Act of God - Ariana

(This story continues from Act of God - Reese.)

Ariana Grande kicked open the door of Joe's apartment, furious. "Hey, what the hell's going on here?"

"Why, Ariana, how pleasant to see you. I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

"You know exactly what I mean, Joe. I'm supposed to have the most popular Instagram account in the world. I worked hard to get that many followers. How come you're beating me? You're just some random schmuck with a cell phone. You're not even famous."

"I guess my content's just that good," said Joe, shrugging. "Have a look." He showed his phone to Ariana, scrolling through the pictures on his Instagram. There were shots of Emma Stone dangling from a streetlight by her underpants, Mary Elizabeth Winstead handcuffed to a lamp post with her panties down, Zooey Deschanel on a catwalk in a body stocking. "People like seeing female celebrities embarrassed and naked. What can I say?"

"It isn't fair! How am I supposed to compete with that?"

"You could post some pictures of yourself embarrassed and naked. Maybe that'd help."

"I'm not doing to do that. Don't be ridiculous."

"Suit yourself." Joe snapped a picture of Ariana just as her jeans fell down, leaving her standing before him in only her tight black singlet and her strawberry-print panties. "Ariana Grande caught with her pants down. This ought to get a few likes."

"Hey! Give that back!" Ariana, blushing and furious, made a lunge for the phone. Joe stepped out of the way as she tripped out of her jeans, stumbling forward across his living room and out the door of his balcony. Quickly, he slammed the glass door shut behind him, leaving her stuck on the balcony with no pants on. She was completely visible from the street. He snapped a few more photos as she banged on the glass, outraged, listening to car horns honk at her.

"Ariana Grande stuck on balcony with no pants on," he said, picking up her jeans and waving them at her. "Look, I've already got three thousand likes, and I only posted it two seconds ago."

"How dare you! Let me back in right now!" Ariana pulled down on the hem of her singlet as hard as she could, tying to cover her panties. Unfortunately, she pulled a little too hard, and the shoulder straps snapped. The garment dropped down around her ankles and slipped over her toes as she toppled forward in surprise, pressing her bra-clad breasts against the glass. Before she could react, the wind had picked it up and carried it away, leaving her stranded on the balcony in her underwear.

"Okay," said Joe, who was now filming with two phones. "I decided to help you out a bit, Ariana. I got your phone out of your pocket and I'm uploading all this to your official Instagram account, with the hashtags #arianashame and #joeisthebest."

"Joe," said Ariana quietly, folding her arms across her pink bra and trying to ignore the glare of the phone cameras. "Let me in right now or I'm going to sue you into oblivion."

"I don't think you should sue me. I think you should sue Neiku."

"Who the hell is Neiku?"

"The Chinese company who made your underwear. See, they cut corners by using a special fabric that shrinks when it gets wet. But you'll be fine as long as it doesn't start to rain."

It started to rain.

Joe watched in amusement as Ariana began to do a humiliated little dance on his balcony, trying to protect her underwear from the water as the pink garments slowly dwindled into nothingness. "On the bright side," he said, "#arianashame is trending."