A date at the Blowjob Cafe (Completed), by Fluftixxx

“Uhhhhhhhhggggggghhh!!!”

“Gina please, It has only been sixty-seven days since we started a review like that.”

“But I don’t wanna do thiiis Marcie! Just look at this shit!”

I'm finally going on a date, but the whole time the waitress will be trying to make me cum!

“I guess you could say A date at the Blowjob Cafe (Completed), by Fluftixxx, is not exactly your cup of tea, Gina.”

“I hate blowjobs and I hate blowjobs stories. How the fuck have we read multiple stories that focus entirely on the concept of blowjobs?

“I mean, there was “You wake up, ready for more brutal throatfucks(plot)” and “Hot Sausage, Big Tips” but three stories in five years hardly feels like an inordinate amount, Gina.”

“That’s three too many, Marcie.”

“Gina, you don’t like blowjobs and I don’t like Cafe’s. I believe we are pretty even here.”

“Right.”

“With that mindset. Let us dive right in and see if this story...sucks.”

“Ugh….”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Ok, this is a story about an unnamed loser who is invited by a girl named Lily to a ugh...Blowjob cafe.”

“Interestingly enough, the story also has game mode enabled. I am very curious about what exciting things Fluftixxxx will do with the function.”

“Nothing, Marcie. It will do nothing. It never does anything.”

“But perhaps this time it will be different.”

“…”

“Or maybe not.”

“Is this the same Lily from the Gambler story, Marcie?”

“I doubt it, Gina.”

“Whatever. It helps my misery by pretending this pathetic shlub is Caleb.”

"You look beautiful."

Again that smile came out, making me feel like I was melting.

"Thanks, you're not so bad yourself. Ready to go?"

"Yep, let's go."

“Riveting dialog so far.”

“The story clearly wants us to proceed to the titular cafe quickly. No reason to delay when there is blowjobs to be had.”

“Why the hell is the text suddenly cursive, Marcie?”

“I believe it is to show the protagonists thoughts, Gina.”

“Yeah ok, but this wasn’t done in the first two chapters!”

“Neither is it done in later chapters. A bit arbitrary."

Basically, they would ask out their crush and go to the Blowjob cafe on the first date. If the guy cums too fast, they know not to sleep with them. If they manage to impress the girl, the relationship continues. Of course, they still need to be entertaining enough during the date, or else you could lose her interest that way. And reportedly the employees were very talented at distracting you.

“Hm, I must say, I do not dislike this idea.”

“Oh fuck off, Marcie.”

“Look all I am saying, it would be fun to take Cutie to such an establishment.”

“He would cum within 4.5 seconds.”

“Yes, that would be the fun part.”

“Uhu sure. So, they are in the cafe and order some food.”

“Hmm, this place is called a cafe despite the fact that it is clearly a restaurant.”

“Guess Blowjob Restaurant doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

“But if that was a concern why not call it a Blowjob Bar? Or perhaps the Blowjob Beanery? Maybe go with Fellatio Ristorante to give it a bit of an mediterran flair. Or if you really must keep with the insufferable French, call it Cunnilingus Cafe! This so called “Cafe” is in **** need of better management.”

“Are you done, Marcie?”

“Yes, Gina.”

“Good, so the waitress...”

“Deepthroat Diner! That is it! The perfect non French name!”

“ARE YOU DONE?”

“Yes.”

She wasted no time in getting my pants off down and my underwear followed a second later.

“This is quite impressive, considering the fact that he is sitting on a chair. Is he helping her along by standing up? Is she just ripping his pants off? I do not have a problem with that, I just need answers, Fluftixxxxx.”

“...Monica, the waitress, starts sucking Caleb off.”

“Hmm...this is actually not badly written.”

“Seriously, Marcie?”

“There are no spelling mistake and there is decent variation in the foreplay. The situation is also unique enough that it is quite exciting.”

“Great, happy to see a story finally satisfies your femdom kink again.”

“It has been a very long time.”

“We’re also having a choice to make here.”

“Uh, lets have him ejaculate, hehehe.”

“...sure, Marcie.”

Then she grinned just for a second because diving back in.

“It appears I praised Fluftixxxxxx too soon.”

"Still, it's just one date. I'm sure you'll find a girl someday." She nudged my arm for a second before turning around and walking away. "Monica called an uber, so don't worry about me."

“Wow, what a bitch.”

After a while, Monica came back. "If you don't mind, I have to get this booth cleaned up. As you might remember, we only serve couples."

“Turning an unserved customer away strikes me as a very bad business model. Again, they need better management.”

“So the loser fucked up and I guess that’s a game over?”

“Hm, we are getting a reset link though. Surprisingly few stories actually bother with this. I appreciate when authors go the extra mile. Well done, Fluftixxxxxxx!”

“Stop that.”

“To honor this commitment. We will circle back.”

“Of course we do. So, in this branch Monica is nicer and makes Caleb a deal. Another branching choice. Femdom or Vanilla.”

“I do like me some Captain Vanilla, but you do know I am legally obligated to pick femdom, Gina.”

“Yeah sure, you won’t hear me complaining.”

“This is apparently the main route and according to Fluftixxxxxxxx it also has the most content. Since we picked femdom Caleb ends up getting a buttplug, which he immediately accepts.”

“I don’t get it. Do non lesbians really like these wimpy ass virgin loser nerds, Marcie?”

“They can be somewhat cute. The protagonists **** attempts to please Lily are rather adorable.”

WTF! She knew about the deal. Did Monica tell her? But I got back to the table first.

“Yeah, that sure as fuck turned out well for Caleb.”

“Dear Fluftixxxxxxxxx, please do not use WTF in writing. I find it highly displeasing.”

“So, he screwed up. Again. But it’s not all bad, Monica likes the loser enough to make him her pet.”

“We get a bit of an extended epilogue. Which is not terrible but I feel it could have gone on for a little while longer. A whole year is covered in it but…”

“These chapters are all short as fuck, so yeah.”

Her mouth pulled back, just as her fist hit my balls! What should have been the best orgasm of my life was stopped in its tracks as pain erupted in my groin and shot up to my stomach. My already non-existent appetite got crushed even further as I started feeling nauseous.

“That escalated quickly.”

“That psycho bitch punched him in the balls!”

“Well Gina. At least you should enjoy that.”

“What? No! Why the fuck would I enjoy fucking ball punching, Marcie?”

“I mean…”

“No I don’t! At least not in a sexual way! Fucking hell!”

When her hand returned, it was not the pleasant stroking from before. Instead, she used her nails to pinch the skin of my shaft. Not too hard, but enough to sting. When I had calmed down a little she started stroking again. At this point, I felt like I could cum from a light breeze hitting me.

“Too bad, because we are now firmly in what is colloquially called cock and ball ****.”

“And this is the longest chapter so far as well. Flufti clearly has a kink”

“Who?”

“Are you fucking kidding...”

“So the dinner ends with Caleb getting put into a chastity cage. Nice!”

"At least he got some protection now. So, we done?"

“Not yet apparently, Gina. We are having Fluftixxxxxxxxxx’s author notes to get through.”

“Or we can just not do that.”

This story took way longer than expected and got way bigger than planned, but I'm happy with how it turned out.

“The fuck this dude on about? This took maybe half an hour to read everything! It’s not that much!”

“Apparently the vanilla branch was longer.”

“So that fucker lied to us!”

“Quite so. This actually was not a terrible story. I appreciate Fluftixxxxxxxxxxx going the extra mile when it comes to presentation. The writing itself is serviceable.”

“Sure, I guess I didn’t vomit.”

“And Gina did not vomit. Impressive, given this is a blowjob story. On the criticism side of things. At least this femdom branch could have needed a bit more content. As it were it did not get me off, but it came decently close. Quite a rarity in itself these days.”

“Yeah, and Caleb is too much of a wet noodle to make the scumbag list. So congratulations, I guess. Your story doesn’t suck.”

“Then again, given the premise of this story. Not sucking might not be a good thing.”

“Oh, fuck off.”