Adam Stockman, a perverted superfan

Life is full of regrets. That's a phrase many could attest to being correct. It's just the way of life. Downs always follow ups; when the sky is cloudy, the sun will eventually shine... That's the motivational shit people spew, right? Therapists, specifically. Imagine being paid just to say shit like that.

Anyway, I'm trying to motivate myself because I'm dealing with major regret. By major, I mean...

Well, major.

But let me go back and paint a picture of things first. I'm a 23-year-old, officially licensed, photographer and pretty skilled, if I do say so myself. Or, well, I was a photographer. That was before I had myself discharged for inappropri-

I- I was fired. Honestly, the specifics aren't too important for this whole ''mental image'' thing anyway. My name's Adam Stockman, and I enjoy life in its simplest form. The open-air, beautiful sunrise, the small gap of space between a woman's... Um...

So I've been called a creepy superfan... more than... a few times. It's fair enough. I mean, most of those accusations were valid and the reason for my suspension. I am man enough to admit that. Regardless, I could be considered an avid, ''appreciator'' of the arts and one's beauty—both inner and specifically outer. That being said, my particular regret was related to that ''appreciator'' status I hold so dearly. And...

Okay. Fuck chivalry.

I LOVE superheroes. Specifically heroines. They're the best of both worlds. Hot women. And powerful heroes. What's not to love, really? The problem is, I've never actually met one. Which I'm sure isn't hard to understand the twisted irony of unless one were to be in my shoes. But, in this world, shit hits the fan... almost daily. Stepping outside is like putting your life in the hands of fate. Who knows if your next interaction with someone is going to be an alien in disguise, or there might be a bomb on the road, demons from an alternate reality.. fuck, the picture paints itself.

With all the shit flying left and right, it is only a matter of time before one gets their secreted superhero interaction. At least, that should be the case.

But in my shoes, that was everything but true. I've never been in any sort of danger save for losing my job due to accidentally sending the wrong image files to my boss. So what, I took a few candid pictures of hot babes? I was just appreciating their beauty! Eh, whatever.

I can deal with a lost job; it ain't hard to get a new one.

Issues arise when I begin to feel cursed to live the life of a normal shit until I die an average bastard. Nothing has happened to me; no villain popped up to fuck shit, and no hero flew in to save the day.

NOTHING.

And today just cemented that.

Now consider me visiting a convention in Jump City because interacting with hot cosplayers is the closest I can get to actually meeting the real thing. And then there is a massive crash that shakes the entire foundation the building stood on. Naturally, while everyone else is screaming bouts of confusion, I run outside to hopefully get an eye of the danger; maybe even a peek of a heroine's thigh. With my camera at the ready, I looked up to a building that looked like something giant had just landed on it and...

Nothing.

F-Fucking NOTHING!

I missed all the goddamn action. And apparently, from the words of a couple of onlookers, the action in question spewed from the Teen Titans. Quite literally, my favorite hero team. Specifically for its female members, I mean, I have jizzed more times than I'd care to admit from a video clip of Raven's leg peeking out through her cloak. And Stargirl's tight spandex ass shifting as she walks.... shit, I... f... yeah, I'm a fan of the team as a whole. They're certainly my favorite.

So.

Safe to say, I was pissed. In my **** attempt to get to the top of the building they were most definitely on, I ran up to the front double doors with the clear goal of going inside.

"Hey, buddy!" A cop shouted from behind me. His voice spoke with a calming yet clearly assertive tone. "What are you doing over there? Stay back. We're clearing the area."

"I..." My mouth opened but then closed as reality set in. "Okay,"

With yet another defeated sigh, I left the area. My feet kicked the fallen rubble as it was the only way for me to physically express my depressed state.

And that leads me back to the present. In the sad space of my motel room; sitting at a desk while writing in my log about yet another disappointingly average day. The only difference being that now reality is teasing me with how fucking uneventful my life is. I guess it's a dose of karma. For being a perv, I am destined to never meet a hero, let alone a heroine in person.

I sighed and leaned back in my chair.

*Clink*

What?

I glanced behind me and noticed a...

A gold monocle?

So that's what it was... I guess I forgot to mention the shiny coin-like thing that caught my eye. It was just on the sidewalk, and I accidentally kicked it on my way out of dodge. I had picked it up and tossed it into my bag without even realizing it. Shows how little shits I had to give.

And it wasn't even a coin. I picked it up to eye it from a few altered angles.

It didn't have a chain or anything attached. I brought it up towards my eye, mainly wondering how this damn thing was supposed to stay on, and...

Well.

Something weird happened.

"Oh, my word. Those blasted Titans... That was certainly unpleasant..."

"Holy fuckin- f- s-shitttt!!!" I blabbered out quicker than my brain and eyes could work together to process what was transpiring before me. Somehow I went from seated on a rigid wood chair to scattered across the floor.

Above me floated a distinctly transparent figure. Glowing with a white aura along its edges and clad in a well-pressed albeit outdated fashioned suit, it reached up towards its hat, which looked to be seated atop an invisible head. "My apologies for the scare. I do understand my phantasmal form could arise such levels of distress."

I blinked and watched as this faceless ghostly and politely presented... thing tipped its hat towards me.

"I am the Gentleman Ghost!" The ghost reached inside its jacket and extended a card, "Perhaps you might have heard of me?"

"No I, uh..." I stared at his outstretched hand and eyed the card. "Can't say I have."

"Oh," The card disappeared. "Well then. I believe today's generation are not quite as indulgent in their education as they once were... shame really."

"W..whuh..." With a bit of hesitance, I managed to rise to my feet. "Who the hell are you?"

"Son, are you deaf?" The ghost tilted its invisible face. "I am the Gentleman Ghost."

"And... y..you're a ghost?"

"Indeed." Then with a sigh, the ghost added, "Are you pretending to be stupid, or are you just an idiot?"

"I'm just..." My arm felt somewhat itchy as I raised my hand up to stroke it, "In shock, I guess... This... this shit doesn't really happen to me. Like- you're an..." I raised my hand up to wave it through the floating man's transparent form. "Actual fucking ghost..."

"Woah Woah Woah Woah there!" The Gentleman Ghost snapped his fingers, and the monocle that had fallen onto the ground lifted into the air and flew towards the ghost's gloved hand. "Heed your step. This here monocle is the only thing tying me to your mortal realm." He held up the monocle into the light for me to see before it gently placed it atop the desk. "I swear. The fact that the teenage girl was a demon had completely escaped my notice. I would give the lass credit, but it twass a lucky shot more than anything."

*SNAP*

The flash of my camera prompted the ghost to stop prattling to itself.

"Are you even listening?!"

"Holy shit, this is so fucking..." *SNAP* I took another photo and eyed the resulting image. The picture showed nothing save for the motel wall and desk; the particular ghost in question was nowhere to be seen. *SNAP* "Sorry." I blinked and looked up, "Were you saying something important?"

"I..." The Gentleman Ghost paused for a second to consider then admitted, "No, I suppose I was not... Hmm... well, allow me to rectify that..."

*SNAP*

"When you are done taking photos, that is..."

"Oh," I lowered the camera, "Sorry. Go ahead,"

"Alright then," The Gentleman Ghost cleared his throat. "Well. Regardless of whether you are appreciative or not. You and I will be stuck together for the foreseeable future as I am now bound to you."

"I'm.. sorry," my brow scrunched up, and I placed the camera aside, "What does that mean? You're like my British little ghost buddy? Like- how bound is... well, bound."

"Where you wonder, I wonder. It is quite simple, really."

"Oh shit. Th- that is going to be..." with a slightly embarrassed chuckle followed by a cough, I admitted, "A bit awkward... I sometimes... well, often..."

"Find pleasure in the feminine figures of your various heroine celebrity crushes? Oh, trust me, the moment I bonded with you, I became well aware of that. I am both disappointed... and enthralled in the prospect of having such a brutish bloke like yourself as a host."

I frowned, "Okay, what do you mean by that?"

"Well my friend, the way I see it. And, this is speaking in entirely frank terms. You live a ghastly life, and I can help turn you into a more... respective member of society, all the while you get to enjoy the powers gifted onto you through me." The Gentleman Ghost yawned and leaned back while floating; it maneuvered towards the bed and gently inched down towards it. "Seems like a fair partnership to me."

"Hold on," I eyed the ghost, "What do you get out of this? I mean, this whole thing sounds sketch as fuck."

"First order of business, your use of profanity." The ghost pointed a gloved finger towards me, "That will be something we must work on,"

My eyes narrowed, "You didn't answer my question."

"Pardon? What do I get out of this? Heh~ Possibly the opportunity to turn a brutish swine such as yourself into a proper member of society is enough of a reason?"

"Ehh..."

"Okay, alright. Maybe I can also spare to gather some energy from you to regain my form-" He quickly mumbled under his breath before saying, "Look, kid. You shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"Well, you are a villain." I said, "So... I mean... this doesn't seem like the best situation to be in."

"A villain!?" The Gentleman Ghost gasped, "Ho- Wh- Yo- I- I am appalled. No, I am shocked. I am shocked and hurt that you would assume-"

"You literally yelled, ''Blasted Titans,'' when you first showed up,"

"Oh, that? Well, it is a British form of speech, you would not understand." The Gentleman Ghost shooed away my response with a backhanded wave. "Now, do you want my power or not? Because if you wish to go back to your uneventfully casual life experience of getting thrills by sneaking pictures of a woman's breast over her shoulder, be my guest. Here I assumed you would desire to strive for more with the assistance of a spectral entity's power. Though what am I but a voice in the wind?"

Hmm...

When he phrases it like that...