A Study on the Laws of Coincidence, by JokersToTheLeft

“Marcie, that has got to be the lamest title yet. Is this another story from this warden guy?”

“As a matter of fact, it isn't. This is a branch in Contagion 63X - Viral Transformation.”

“Already? What the hell happened to the three months waiting period?”

“No, No, Gina. This is a different author. We are reading “A Study on the Laws of Coincidence, by JokersToTheLeft.”

„Well, if it's a branch in this dump it can't be any good.“

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“You know what, Marcie? Let me start with saying something positive.”

“Sure, Gina.”

“At the very least there weren't many chapters.”

„Indeed.“

“This pathetic excuse for an erotic story focuses on William and Anna. Two no name losers who camp out in the desert to watch horror movies.”

“Not my preferred past time but who am I to judge?”

“William gets stung by a scorpion and instead of dying right fucking there he transforms into some weird bug thing.”

“Actually Gina, only the subspecies of Black Scorpion has venom strong enough to kill a man. This is fairly accurate.”

“Oh, transforming into a Bug monstrosity is accurate!”

“Still think that description sounds like Bowsette.”

“But seriously, Marcie. Bugs? This freak has a bug fetish! Who the fuck finds bugs sexy?”

“...you would be surprised.”

“I'm not googling sexy bugs.”

“I dunno Gina. Didn't you always wanted to be the Queen Bee?”

“No. In fact, I outlawed that term. Anyone who called me that was fed a beehive.”

“Lovely. But in all seriousness, I think its supposed to be the Xenomorph from Alien.”

“Not that much sexier!”

“Yes, yes. I believe we should carry on with the story.”

“Fine, transforming also gave the two bug lovers a superiority complex so they declare themselves Emperor and Empress, even tough they are nothing more then miserable upjumped gnats! You can't just declare yourself Empress!”

“I am sensing some resentment here.”

“And as all upjumped gnats do, they decide that they want to take over the world.”

“Well, not exactly. William specifies that he only wants to take over a part of the continent. Quite modest actually.”

“Whatever. They do this by turning humans into mindless zombie bug slaves to do their bidding's.”

Looking on in disbelief, Ashley and Mike stared at the creature that used to be Bruce. Standing around seven feet tall on digitigrade legs, a black, chitinous shell had replaced his skin, his now lengthened arms ended in spindly hands that were capped by sharp claws, a sharp looking tail had erupted from just above his ass, and he had cylindrical protrusions coming from his back. His head was the most changed, being shrunk into a cylindrical shape before then being dramatically lengthened behind his neck. Most of his facial features had been removed, and in their place his mouth had grown to take up around half of his face, silvery teeth visible in a horrifying facsimile of a smile as the creature looked around. Vaporous breath escaped its maw towards Ashley and Mike, and the penis she only just noticed grew erect, though she also noticed it was much smaller than it was when he was a human, before turning towards the three unbound being in the room and taking on a more subservient stance.

“I have an inkling of a feeling that this author doesn't really want to write an erotic story.”

“Geez Marcie. What gave it away?”

“I would say it was the fact that there really isn't that much focus on sex. I mean there is sex, but it serves more as a narrative device, driving the plot forward.”

“That was a rhetorical question.”

“Anyways, William goes full Chuunibyou and gives himself a second name. Wey'land. He also is a real fan of the Romans, so he... pfft...”

“Ugh...what now, Marcie?”

“He...he installs the praetorians..and...get this....he actually calls them his most loyal guards! Bwahahahahaha!”

“...I don't get it.”

“Well, maybe if these two imbeciles hadn't skipped their classes they would get it.”

“...yeah, ok.”

“But I digress. Anyone converted to a bug is fiercely loyal to the imperials. So unfortunately Wey'land will not join the list of Emperors murdered by the praetorian guard anytime soon.”

“Again with that super loyal bullshit. William isn't as much a Mary Sue compared to that other fuck, but why do these fuckers always have a cheat code?”

“One could argue that Joker is just following the precedent set by Aroband.”

“One could also argue that I don't give a shit.”

“Proceeding with the plot, our two imperials waste no time in taking over a small town.”

“I can give them credit for that. Aiden just dicks around like no tomorrow. These two are actually getting shit done!”

“While that is true, this was a rather poor move on their part.”

“Ok, how so?”

“William may have taken over a town, but he also announced his presence to the world by doing so. Unfortunately, just as their artistic sense, their warfare is also stuck in roman times. What prevents the government from just nuking the town?”

“Maybe the unwillingness to commit genocide?”

“Perhaps, but this is an extinction level threat. Common decency is certainly not the most sought after virtue right now. Besides, banking that your enemies may show you mercy, is a foolish notion. Why if it was me...”

“Yes, yes, convert the president and take over the country from the shadows. We get it, Marcie.”

“...it is a sound strategy.”

“And uh...I guess that's about it? There weren't that many chapters, but at least things are moving.”

“So, what do you think, Gina?”

“I don't find bugs sexy.”

“Yes, I believe we established that.”

“I mean what more is there to fucking say?”

“Hm...I have a bit of an issue with Williams attitude.”

“Oh, you don't say?”

“There is just something unpleasant about his delusions of grandeur. Something about it doesn't feel right.”

“Oh, wow. Maybe its the fact that they turn people into fucking bug slaves?”

“No, No, that isn't it.”

“Oh, fuck me.”

“I mean, take that one scene in the latest chapter when he sheepishly admits he designed the cells that way because he thought that looked cool. I suppose it should come across as humorous but it just feels tone deaf to me.”

“Still think its the turning people into bug things.”

“I really struggle with this one, because William is this close to being a good character. But something is off. I can't really put my finger on it...”

“Alright Marcie. As entertaining as your inane ramblings are...”

“SELF AWARENESS!”

“WAH!!!!”

“William, or rather the story is not self aware of how goofy this all is. William would work so much better as a lovable Oaf, say in the vines of Bowser. We get a glimpse of that every now and then but then he just ruins it. Like when he murders that kid for challenging him. Why not just simply knock him away? He could still turn people into bug monstrosities but be lighthearted about it.”

“That somehow sounds even more horrifying.”

“I'm serious here, Gina. The story teases this big confrontation with Aiden, who is just as much of a smug asshole. So what? We have two arrogant douchebags trying to decide who's the edgier of the two? That's boring! Dreadfully so!”

“Ok, Marcie. I think you need to calm down.”

“Look, I give the story credit for being far more thought out then the main branch. The writing is good a well. I even go as far as to say it deserves more then the few paltry likes it gotten.”

“Woah, there! Now you really need to chill.”

“This story is so close to something really great! If only our two main characters where slightly more likeable! Its frustrating! Its vexing! It's just...just...”

“Just what?”

“Really bugging me.”

“...”

“pffft.”

“Fuck you.”