A Proclamation to the people of the Mushroom Kingdom

Nestled in the shadow of Toadstool Castle and adjacent to the Royal Speedway was a quiet little burg known as Toad Town. Not only was it essentially the capital city of the Mushroom Kingdom, but it was also the Kingdom’s center of commerce, having been built at a crossroads of three other villages as well as having easy access to Pipe City via underground tunnel. When Mario had first arrived, nothing else existed in this area but Toadstool Castle, so the residents (mostly Toads) took great pride in the city that they had built from the ground up, time and time again. Toad Town had weathered calamity and disaster multiple times (mostly at the hands of Bowser and his children, adoptive or otherwise), and the beings that lived in it had survived, rebuilt, and thrived again each time, thus building a strong, resolute populace that was ready for just about anything.

Or so they thought until today. Nothing could have prepared them for this, in their minds. How could they have possibly even imagined or, even if they had, entertained the mere possibility of the events that were about to unfold before their very eyes? But it had happened, or rather will happen, having been preordained by forces beyond their comprehension. The event that unfolds thus will be etched into the minds of all beings who were in attendance that day, Toadstools, Koopas, Goombas, and others alike, for as long as they lived. And the denizens of this world lived very long lives indeed.

It had been just like any other sunny day in Toad Town, beings of varying levels of sentience and intelligence going about their comings and goings. Food was eaten, coins swapped hands, and bonds of friendship were forged over shroom cake. The Toad known as Buckenberry in particular was shopping for adventuring gear, getting ready to ship out on another bout of treasure hunting with his Captain, the ubiquitous Toad. Perhaps the only one of his kind that had had an in with Mario and the Princess from the very start, learning from the mustached heroes and journeying through his transformation from common coward to a courageous Captain, forging a path all his own. Lucky bastard was also the boyfriend of Toadette. The Toadette, not some random one. The one rumored to be next in line for the throne, having inherited the Super Crown and all the powers it held. That Toadette.

Buckenberry had just stepped outside with the adventuring goods that he had purchased when he felt a drop of liquid fall on top of his mushroom-capped head. That’s odd, he thought as he looked up to the beautiful blue sky, the forecast hadn’t called for rain. Had a bird shat on him? That wasn’t a fortuitous sign, maybe he should tell the Captain that he needed a leave of absence?

But that’s when he saw her, gliding gracefully through the air like an angelic parasol. Princess Peach Toadstool of Mushroom Kingdom, on a gentle descent to the heart of Toad Town. Naked as the day she was born. Buckenberry couldn’t believe his eyes. He had to do a double take. A triple take. A quadrideciple take.

A slow realization downed on Buckenberry as other citizens rushed past him, their eyes glued skyward. He slowly reached up to his head, and wiped the sizable drop off with his fingers. He looked at it, clear and sticky to the touch, before licking it off his fingers.

Buckenberry dropped his shopping bag, contents scattering onto the road and rolling to destinations unknown.

It tasted like sea salt caramel ice cream.

The Princess tasted like sea salt caramel ice cream.

Princess Peach’s vaginal fluids tasted like sea salt caramel ice cream.

Buckenberry bolted down the road towards the Town Square, following the surging crowd, all thoughts of adventure and treasure hunting forgotten. The most wonderful treasure in the world was being displayed in the heart of Toad Town, and she tasted like sea salt caramel ice cream.

Meanwhile, up in the sky, the Princess floated on down to the town, doing her best to ignore the crowd chasing her. Why did she have to pick the busiest time of day to do this? Anxiety welled up in her gut, churning an uneasiness that made her want to throw up. This was a thousand times worse than any other public speech Peach had ever done, the stuff of nightmares. But she did her best to stamp the feeling down. The figurative bridge had not only been crossed and burned, but it lay in cinders and ash behind her. There was no turning back now, and although that knowledge didn’t make the churning of anxiety go away, it did fill her with a kind of pride and determination she didn’t know she had.

“Wow, look at them go!” Perry shouted excitedly, “Everyone’s so eager to see you!”

“See me naked,” Princess Peach frowned. Once again, this didn’t seem the best idea, but Stars above did it feel good. Having her flesh bared completely before her subjects actually felt rather liberating now that she thought on it. Why hadn’t she thought of doing this before? Did it really take Toadsworth pushing things just a little too far? Or had she always wanted to do this, secretly, and her frustration at being locked up in a gilded cage was just the impetus she needed? If only there had been a counselor or therapist on staff, Peach would’ve had someone to talk about this to. She then put hiring one on her to-do list after this was all over. If she were still in power after this.

“I can see the plaza fountain!” Perry announced, “You ready to go in for a landing?”

No, Peach thought. “Yes,” she said instead.

“Okay, here we go!” Perry said as they picked up speed and dived even faster, spiraling towards the plaza in a controlled descent until finally Peach’s bare delicate feet landed on the hot, sun-baked stone tiling of Toad Town’s Central Plaza. “Whew!” the parasol said as though he had just got done running a circuit, “I think that’s the furthest we’ve ever flown in one go, Princess!”

Peach looked up, resting Perry on her shoulder while letting the hand holding the Vibe Scepter fall to her side. They had flown quite far, from the top of the West Tower all the way down to the commercial center of Toad Town. That had to be a mile or two at the very least!

But Princess Peach didn’t have much time to dwell on that, as she saw the residents of the Kingdom began flooding in, mostly from the general direction from which she’d came, but soon they were coming from all sides. All were eager to see their bare baroness in all her glory, but none were so eager that they were willing to get close upon laying eyes on the Princess’s most prized weapon, the Vibe Scepter. Everyone knew full well that with it, Peach was capable of subduing even the most terrifying tyrant of all.

Peach was grateful for both the space and for the Toads’ inherent cowardice that made it possible. She did not want to have to turn the wand on her populace. Yet.

The excitement from earlier had somewhat worn off, and now the crowd seemed to be unable to decide what it wanted to do. A hushed awe fell first as the denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom took in the sight before them. Despite not wearing any clothes, the Princess still cut a poised and imposing figure. A lack of clothes wouldn’t suddenly undo years of charm schooling after all, and although the Princess’s diet consisted mostly of cake (both the shroom and sweet variety), she was no slouch either. All her diet did was give a soft, yielding cover to years of all-around athletic training for the many events she planned and attended over the years.

Once their eyes had had their fill, the people gathered in the plaza began to look at one another, as if to say, “What now?” That’s when the murmurs began, scattered at first, but then it grew until almost the whole town was speaking to themselves. Princess Peach was a little puzzled to say the least, she knew that no one would invade her space if she took the Scepter with her, but she would’ve thought someone would’ve approached her by now! She began catching snippets of the conversations around her. Things like, “Why is she just standing there?”, “Why isn’t she wearing clothes?”, “Damn, she’s got a thicc ass!”, “Thank you, o Star Spirits for granting my wish…”, and “Is she being brainwashed?”

Peach needed to act now, before she lost control of the situation, “Perry?”

“Yes, Your Highness?”

“I don’t suppose you can turn into some kind of megaphone or something?”

“Hmm,” Perry thought, “I dunno, but I guess I could give it a shot!”

After a few tries and much straining, Perry had folded himself into an approximation of a fabric cone. “Sorry, Princess, I think this is the best I can do,” Perry the bullhorn panted.

“It’s quite alright,” Peach smiled, she’d pat him affectionately if her other hand weren’t occupied at the moment, “I’m sure you did your best.”

Princess Peach pulled the smaller opening towards her luscious lips, licking them. Her heart beat fiercely in her chest, she had no idea what to say but knew she must say something before the crowd turned on her. Normally, she’d have a prepared speech beforehand, practiced again and again to perfection that was itself perfectly written by the best Toad wordsmiths the Mushroom Kingdom had to offer. She had final say as to what was actually in the speech, of course, but in a way the words were never truly her own. Just another puppet string for Toadsworth to tug.

That changed now.

“Ah, attention citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom!” Peach kicked herself mentally for stumbling over literally the first word, but none of the beings before her seemed to have noticed, thank the Star Spirits. She continued as though nothing was wrong. Pretend everything is going as planned and they will believe it, that was at least one lesson Toadsworth taught her that she could actually take to heart, “I am your Queen, Peach Toadstool!”

Wait, what did she just say? Peach’s eyes widened as her mind took in the implications of what had just tumbled out her mouth of their own accord. But when the shock wore off moments later, an odd peace settled upon her soul. Wasn’t this what she wanted? And if Toadsworth wasn’t going to give it to her, didn’t she have the right to take it for herself? Peach seized upon that determination, making it her lightning rod.

The crowd again began to murmur: “Wait, what?” “Did she say Queen?” “About time.” “This still doesn’t explain why she’s naked.”

There was no going back, and Queen Toadstool couldn’t be happier. Swallowing her shrinking anxiety, Peach continued, “That’s right, my period of mourning over my father’s untimely **** has come to a close, and I am ready to step up to the throne and assume the role that I should have a long time ago.” Nice save, and none of that was technically a lie, Peach patted herself on the back. Now to put things back on course, “That’s one of the reasons why I have chosen to appear before you as such today. To show you all that I am ready to lay everything bare and that there are no secrets between me and all of you.

“Because the truth of the matter is this: none of my castle staff, nor even my steward know that I have come before you to make this proclamation because they would have been against it. They would have kept me locked up forever in a gilded cage as the Princess you knew before, naive, benign, and innocent,” No, no, no! What was she doing?! She wasn’t out to start a coup…, or so she thought. Actually, maybe this is what she and, by extension, the Kingdom needed. Regardless, the truth continued to flow from her mouth like a burst dam, “But that’s not what I want and not what you, my people, deserve. I’m here today to reclaim what’s rightfully mine, and if you support me then please help me show our resolve to those who have taken my power away from me by following me to the castle for my coronation, which will occur whether they want it or not!”

With that final statement, Peach was well and truly emotionally spent. She had poured her heart out to her people; now she could only hope that their hearts had been open enough to listen. If not, then she would surely know soon enough when they chased her out with figurative pitchforks. Or worse. Either way, Peach was ready to accept her fate.

Meanwhile, as she thought this, the crowd had once again fallen silent. For a terrifying moment, Peach thought that her speech had failed, that her words had only served to anger the people from whom she sought succor. But then someone from the crowd spoke up, “Long live Queen Toadstool!”

It was a solitary voice at first, but then the sentiment was echoed by another, and then another. More and more chimed in until the gathered crowd chanted, “Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen!” Clothes began flying into the air, as members of the crowd began stripping to show their solidarity with their chosen monarch. Peach thought that was a bit much, but she wasn’t about to dissuade them either.

For the second time that day, Peach cried tears of joy. She tried not to, not wanting to show weakness before her subjects, but they came all the same. She lifted Perry again, “I hear you, citizens! Then come! Let us march on the castle and show them who’s truly in command of this Kingdom!”

Thus, the newly crowned Queen Peach Toadstool led a march of the Mushroom Kingdom’s various subjects in just as varied states of nakedness on her own castle.