Alcoholics can be teachers too!

John honestly didn’t know what to expect when going to the address on the flyer. Maybe it was going to be a dojo like out of an old kung fu movie. Or maybe he was going to find a gym where the head coach was teaching proper fighting techniques. Hell, part of him expected to find it to be just some guy’s house where he was giving lessons out of the garage.

He was not expecting to find a run down bar.

John and his mom looked up at the rather dilapidated looking building in front of them. It was on one of the poorer sides of town and clearly had seen far better days. The building, or rather three buildings, were mostly comprised of different businesses that looked like they had gone out of business years ago, with boarded up windows and brickwork that was falling to pieces. The only thing on them that looked even remotely cared for was a door in between what used to be a jewelry shop and the ruins of a restaurant. Said door was at least clean with a light on behind it, and painted on the glass of the door was “Luck of the Irish Tavern”, and a small neon light next to it that read “Ope” with the “N” having gone out.

“Are you sure about this one, hun?” his mom asked, stepping closer to the door and leaning over to look closer at it. “I think I’ve seen bomb shelters that looked nicer than this.”

“I dunno, Mom, the place is giving me a feeling, ya know?” John stepped closer and looked up towards the second floor. “Plus, maybe it's bigger on the inside. The flyer said to meet him here, so maybe he trains people upstairs of the bar.”

“I think you might be his only student,” Brenda said, looking around. “Seems no one else really lives or comes here.”

“Then I’ll be lucky enough to have not just any teacher, but a personal instructor!”

Brenda chuckled. “If you’re certain. I’m going to go and run a few errands. If you come into ANY problems, and I do mean any, you call me right away and I will be here. Otherwise, if this ‘Erik Castellan’ seems okay to you, text me when you expect practice to be over and I will come pick you up, alright?”

“Alright. Thanks, Mom.” John pulled his mother into a hug, and Brenda swiftly hugged him back.

“Mmm, alright. Now you go learn to be an asskicker just like your mom.” She pushed him towards the door, smiling as he opened it up and walked in.

As John opened the door, however, a strange tingling feeling passed over his body and a small popup made itself known.

Entering Illusion Barrier

Name: Luck of the Irish Tavern

Current Occupants: 5

‘What the fuck is an illusion barrier?’ John asked, though it did confirm for him that this Erik guy was probably magical. If it triggered his abilities like this, then it had to be magical in nature, right?

Well, no matter. That just solidified John’s hypothesis that this was all magical and ordained by Gaia and all that shit. Even if he would have to figure out what an illusion barrier was. ‘Damn, it would be fantastic if I had an index or glossary or something to let me figure out what new phrases were,’ John pondered as he pushed open a second inner doorway

The bar was… well, a bar. John didn’t really know what he expected. It was surprisingly large, easily taking up all of space the three failed businesses should have taken. Along the left most wall was the bar proper, with dozens of various bottles lined up against a large mirror. Standing in front of them was a tall older gentleman, dressed in a button up and fine vest with a slick hair cut and a well trimmed mustache. He was busy polishing a glass, only briefly looking up at John as he entered. Sitting in front of the bartender was a rather brutish looking man, with more muscles on him than an entire gym members lineup. Tattoos dotted this oaf of a man’s skin, yet he was dressed in similarly fine clothes to the bartender, though without the vest. Beyond these two men sat around a dozen or so tables with various amounts of chairs at each, though almost none of them held any occupants. The only one that did was far off in the corner, with someone drunkenly sleeping away at the table.

“Hey, kid, you got some ID?” The bartender asked, his voice carrying over the soft jazz that played from the speakers in the bar.

John nodded, reaching into his inventory and pulling out his wallet along with the ID. He handed said identification to the bartender, adding, “I am not here to drink, fyi. Just looking for someone.”

The bartender looked it over before handing it to the large man. The large man also looked it over, though John noticed a strange blue light scanning over the ID as if the man pulled out a flashlight without moving his body. His head then turned, looking at John and revealing one of his eyes was glowing bright blue. Said eye scanned over John, and the large man grunted, “He’s clean.”

The bartender gave a nod of approval. “Good. Who ya lookin’ for kid?”

John blinked in confusion for a moment or two before pulling out the flyer and handing it over. “Looking for one Erik Castellan. Said I should be able to find him here.”

The bartender gave the flyer a once over before handing it over to the huge man. While the larger man read it over, the bartender put the glass down and pointed towards the sleeping man in the back. “Word of advice, kid, the guy who wrote that flyer and the guy you’re looking to meet aren’t the same person anymore. My advice? Drop this whole thing.”

John gave the man a confused glance. “Whats wrong with him?”

“Booze. Lots,” the large man grunted, giving John back the flyer.

John looked back to the sleeping man, grimacing at the thought of convincing a drunk to train him. Still, Gaia gave him a quest, and he was not going to back down now. John walked over to the man, standing tall with his chest out and determination in his breast. As he got closer to the sleeping man, he was able to make out more details of his appearance. The man was a bit rough around the edges, with his hair looking more like a scruffy rat’s nest than a proper hairdo. His salt and pepper black hair matched his scruff beard, with small stains in both implying whatever he was eating somehow ended up on the top of his head. He had a large scar going across his face, starting above his right eye and crossing his nose before ending on his left cheek. John could also see some other scars on the man’s hands and arms, which were visible due to his rolled up sleeves.

Speaking of, the man was dressed in a thick brown coat, black button shirt, loosely tied brown tie, dirty jeans, and thick leather boots. The man was clearly built well, with his clothes hugging his muscles and betraying his true strength. He had tattoos on his arms, or at least one tattoo that was just barely peeking out from under his sleeves. But John couldn’t honestly tell what it was.

The man was snoring softly, a few empty bottles near him on the table. John tapped him softly but only got a mumble in response. So John tapped him again, this time a bit harder. Again, the man did not wake up. So John took in a deep breath, placed a hand on each shoulder, and quickly gave the man a short yet violent shake.

THAT managed to do the trick, and the man sputtered out a slew of curses while he woke up,. “FUCK, SHIT, FUCK, I’M AWAKE! Jesus, Jumbo, don’t you know how to wake up a fucki-” The man looked at John, his golden eyes clearly confused. “You’re not the bouncer.”

“No, I’m not,” John responded.

The man grunted, rubbing his head and groaning in pain. “Fuck, I’ve got a headache that could light up Toldeo. Who the hell are you, kid?”

“My name is Jo-”

“Hold up, what time is it?” Erik looked around, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. “Shit, it isn’t even 6 yet. I only went to sleep eight hours ago.”

“Do you work a night shift?”

The man gave a short chuckle. “Yeah, sure. Night shift. It's the only time the bartender serves me booze, so I guess I only work at night.” He stretched his arms, slowly sitting up more. “Who did you say you were?”

“My name is John-”

“Oh fuck, it’s Tuesday!” Erik interrupted. “Half price off shots! Fuck yeah! Gonna have to go grab a few extra dollars to ge-”

“SIR!” John yelled, this time interrupting Erik. “My name is John Newman! And I have been sent by Gaia herself to come and find you!”

THAT managed to stop Erik in his tracks, and his expression of shock and intrigue showed that John had his full attention. “... She sent you? To find me? Did she… tell you why?”

“Yes,” John replied, pulling the flyer from his inventory. “She let me know of your existence through this old flyer, and told me that I am required to seek you out for training and learn everything I can from you.”

Erik’s expression turned sour, the hope on his face fading into disappointment and tiredness. “Oh. Training. Yeah.” He took in a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before crumpling up the flyer and tossing it over his shoulder. “No dice, kid.”

John’s jaw dropped. “But…. But why?”

“Kid, I haven’t trained anyone for years. That flyer was a failed way for me to make a few extra bucks. I ain’t no teacher, and I ain’t lookin’ to become one.” He turned around, walking over towards the bartender. “Go find someone else. I ain’t it.”

“But Gaia told me-”

“She wouldn’t do something like that,” Erik interrupted. “She tells people to do things like go kill some evil people or do some great quest. Not tell some kid to go learn from an old drunk. Think up a more believable story next time, and maybe the next sucker will actually fall for it.”

“But, sir, I swear that Gaia really did tell me to learn from you!”

“Castellan, hear the kid out,” the bartender said as Erik took a seat. “Maybe this is Gaia’s way of helping you finally get off your lazy ass and doing something.”

“If I wanted your input on this, I would have asked,” Erik said gruffly. “She doesn’t do shit like that. And I ain’t no teacher. Not anymore.”

“Well, what if Gaia wants you to become one again?” John asked, taking a seat next to Erik.

“Then maybe she should have told me herself,” Erik grumbled, grabbing a beer from the passing bartender.

John sat back, his mind running through different things he could say to try and convince this drunkard on his need to be trained by him. He thought of different insults or things he could yell that might solicit a reaction. Maybe a fight or asking Gaia for a favor. But John had no idea if any of these would actually work. So, John reasoned that the simplest solution would probably be the best.

“What do I have to do to convince you?”

Erik paused in his drinking. “What?”

“What. Do I have to do. To convince you?” John said much slower.

Erik looked at John before shrugging his shoulders. “You probably can’t.”

“Then I’ll come back tomorrow and ask you the same question.”

“You’ll get the same answer,” Erik said while taking a sip of his beer.

“Then I’ll come the day after that. And again. And again. And again. I won’t stop coming in and harassing you until you give me a way to prove that Gaia really did tell me to be trained by you. Every day, until you finally decide to give me a way to do it.”

Erik shrugged. “Then I’ll throw you out of here myself.”

“It won't stop me.”

“You know, I may be a drunk but I can still kick your ass.”

John laughed. “Oh I believe it. But it won’t stop me. And I’ll just use that fighting to learn. Even if you kick my ass a thousand times, I’ll keep coming back. No matter what.”

Erik just looked at John, as if finally seeing him for the first time. He then gave John a small smirk, putting his beer down on the counter. “Well, shit, I guess to save us both time I should just come up with something now, then.” He thought for a moment while John internally congratulated himself. “Hey, Bobby?” Erik said to the bartender. “You still got that old stone thing I gave you a month back?”

“The red one?” The bartender reached below the register, pulling out a small glowing stone before tossing it to Erik. “All yours.”

Erik caught the stone and smiled, turning back towards John. “Alright, kid. You wanna prove yourself? Gaia doesn’t just take anyone to be her messenger or shit. And I don’t train just anyone. So here’s the deal. If I am going to train you, I’m going to need some food. Run to the McDonalds down the corner and go get me some food. Tell them you want ‘Erik’s Order’. Oh, and grab me a large Sprite too.”

“I assume there's more to this than just ‘“go get me fast food?’” John deadpanned

“Course,” Erik said with a nod. “When you get back, you’re gonna meet me here, then we are going to go up those stairs,” he gestured to the large staircase that John hadn’t really noticed till now, “where I’ll have a proper test waiting for you. Complete that test and I’ll have figured out if Gaia really did send you or not. Sounds good?”

“As long as it’s reasonable, sure.”

Erik smiled.

“Whoever said proving yourself as a champion of Gaia had to be reasonable?”

John walked back into the bar, a bag of to-go food in his hand and a scowl upon his face. “Did you know that the McDonalds employees apparently HATE you?!”

Erik smiled, nursing a new bottle of beer. “Why did you think I sent you?”

“You’re lucky they didn’t refuse to sell me anything. Though the cashier told me that you still aren’t allowed on the premises because of the mess you left. What the hell did you even do?” John asked, passing him the bag.

Erik began to dig in, stuffing some fries into his mouth. “Mmm. Killed a basilisk that a rogue mage unleashed there. Thankfully, I was able to get rid of the body, but it left a helluva mess. Didn’t exactly feel like explaining the existence of a magical world to a random McDonalds employee.”

John’s scowl vanished in an instant. He didn’t even think that Erik could have been in the right, nor that something like that would have to be dealt with in an unpopular manner. John wondered for a brief moment what he would do if in a similar position. What if some big monster invaded his school and he had to kill it? Would he be **** to reveal the magical world? Or would he have to just accept that he would have to lie and become a full social pariah there?

“Right, time for your test,” Erik said, breaking John out of his thoughts. “Follow me.”

Erik led John up the stairs, eating his take out the whole way. John was able to look around the bar, noting that this place was way bigger than it seemed like it should be. He could only assume that iIllusion barriers were able to just follow Tardis rules of being bigger on the inside. Did that mean he was in a pocket dimension? Was “cast pocket dimension” a common spell in the Abyss?

“Alright, here we are,” Erik said, stopping at a small wooden door. “Now, I already got your test ready. You just need to go in and deal with the situation as best as you can.”

John raised an eyebrow, wondering what Erik had planned for him. “Any hints or tips?”

“A real champion of Gaia wouldn’t need a hint,” Erik said between McNugget bites. “So no. ‘Less you wanna go ahead and admit you were lying.”

“No, no. I’ll… go deal with it.” John took in a deep breath, steeled his nerves, and opened the door, walking straight into the unknown.

“So you’re the buyer.”

John blinked, the door swinging shut behind him as he absorbed what the hell was in front of him. Sitting on the other side of the room was a minotaur, or maybe something between a minotaur and a devil. This being had the body of a man, with a fine black suit covering it mostly. His head was human-ish, though he had a bit of a snout for a nose and huge cow horns protruding from the top of his head. His legs were crossed, so John could see that he had cow hooves for feet. His hands were very much human, with one holding onto a glass of some dark coloured liquor and the other planted firmly on his lady friend’s ass.

Oh yeah, there were two others in the room as well. Both were incredibly sexy women. The first was the one being groped by the demon bull guy, with breasts easily as big as John’s head and an ass to match. Her body was an hourglass, with a waist so narrow that it would make people on twitter wonder where her organs were. She was in a tight red dress that seemed to have just been painted on, and John could very easily see the points of her nipples on the top of the dress. She looked mostly human, though her skin was a slightly red colour and her eyes were inverted in colour as well, with black sclera and white pupils.

The other woman was even more obviously non-human, as she was straight up a goblin. But not a goblin from a high fantasy series where the goblins looked more feral and terrifying. No, she was a goblin from some erotica book, with a thick shortstack body that threatened to rip the tight clothes from her body. Her eyes were scanning John’s body, and she gave her lips a lick as she looked him over. Her hands reached up and gave her own sizable breasts a squeeze, causing John to almost **** on his own tongue as she gave him a sultry wink.

“Hey, kid. Eyes off the merch. We’ve got business to attend to.”

John’s attention snapped from the extraordinary sexy women to the bull demon, who took a slow sip from his drink. “You’re new,” he said, his smokey voice carrying through the small room. “Thought your boss was sending one of his top guys, not a newbie.”

‘This is a test. Play along.’

“I’m new to the area, but not the boss’ family,” John said, putting on an air of false-confidence. “The boss figured this would be a good way for me to get known in the area. I already have a rep where I come from. Gotta start building one up here.”

The bull demon man shrugged, handing his glass to his demoness companion. “Fair enough. Ain’t paid enough to care.” He then sat up straighter, pulling out a piece of paper from his breast pocket. John watched as the paper unfolded itself, turning from a small triangle to a large piece of parchment with words beautifully written upon it. “All you have to do is sign here, and our guilds will have our agreements.”

John sat down across the demon, taking the paper from him and giving it a quick read through. But before he could get very far, the demon spoke up again, “Whats the matter? Just sign the thing. I’ve got stuff to get to.”

“Oh, come now, my good fellow,” John said with a smile. “We both know that this is the perfect time to slip in something we didn’t agree upon. You can’t expect me to not take a quick read through.”

The bull demon raised an eyebrow in surprise, and the demoness growled at John. “You would dare accuse my master of trying to pull something like that upon you?!” She stood up, her sharp fingernails growing to wickedly sharp talons. Horns grew from her forehead and a tail emerged from behind her. “I should tear out your throat for such impudence!”

“Still won’t stop me from taking another readthrough of the contract!”

“You continue to insult him!”

John stood up, the demon woman’s gaze like molten lava. But John would not back down. “If being careful is an insult, then yes.”

“You worthless ma-”

“Enough, Selaznia,” the bull demon said, holding up a hand to halt the woman’s advance. He turned to look back at John, a pregnant pause passing between the two men. Then the demon began to laugh. At first, it was little more than a soft chuckle. But then it grew more and more into a full uproar, earning a look of confusion from both John and Selaznia.

“I knew your boss was shrewd, but I didn’t think his underlings would be the same.” The demon snapped his fingers, causing the goblin to jump to her feet (causing some very delicious jiggling when she did so) and grab another glass before filling it and the bull demon’s glass with more liquor. “You guessed correctly. I did add a small clause into our guilds’ contract that would have benefited me greatly.”

John sat back down, picking up the glass from the goblin but not taking a sip quite yet. “Should I read through to find it, or do you want to spare me from such a task and tell me what you added?”

The demon took a sip, and John mirrored his action. The liquor burned going down, and John had to hold back a rather embarrassing cough that would have betrayed his lack of drinking experience. “I’ll save us both the time. I put in a clause where all dealings between our two guilds would have to have me as a representative. It would secure my position at my guild, and make me invaluable if your guild wants to continue to have good relations with mine.”

John placed down the glass and leaned back in his seat. “Seems banal, all things considered.”

“The most powerful changes to a contract often are,” the demon explained. “I assume you will be letting your boss know about the change?”

“Why would I not?”

The demon smiled at that, his sharp teeth sending a shudder of fear through John. “Because I can ensure it is worth your while if you keep this secret from both our bosses.”

John mirrored the man’s grin. “How so?”

The demon snapped his fingers again, and this signaled the goblin once more. However, instead of pouring more liquor for the two of them, she instead took some slow steps towards John, swaying her hips and giving John bedroom eyes the entire way over. “How does Zizi sound for a proper bribe? Finest goblin **** I ever trained, and can make you forget the pleasures of human women with a single suck job.”

John’s blood suddenly ran cold, and though part of him wanted to do nothing but watch and indulge in this deliciously sexy goblin, a single word in that statement sent a shock through John. “She’s your ****?”

The demon nodded. “Finest one I bought. Certainly better than her predecessors. She at least understands her station, and knows how to please her master.”

Zizi placed her hands on John’s leg, shaking her ass as she looked up at him. “Please, I’d love to sample a proper human master,” she said with a sultry grin. “I can show you what I learned, and make you the happiest **** owner in all the Abyss.”

The demon flourished his hand, causing a fountain pen to appear in it. He held the pen out to John, letting a small breath of steam out as he spoke, “All you need to do is sign.”

John looked down at the contract, at Zizi, and then at the demon. Selaznia still stood there glaring at John, though her demonic transformation had receded to her normal form. She, and presumably the bull demon, and even possibly Zizi were dangerous. John should just sign and move on. Hell, Zizi was hot, he really wanted to take her for a “test run.” He should just sign and be done with it!

John took a deep breath, reached forward, and took the pen from the bull demon. He stepped out of the chair, shivering from Zizi groping him through his clothes, and laid the contract against the table. He walked over to stand beside the bull demon and scanned over for where he should sign. The bull demon, seeing John’s confusion, reached down and pointed at the bottom line. “Right here, kid.”

John reacted in an instant, grabbing the bull demon’s hand with his own free hand before stabbing the pen right into the bull demon’s eye.

CRIT! 30 Dmg!

“AAAAAGGGGHHH!” the bull demon yelled, reaching up and groping at his now bleeding face. Despite John’s hard grasp on his hand, the demon swung at John with his other hand, hitting John square in the chest and sending John into the wall

-20 HP

Before John could react, Selaznia was upon him. Though she had not transformed, she quickly rained a set of blows upon John, not giving him a moment to react.

-5 HP

-5 HP

-5 HP

-5 HP

John pushed away from the demon girl, putting his fists up and slipping into his fighting style.

Counterpuncher activated!

Lock the Fuck In activated!

“YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!” Selaznia screamed. Zizi, meanwhile, just ran towards the back of the room, hiding in a corner. John turned to face the demoness, who had transformed back into her hellish form. She stepped around the bull demon who was still screaming in pain.

“Bring it,” John said.

She let out a war cry, leaping towards John with claws outstretched and hellfire on her lips. But before she could connect with John, she froze midair. In fact, everything in the room froze. The bull demon was off to the side, blood pouring from his eye in a frozen waterfall of gore. Zizi sat off in a corner, watching with fear and confusion on her face. Selaznia floated mid air with fury and hatred on her beautiful features. And Erik walked towards John, having entered the room while John was not looking.

“Interesting choice, kid,” he said, looking over the scene. “You took a pretty hostile route in this little simulation.”

John deactivated his fighting stance, taking a more relaxed pose. “Was none of this real?”

Erik shook his head. “Nope. All illusions based off a deal I had intercepted back when I was more active.” He stepped past Selaznia, taking a closer look at the bull demon. “Interesting choice with this. Why’d you stab him?”

John shrugged. “He was a **** owner. Talked about buying multiple goblin slaves before Zizi over there.”

“So you just stabbed him because of that?”

John nodded. “Slavery is inherently evil. I cannot stand it.”

“It’s pretty common in the Abyss,” Erik said. “You’ll not make a lot of friends with that stance.”

“Then I’ll have to be an enemy to many,” John replied, crossing his arms.

“What if the test was to accept the deal?” Erik asked. “Being a champion of Gaia could mean you have to work alongside the scum of the Abyss, even if it isn’t morally correct.”

“Then I guess I’ll be a shit champion of Gaia.”

Erik smiled at that, taking a step towards John. “You sure? Might get you into trouble.”

“Then hopefully you’ll train me to get out of trouble.”

Erik placed a hand on John’s shoulder, giving him a nod. “Guess I gotta. Congrats, Newman. You passed my test.”