―John le Carré

"Why Myaster let her go? Myaster looked like he was enjoying himself," Maera said, a surprisingly devious look coming across her face.

"I really, really can't wait for that house to finish," John grumbled, eyeing the home that was still under construction. A little over half of the translucent blue outline of the house was now filled in with wood, in various pieces - apparently the Build skill was quite expert at turning a bunch of hunks of material into something more usable and stable. Even half-finished it looked a thousand times more expert than anything John could have dreamed of creating on his own.

"Maera could finish?" Maera prodded, coaxing herself up to John. She started to reach for John's waistline, but before she could lay hands upon his pants, John was moving toward the forest that Seras had run off to.

"Not right now, sorry… I have a conversation to finish. I think it just got a lot more complicated, too," John grumbled, stomping his way out toward the distant trees.

He didn't even end up covering half the distance - after only a couple minutes travel, just outside the camp's hearing range and hidden amidst a large patch of tall grasses, John found Seras with a face the shade of the blood still staining her shirt and nursing a wound that had only begun to heal.

"You shouldn't have left, not wounded like that," John mumbled, then realized he was starting off entirely on the wrong foot by lecturing her. "But I can understand why you did. I'm, uh, I'm really sorry."

"Not your fault," Seras said, barely avoiding a stutter as she refused to look him in the eye. "You didn't know the bloody Barrier was gonna come crashin' down around us."

"N-no," John chuckled, "I meant for the whole thing. Whatever this thing that woman put in me is, it messed with me - made me a lot stronger, but a lot less intelligent; I didn't really think much about what I was doing. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"Oh, um… I guess I was a little out of it too, but… you didn't want to do any of that?" Seras asked, her face falling together in disappointment she couldn't hide.

"Wh-what?! No, no it's not that I didn't, I just wasn't expecting it - kinda came out of nowhere, you know? I was so worried about you when I saw you get hurt, and that is not how I normally express concern. It was really nice though. You're… you're beautiful, Seras. And brave. And amazing, honestly."

"…Then why can't I fight with you?"

"It's not-" John cut himself off with a sigh as they came back to the issue that had started everything. Really, what it had been about from the beginning. "I don't mind you fighting with me, really I'd love to have you there. As long as you understand that the Order are going to be suspicious of you and that there are some I wouldn’t trust not to wish ill upon you, I won't stop you. That's your decision to make."

"Then what was all that fuss about?" Seras asked, shaking her head in sudden, genuine confusion.

"It's the way you said it," John finally admitted with a sigh. "Before, when I asked what you wanted to do, you said that you had no idea, and all you said was that working with me felt right. I wasn't expecting you to say that you were doing it because I was the only thing you cared about. It caught me off-guard when you told me that you couldn't live without me, I've… I've never had anyone rely on me like that. Never really been that close to anyone."

Seras smiled, walking forward and despite her obvious blush, placing her hands on John's shoulders as she spoke. "Master, you brought me into this world - you literally gave me life, when whatever memories I have are about a fake world. I was sad about that for a long time… but the more I thought about it, the more I realize even if I never knew what I was, it'd have been the same thing. I just got turned; can't really go about meetin' the family after that. So it's not like you did anything to 'urt me."

Seras trailed off for a moment, glancing around and removing her arms from John as she took a step back, angling herself to the side.

"I was scared a lot when I realized that anything I experience could be fake, but you make me feel more real than anyone else. You're my anchor in all this, the thing 'oldin' me together when things get rough. You treat me like a human being, even though I wasn't real a few days ago and even though I'm a bloody biter."

"That's one way of putting it," John said, actually laughing a bit at the appropriate choice of words. "I just… Seras, I told you before that in a lot of ways I was like you, that I was new to this magical world, and that I was learning a lot of the same things. When we talked in the forest last time and you told me your sorrows, I even mentioned that I had been thrown into the magical world the same way you were thrown into mine. Truth is, though, even before my abilities I never really fit in.

"I've never had many friends. I had one decent friend in high school, and as soon as we both graduated, he cut contact completely. I was always pretty much alone, even when I was normal. Honestly, with Moira being as aggressive as she has been off-and-on since I met her, Tricia being completely emotionless when she isn't crying her eyes out, the Nekos being more feral than civilized, and Lunaya kind of hating me from the get-go… it's been a bit rough in the social department. Even the Order Knights are a little uneasy around me. In all honesty, you've been closer to me than anyone else in my life, even if I've only known you for a week. I just didn't expect you to feel the same way. I knew I was the person you relied on, but you did have a life before this."

"And you've 'elped me find a new one," Seras practically whispered. She turned back to John and reached out, resting a hand on his cheek. John felt the soft touch of her velvety gloves for a moment, enjoying the caress.

Then they were upon each other, lips locked. It wasn't their first kiss, but to them, it felt like it was the first honest one. No pressure, no anxiety, no depression or bloodlust fueling the need for a confirmation of self and each other. Two people, pressing against one another simply to feel the other and know that they were not alone in facing the trials of this insane world. John felt Seras' exquisitely soft lips slide against his, even through the intense pressure between them, and relished in every taste that her skin left upon him. Her strong and pointed tongue danced against his for an instant, and as he pressed back against it for just a moment, he felt the jagged and razor-sharp points of her teeth glide against his intruding muscle, sending chills down his spine.

When they parted, it was hesitantly and without shyness. Seras licked her lips slowly, as if without thinking, and John could see the joy that his taste had brought her. Neither looked away, despite the flush to both of their faces.

"I've- I've never really done the whole 'relationship' thing," John confessed, shyly glancing away for an instant before returning to those deep blue pools.

"Me neither," Seras mumbled, scratching at her ragged blonde hair.

"So… what are we? Because I really - really - want this. I know we kind of shot the mood back there, but…"

"M-maybe we're not really gonna identify with anythin' normal," Seras admitted, shrugging her shoulders helplessly. "We ain't exactly the spittin' image of anythin' normal."

"Yeah, okay, so then we just figure it out… together?" John added the last word hopefully and was delighted to see Seras light up, nodding furiously at the suggestion.

"Jus' like everythin' else!"

"Damn right," John laughed, coming at Seras with his arms wide. The vampiress embraced him, her strength still great enough to nearly drive the air from John as she wrapped him in a massive hug. The warmth of her body was something he'd felt many times before.

But it had never felt so honest. So right.

Despite the relative ease they had cleared the dungeon with, John opted to not try any more level 4 dungeons. He'd actually received a fair amount of Minotaur Meat as his clear reward, so despite the lack of leather, he was excited to have managed to fulfill his obligation to his creations even in the middle of a pretty severe emotional crisis.

Minotaur Meat - Meat carved directly from the flesh of a Minotaur. Try not to think about whether you're eating meat that came from the human half or the bull half… especially since it's both.

Ignoring the ethics of feeding his creations something like that, John dumped them in the chest and set to work in the forest for an hour or so, restoring the camp's firewood stores. Thankfully with his Harvest ability it was easy. The ability even let him break down the wood he harvested into smaller pieces so that it would make for better kindling and firewood instead of massive blocks that would only be good for throwing on an already-burning fire.

After that, he finally started to fulfill his promise to Lunaya to teach her how to read and write. He really wasn't sure where to begin, so he started with the alphabet, carving letters into the dirt and teaching her their names and how to pronounce them. When that was finished he started a few basic words, which seemed to go well since she already understood spoken language. He really had no idea where to start with someone that was functional but illiterate, but Lunaya was extremely intelligent, and despite her lack of vocalization, she didn't hesitate to stop John when she needed to. Actually figuring out what her question was, though, was another matter…

The last forty-five minutes of his cooldown was mostly spent with the Nekos, petting them and generally rewarding them for their patience. John could see the mischief in their eyes as the boredom from being ignored so long overcame their restraint and politeness. Even Mithra got in on the reward scratches - she had almost never done so before, but between that and the speaking, John was starting to suspect she had finally begun warming up to him. For what reason he wasn't yet entirely sure.

He'd hoped to spend more time with Seras, but she seemed quite content now that all had been dealt with. She tended the fire, fetched more wood, and even inspected the house's progress and generally kept a good eye on the campsite, all while smiling and patiently awaiting John's freedom. It finally came as his cooldown finished, and he extricated himself from the Nekos' grips, standing up and stretching his underutilized muscles.

"Alright, we have to get back," John noted, shaking his head. "Tricia might be free by now, and I want to talk to her anyway."

"About what happened at the lab?" Seras asked, stepping close to John to make sure she was in range. Similarly, although unhappy about having their human pillow removed, the Nekos grudgingly stepped away and settled themselves against each other.

"Sort of," John admitted, "I need to set something right. Something I caused, directly or indirectly."

"Ah, John, you're here. Good, Moira asked me to see to your inspection as quickly as possible."

"Yeah, I figured you'd be set up pretty quickly," John noted, glancing around the room. What must have been a meager storage room only a day or two prior had more or less become a fully functional laboratory, with all of Tricia's surviving equipment stored in various places and most of it up and running. As John glanced over to a shelf and saw a familiar otherworldly shell, he smiled and his heart lifted just a tiny bit.

"You even saved the egg!"

"Indeed, it was fortunately very far from the entryway," Tricia noted absently, "so it managed to avoid any shrapnel. It's nothing short of a miracle that it managed to survive. I calculate its chances at avoiding a lethal impact after all that occurred at less than three-point-two-"

"Tricia, are you okay?" John asked, suddenly worried. He'd heard something in her voice - something missing. Even when she was fully under control before, any mention of John's unnatural and otherworldly abilities and her chances to study them had generated at least some measure of excitement. Even his Dungeon Barriers and the items they spawned were enough to get her going, despite the fact that the items themselves were relatively mundane.

Now all John could hear were facts, figures, and a complete disinterest in… anything. Tricia was certainly hard to read, but when it came to her studies, she'd never sounded this inhuman before. She'd even abandoned the pretense of normal clothing - now all she wore was her skintight suit, clinging to every curve she had. Were she not acting so robotic, her soft curves and lithe body would've been a sight that could've tightened John's own clothing quite noticeably as well.

"I assume you are referring to my current state of repression," Tricia noted with a sigh, her first real break in character. "As I told you when last we met, this move has been… more than a little difficult for me. I am also not in a proper state of mind to control myself as I normally do. As such, my suit was not entirely capable of handling the mood swings that have resulted from this drastic change in my future. I requisitioned several of the crystals Moira mentioned the Cabal had taken from one of the Order's safehouses. They have made many of them, as it turns out, and there were an abundant supply for me to take advantage of here. I have collected a variety to channel my most… disruptive emotions into when the suit fails."

Tricia held out her arm and revealed what looked a bit like a charm bracelet, only with a dozen or so gemstones embedded instead of trinkets and cool miniatures. John saw at least six that were faintly glowing, with one practically glistening even under the bright lights of the laboratory.

"So… you've been repressing yourself even more than normal."

"It's a necessary process," Tricia noted without concern. "After all, you have seen what happens when I do not restrain my abilities, yes? Though a secondary eye opening has given me some hope, I will need time to determine if there has been any notable increase in my ability to process and handle emotions without losing control of myself. To assume that I am maturing at last would be foolhardy, especially in such trying times. This was… a fate I had hoped to avoid, to say the least. If I were to lose control now, I am certain the Order would have **** but to put me down."

John knew he was imagining it, but he swore her lip trembled a little, despite all her control. Throughout her speech she continued to work on one of her drones, securing a new thruster on its side, as if John were not even there. In a way, as if Tricia were not even there. John's heart ached a little, and with a moment of hesitation, he reached forward to put his hand on her shoulder.

"Tricia… I'm sorry. Truly, I am. I didn't mean for-"

"It isn't your fault, John Newman," Tricia noted before he could even finish his sentence, shaking his hand off. "You did not know what you were risking by coming to my home without aid. I do not blame you - I do not blame anyone, now. There is no sense in risking my safety and sanity over what has already happened. I am here now. I must learn to accept that as fact."

One of her gemstones glistened, just a little. John cast Observe out of a morbid curiosity.

Bracelet of Apathy - A piece of jewelry crafted from several Siphon Crystals attuned to absorb different emotions from the wearer. Capable of rendering its wielder unfeeling to all but the most psychologically scarring events, given that it retains enough capacity. Emotions stored can be unleashed by a mage skilled in mental magic as a physical or mental manifestation.
Durability: 67 / 100

"What if… what if you didn't have to accept it?"

"Then by not accepting my fate I would break down, become a monstrosity, and either slay the Order or be slain in turn. What purpose does this questioning serve, John Newman?"

"I… you don't want to be here because you hate Moira, right? It wasn't about the house, it was just about being independent?"

"Those are factual statements of the things I informed you of previously, yes," Tricia noted dully, her eyes never leaving the drone as she finished her work. It hovered in the air, spinning around and demonstrating the functionality of its newly installed thruster and stabilizing unit.

"You could come with me. Next time I World Shift, you could go there with me… and stay there."

Tricia paused, staring at her workbench although the drone she had been working on finally flew off and went to work assembling her new laboratory with the rest of them. She didn't say anything, didn't react directly at all, but John could see the knuckles of her fingers slowly whitening as she tightened her grip on the countertop.

"I want you to come with me," John insisted, filling the silence that had fallen between them. "You hate being here. It's ruining you, and it's not good for your mental health. Most of your problems have come when being assaulted, you even said the reason you're so unstable is because you've been exposed to so many terrible things here. Come with me… you don't even know if there is another way to reach my world. You'll be safe there."

"And what would you ask of me for this?" Tricia asked, turning her head. Her eyes were dead, lips not curling in joy or twisting in anger at this offer. She had surrendered, and it hurt John to see the unmoving lines of her face. "What contract would you have me sign? What would you ask me to do in exchange? I cannot fight without risking your life and others'. I can heal, but any severe wounds jeopardize my state of mind if they remind me of some terrible atrocity I have witnessed before. I can help you research your abilities, but there are others as talented as I am. What worth can I offer to ensure you will not simply abandon me to my fate when you finish with whatever purpose you have in mind? My body has never been touched, John Newman, I would prefer not to offer it up simply for-"

"Okay, okay," John grimaced, holding up his hands. "You are way too practical. I don't want your body, and I don't- okay, I do really want your help with my abilities. You're some kind of genius, according to Moira, and with the way you evaluated everything I did, I believe you, even if you didn't really get the chance to process a lot of the data, but… I just want to help you, Tricia. I have done a really, really shitty job of planning out my path in this world because I have no idea what I'm doing, I'll admit that. All I really want to do is make somewhere safe for my creations, for the Nekos and Lunaya and Seras alike.

"But there's no way in hell that I can just sit by and watch someone like you suffer like this, especially when I have a way out for you. I know you barely know me, but you said the only reason you're here is because you have no other choice. You said that the Order makes you uncomfortable and that you hate Moira. If that's the case, then I have to at least offer you the choice to come. The Cabal can't reach you there - neither can Moira. I'm the gatekeeper, the only person with a key to a lock that you still haven't figured out a way to open. Maybe nobody can! It's the safest place I can think of, the only one in the world where you wouldn't have to constantly build these drones to defend yourself or hide who you really are. I don't want anything from you that you aren't already giving, Tricia. I don't want a Gorbachev… I could use a friend, though."

Tricia stumbled back, one of her hands landing on the rim of the table to catch herself. The bracelet on her wrist shone so brightly it actually illuminated the area around her a little, and although John could see little of it on her face, for an instant her voice choked up as she spoke.

"When Moira mentioned you to me at first, she told me to believe everything you said but to verify it all. She said you were too innocent, too pure for the Abyss to lie. I thought she merely meant your naivety, that lack of forethought that all late blooming mages have, because you have not grown up in a world of war and conflict…"

Tricia smiled then, finally breaking her stoic mask. A single tear rolled down her cheek and was wiped away without thought as she steadied herself and regained her footing on the floor.

"But now I think I see a little more of what she meant. I wish I could trust you fully, John Newman, but I hope you can understand my healthy skepticism of any offer of such generosity. More importantly, should I agree, as you state… you are the only key, in or out. I would be your prisoner as much as your guest. Give me time to consider this offer, in all its possibilities."

"Of course… this isn't an ultimatum," John agreed, shrugging his shoulders. "It's a standing offer."

"And just knowing that," Tricia breathed, her chest quivering a moment as she steadied herself, the flutters of her ribcage extremely evident in her bodysuit, "has given me more hope than anyone else has offered since I was a child. Having a chance to decide my own fate is something I have struggled to find for years. Thank you, John Newman. From the bottom of my unfeeling heart, thank you."