She's heard about Teysa

For a moment, Aliara considered sending her away. The impulse was still strong. Lil'esh had been friendly to her, but she was still a drow. Right now, though, Aliara was feeling terribly alone. She had been alone for much of her life. Even when she had shared a sleeping pen with a dozen other slaves, she had been alone. It had never bothered her this much before.

"You'd better come in," she sighed.

Lil'esh pushed aside the silk curtain and stepped into the little apartment. She looked around as she did. Aliara wished she had tidied up a little, but she had never had a guest in here before.

"This is a nice setup you've got," Lil'esh said. "Very homey."

"For a drow, maybe," Aliara said. She caught herself. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I just mean I'm still adjusting to living underground."

"It's that different from above?" Lil'esh asked. "I mean, I've seen woodcuts of your cities. They look pretty much like ours. A little more colorful, maybe."

"No sun, though," Aliara said. "Fires and glowing fungus really aren't the same. And there's no outside." She sat on a stone chair, and Lil'esh took the other one. Aliara couldn't help but notice the way Lil'esh settled into the chair. Teysa had always sat rigid, as though she might be called upon at any moment by a strict teacher. Lil'esh relaxed and crossed one leg over the other. She had a cat's seeming ability to lounge comfortably on any surface that could support her weight.

"What's it like?" Lil'esh asked. At first Aliara wasn't sure what she was talking about.

"Up there? Well, it's warm in summer and--"

"No, no," Lil'esh said, waving a hand irritably. "The sun."

"Oh." Aliara sat and thought for a moment. "Well, it's bright. Too bright to look at. Even when it's behind a cloud you can't stare directly at it, it makes your eyes water. But it's warm. If you're in a building with windows, sunbeams pour in through them and make puddles of light on the floor. You can see dust motes dancing in them." She sighed. "When I first made it back to the surface after spending years down here, I hated it. It was everywhere. I preferred the shadows. But now I miss it like crazy."

"Are you going to go see it again?" Lil'esh asked.

The question caught Aliara off-guard. "What do you mean?" she asked. Lil'esh jerked her head towards the corner that held Aliara's leather bag.

"You've packed a bag, haven't you?"

Seeing Aliara's expression, she threw her hands up in surrender. "I wasn't spying on you! I just noticed it when I got in here, honestly! But I was already wondering. You never seemed as comfortable here as... as Teysa did."

Aliara's eyes narrowed. "You didn't just come here to ask me about the sun, did you?"

Lil'esh looked embarrassed, but she had the grace not to deny it. "By now the news has spread through the warren. Teysa's awake. And she's... changed."

"Have you spoken to her?" Aliara asked. The thought of Lil'esh talking to Teysa before she did made her feel somehow jealous and guilty and relieved, all at once. The drow shook her head.

"No. Nobody has. She's with the Matron and El'keth. I wanted to talk to you, instead." She cocked her head to one side and gave Aliara a penetrating look. "Are you going to leave? I won't spread it around, if you don't want me to."

Aliara decided to at least do her the courtesy of not lying to her. "I've considered it," she replied. "I don't know yet."

"Fen'li is gone. Bollior, too. They slipped out last night. Probably heading back to the City to see their families." Lil'esh sighed. "Bollior was sweet on Thi'vo, I think. Fen'li's just scared. I don't really blame her. This isn't exactly what we signed up for."

"Me neither," said Aliara. For a time, they both stared at the wall.

"You didn't answer my question," Lil'esh said quietly. Aliara sighed and **** herself to look Lil'esh in the face.

"I don't know, Lil'esh. I really don't. I want to, but... there's the broodmothers. I swore to make sure they were safe and taken care of. And now there's not exactly anyone else to do it."

"I thought... forgive me, this is going to sound awful, but I thought that was more Teysa's thing than yours," Lil'esh said. "Her project. No offense, but you don't seem like the kind of person who spends a lot of time feeding and bathing invalids for the warm feelings it gives you."

"I'm not." Aliara was surprised to find how easy it was to speak frankly to Lil'esh. She was spilling more in this one conversation than she would in weeks with a stranger from the surface. There was something to the drow's manner that made her easy to like, easy to trust. She looked Aliara in the eyes when she spoke to her, but her gaze was never judgmental or penetrating.

But she's still a drow. There was that to consider. She was a drow, and a noble drow, and in Aliara's personal book that was two strikes against her. She kept waiting for a third that never came. Somehow, every time they talked, Aliara came away willing to talk again. How long would that last?

"You're right," she said. "It was Teysa's idea. But she can't exactly follow through with it now, can she? And if I don't do it, who will? I promised. When we cut the others down from the wall, I... I made a promise to them. I intend to keep this one."

I promised before, too, she thought but didn't say. I promised when I was leaving the **** pens that I'd be back. For my friends. I never kept that promise, did I? I told myself I was lucky to get out in the first place. It's too late for that now, but it's not too late for this. I will make things right. I swear it.

The words hovered on the tip of her tongue: the days of hard labor, the nights of random terror. The sound of the whip cracking. The nauseous terror of an inspection. How could she say any of that, to Lil'esh of all people? How could she describe the guilt that choked her and the faces that haunted her dreams? It was a lifetime ago, she told herself. A different Aliara. A different time. But the truth was: when she thought of leaving, those faces rose up in front of her eyes, only now Tivya and Oa'ko and Rhuti and the other broodmothers were with them, pleading, begging, blaming.

And Teysa, too. Teysa, most of all. She might have lived anyways... though Aliara had seen her wounds, had felt her blood ebbing out of her. She had made the call. She had asked for help. To leave now would be cowardice.

Lil'esh watched her, and Aliara wondered how much of her inner turbulence was written on her face. She had always prided herself on being hard to read. It was a skill she'd honed to perfection in her youth. Lil'esh's eyes flickered across Aliara's face, but if she saw some hint of turmoil, she didn't say anything. Instead, she said:

"Well... you're going to need help now, aren't you? With the broodmothers. You haven't seen them in a few days." She stood and extended a hand. "Why don't we go see them together?"