A Message From Beyond

Dear Peter Parker,

It’s me! Peter Parker.

You might remember me from such shows as: the bathroom mirror, your inner monologue, and the man who multiversally swapped lives with you.

Yeah… dunno if this is gonna find you out there, Pete. But I am the other one. I assume you’re calling me ‘Model Peter’ since I’ve been calling you ‘Photograph Peter’. Hm, I wonder if we’d have been coworkers in another life? Ugh, I feel like I’m messing this up somehow, you know?

I don’t even know why I did the ‘Dear Peter Parker’ thing, this is an audio recording!

Maybe I should have just done this as a letter…

Focus!

Okay, so, I guess the first thing to address: I don’t know where you are. This isn’t a message to say that I managed to talk to the right hero or villain to reconnect us, I am literally throwing this message out into the ether once it’s done. Part of it is my own conscience, but I do really hope it finds you too… because then it’ll be true that it could happen.

As you haven’t found me either, I think we can safely assume this is a permanent change.

My Reed probably gave you the same speech your Reed gave me. Multiverse is too large and we’re too small an arachnid to ever whittle down the possibilities. No magic nor tech can register that we even swapped places. Maybe it was just like a soul swap rather than a body swap? Although, that implies that boners are a part of the soul rather than the body.

Oh, yeah… boners.

They’re quite… prevalent here, aren’t they? Like, wow. I’m not getting them personally, but I was way too fascinated by the complete biological switch up from my universe to not do extensive research. Porn is like… so much different here.

There’s other big changes too, obviously. I was shocked to hear that lesbians weren’t just the default state for all women and instead had to face persecution. Gay couples too, even though so many men in my world get together just for sharing a lack of interest in sex, Crazy stuff. Not to say my universe is better! We both still have, like, mutant racism… and regular racism… this is really not the point I should be making.

I mostly just wanted to say that, if you were worried about your universe… things are going fine here.

Photography took a little getting used to. People started commenting that the ‘Spider-Man pictures were different’, I think I was posing too… um, well, too suggestively. Sorry. Modeling is a bit of a habit, but I know the gist of photo taking to get it done. Male modeling isn’t really as much of a niche industry here, but I might start applying to it again soon if there really is no way home… I just kinda enjoy it. Hopefully you can get yourself a nice camera on your end too!

Been trying to keep up friendships as well. I’m so happy that the FF are as amazing here as they are there, and them getting to know I’m from another universe REALLY helps alleviate that awkward tension of multiversal hopping, you know? Probably spent more time in the Baxter Building the last few months than anywhere else.

Your Reed seems as asexual as mine as well. I think I am missing some of that raw male intelligence chats from my universe, but spending time with him is like I never left. Science, tech, his research… it’s all there.

Comparatively, Johnny is really different here. Not like, completely. He’s still a hot head jerk that loves to tease, but wow I wasn’t ready for his lust levels. Having a new woman to take home every few nights, flying them around… smart underneath it all though. We still chat about engineering, and I’ve managed to convince him on a few books to read. Do you know not a lot of men in your world read? So many books to recommend its insane! Anyway, I think Johnny does like the company, especially when I gave in and helped him prank Ben.

Oh, uh, sidenote, Johnny is pissed off at you by the way. Says it’s ‘just the Parker luck to end up in literal hot girl Heaven!’. So, maybe wear some fire proof boxers if you find a way back.

Ben is still great. And Alicia! Oh my god, how has my Ben never found his Alicia?! That’s another point for your world, I tell you. She’s so cool and they’re really cute together. Kids too. And Reed’s kids. So many more kids here! Crazy.

Yeah. Anyway, Ben helped me socialise more with the rest of the heroes. Poker nights where I got to ask around about the world, catch up with different versions of my friends, and even convinced some of them to start a book club! By the way, is it just me or do we have like… crazy similar events that lead to our lives swapping? Like, at least when it comes to the major spandex events. Galactus, Thanos, Civil War, Battleworld, Doc Ock taking our mind… I mean, there’s differences (your Thanos wanted to bone Death?? While mine was just crazy into resource management) but the fact I could still reminisce with other heroes was pretty cool.

By the way, not that you asked, but book club is a sort of rotating cast of various heroes for whoever has time to show up. We’ve had Tony, Doreen, Kamala, Blade, Steve, Bruce, Jean, Sue, Matt, Gwenpool (who kept saying this was a fanfic, whatever that means), Luna, Nat, Logan drunk all the beer once, and Carol. I think Blade is only there for Carol, but I’ll take what I can get. Also got a similar deal with the local supermax, where I get to recommend books for villains. Rhino and Shocker have been really receptive to it, and I really think Mysterio is gonna come around to being a producer again rather than a villain! Having Quentin around would really help my mental.

I keep getting off track, don’t I? Well… I guess it’s still easier for me to talk about the men.

It took a while to get used to this Sue. Not because it was difficult, but because it was so easy. She’s so nice, and calm, and warm… and I just felt so guilty I didn’t have that same relationship with my Sue, you know?

Why did hormones always have to get in the way? Her eyes always drifting to my chest or crotch. She knew who I was and knew that I modelled, and I could kind of tell… she’d masturbated to me. A lot. The guilty look on her face… sometimes she’d peel off midway through a day, I’d be at an FF BBQ and that girl would disappear for a half hour only to reappear with dishevelled hair and a blush whenever she looked at me. I couldn’t blame her. That’s just how girls are on my world. Maybe if I could have just suffered through one time of letting her lick my abs or push my rope into her for a bit of fun then maybe our relationship could have been saved? But maybe it would have ruined it too. She already had a bit of a reputation for turning men’s pants invisible to look at dicks whenever she wanted. Maybe my Sue is just a bit of a perv. She was one of the few who actually had kids, which begged the question of where/how Reed stretched…

Sue isn’t the only woman to talk about… nope, not at all…

…

Mary-Jane is a nice girl.

She really didn’t deserve all this.

I can dance around the subject all I want, but ultimately, she’s one of the biggest victims in all this. You know, other than you… and me I guess.

Telling her who I was was difficult. Telling her there’s a chance the man she loved will never return isn’t an easy conversation. Even if you two weren’t together right now, even if she wept into another man’s arms, I think it still broke her heart a little to know that you were gone.

I never even met her in my world. Don’t know if she even exists. But Johnny told me about her, about what you sacrificed to keep her safe, and I’ll do what I can to continue that legacy. After many tears, I convinced her that I could still be a friend. That I didn’t have to leave her life completely, if she didn’t want me to. I don’t think Paul was that happy with it, but I think hearing I was from a world without boners alleviated that tension.

To think, this all happened because of my ‘reward’ for saving an old woman?

I guess it makes sense. I had started to feel like the world I was from was weighing me down. Not giving me a chance to do more good with where I was. It feels like a brand new day here, with so many more I can help without having to resort to just showing my body off like a show monkey. Even if I liked doing it, the amount of help I can give to those less fortunate here is really enjoyable.

Which, yeah, I guess brings me to May. She’s alive here!

She also figured out I’m not you very quickly. Sharp as a tack, as ever. Explaining it all to her took a lot of work, but I think we’re past the awkward phase now. I’m helping her at FEAST as much as I can. Taking her on day trips, going out shopping with her (whenever a bad guy isn’t interrupting), doing everything you would do in my position I’m sure.

I really did miss May. After she got shot by Kingpin I went insane trying to find anyone that would save her. I even turned to Mephisto, but he said I had nothing to offer him as a deal…

Sorry. It’s not fair I get to basically take your mom as my own. It really sucks, and if the only thing you ever manage to do is send a message back telling me to leave her alone, I will. But I also just want to take care of her as long as I can. She deserves all the love possible, and if the roles were reversed I’d definitely say that I was happy you were taking care of my May.

I’m sorry I got you into the mess. Trapped in a world of sexed up heroes and villains… it has to be tough. Johnny thinks it would be paradise, but Reed worried your hips may give out with too much strain. Ben and Sue believe you can handle it, if that helps. Logan says you’ll be eaten alive as soon as the X-Men find you, so, uh, maybe avoid Krakoa, eh?

Felicia misses you too. I bumped into her, and honestly she was one of the few that reminded me of home. Very touchy feely gal, isn’t she? Get the sense there were tears shed there too once I told her, but she’s been thieving less now too.

I think I’m reaching the limit on audio files, so I guess I should wrap this up.

Good luck out there, Spider-Man. I hope this message finds you well… and if it really is paradise for a guy like you, I truly hope you have fun.

See ya, Photography Peter