‘What the fuck happened?’

You nod – then instantly regret it. There’s a sharp pain in the back of your skull that makes itself heard loudly every time you shift position. ‘Yeah. I’ve been in worse shape. Just… what the fuck happened?’

Emma’s brow creases with concern. ‘I was hoping you could tell us. This woman found your on her way to work a couple hours ago and called an ambulance. Her name’s Laura – she stayed for a bit, she was lovely, but she had to go to work – anyway…’ She takes a deep breath. ‘When the paramedics got there, they found you ****, your wallet and phone missing and a knife kicked into the gutter.’ Her voice goes slightly shaky on the last part. ‘What happened, sweetheart? Did you get mugged?’

‘Yeah.’ You twitch, testing the back of your head experimentally; it’s pounding like a bitch, but the fact that you’re awake and apparently making sense means there’s probably no permanent damage. ‘Thought… there was just the one guy, though. He wanted your phone. I, uh… I didn’t think he should have it.’

Emma inhales sharply. ‘Why on earth didn’t you just let him take my phone?’ she demands, looking shocked. ‘You know I can afford another one! And I’d rather buy a hundred phones than see you end up in hospital!’ She stares at you, genuinely upset.

‘Well…’ you say, shifting uncomfortably. ‘It… you know, it has certain… pictures on it.’

Emma’s mouth forms a sudden ‘oh’ of comprehension.

‘And, well…’ You smile at her ruefully. ‘Don’t want the whole world seeing my favourite thing, do I?’

Emma shakes her head, and takes a breath, visibly trying to calm herself down. ‘Oh, for goodness’ sake… boys. You silly, brave creature!’

You must look a little injured, because she adds, quickly, ‘don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered you… well, defended my honor so vigorously!’ Then she looks down at her phone and clears her throat. ‘But… you know it’s encrypted, right? I’m not a complete tit about security. Can’t afford to be, really…’

Ah.

‘I did not know that,’ you say, blinking. ‘Seriously, though? You couldn’t just be like all those other celebrities and not know your ass from your elbow when it comes to computers? That’d make me look a lot more heroic.’

Emma giggles softly. ‘Sorry. But you’re still my hero.’

She leans over to kiss you lightly, and your head spins in a way that has nothing to do with the beating you just took. ‘Guess the universe was just doing a bit of rebalancing,’ you manage, staring up at her. ‘Fair enough, really. My life has been way too good as of late.’

Emma shakes her head. ‘You must’ve smacked your head harder than I thought.’