

It wasn't her fault. It was Aliara's. She had begged for Teysa's life. She had been distraught and fearful, but that was hardly an excuse. The Matron had offered her a chance at salvation, and she'd taken it without considering the cost. She had seen too many friends die, had hardened her heart to those losses. No more. Teysa mattered, and Aliara would have paid any price to save her life. She hadn't paid, though; Teysa had, and Aliara still wasn't sure if it had been worth it.

Was the woman who had emerged from that cocoon still her lover? As Aliara watched, the newly-minted drider staggered drunkenly to her feet. She stared at herself in horror, then looked up and saw Aliara. Throughout her long vigil by the cocoon, Aliara had imagined the moment when Teysa would awaken. She'd imagined cradling a groggy Teysa in her lap, stroking her hair, smiling down at her. She hadn't imagined this. "Li?" the drider said, and her voice was the final straw. It was Teysa's, perfect in pitch and timbre, but with a strange buzzing rasp beneath it. It wouldn't have been noticeable to anyone who hadn't spent months living with her and listening to her every word, but to Aliara it scraped across her nerves like a file. She hadn't wept-- she didn't think she had any tears left. Instead, she felt a hollowness growing in the pit of her stomach. A weight pressed down on her from above. She mouthed Teysa's name, but the words wouldn't come.

"Li?" Teysa asked again, and took a step forward. One hand reached out, and Aliara couldn't help but notice the way Teysa's fingertips came to sharp points. She took an involuntary step back, and Teysa's face twisted in hurt and sorrow. All at once the cave felt stifling. Aliara burst out from the thicket of stalagmites and fled.

She retreated to their apartment, sure that at any moment she'd hear the clicking of many-jointed legs on the stone outside and Teysa would come to see her. She wouldn't be able to run again. She'd have to face what her lover had become-- what Aliara had done to her. Her eyes went to the corner, where she kept a nondescript leather satchel with a few things in it. A spare knife, a flint and tinder, a traveling cloak... some rations...

She'd hoped she'd never need it. She tried to calm herself with deep breaths. It's ok, she told herself. _You're in shock. That's Teysa in there. You always knew something like this might happen. Don't sabotage yourself again. If you run out into the darkness out there, what happens? You have to start all over. Give it time. Give her time. Give yourself some time. You can always leave tomorrow. You did this to her. You owe her this much._

Teysa didn't come, though. The minutes stretched into hours, and Aliara sat alone in her room. Her stomach was beginning to gurgle, but she couldn't bring herself to get up and leave. If she ran into Teysa walking the hallways of the warren... she didn't know what she'd do. Instead, she curled up on herself and tried to block out the mental image. She tried to remember Teysa as she had been: strong and healthy, pale-skinned and dark-haired, trying to restrain her laughter at one of Aliara's jokes or picking her up and tossing her over her shoulder. How many times had she done that? How many times had they collapsed into this bed, giggling and sighing, their hands roaming over each other with the thrill of discovery pulsing in their veins? Aliara tried to imagine that level of intimacy with a drider and her gorge rose in her throat. All she could think of was the feel of the drider Matron pinning her to the floor, stripping her, violating her. She'd sobbed in her blindness, begged for respite, but the Matron had been merciless. She was different now, Teysa said. Aliara had heard that before, too.

Footsteps sounded outside her doorway. Aliara stiffened and sat up straight. They weren't drider footsteps, she could tell that much. That narrowed the universe of who might be coming to see her rather dramatically. She stood up just as Lil'esh peered around the doorway.

"Hello? Aliara?" the drow asked. "May I talk to you?"