«✵｢Lustyre｣✵», by LittleYeezus

“♥ Practically The Best Hentai Story To Fuck & Breed Sexy Monster Girls ♥“

„Wow, bit of pretentious fucker we got this time around, eh Marcie?“

„I concur, we have read many monster girl stories on here already. Some of them weren't even garbage.“

“Eh, debatable, let's see there was the dragon/deer fucker, that unfinished mess with the catgirl. One of them was from fucking unkown7, so of course it's ass.”

“Do those even count as Monster girl stories?”

„Ok, then what about the one with the King? That one had a shark. Or the little shit who got turned into a pet. Does that one count? Uhh...Oh, Bringer of Light definitely had monster girls.”

„The only good thing from that waste. Are you quite finished?”

„All I'm saying this isn't exactly a high bar to clear.“

“What about the one with the slimegirl?”

“Oh fuck me! Yeah, no way this one's better. That one had a slime getting eating by a snake and then it orgasmed while splattered against the wall! Can't we read that one instead?”

„No dice. Let's see what we are working with. The first chapter...oh wow, that is a lot of fonts.”

„Holy shit, the author needs to stop sucking his own dick so hard. This sounds like an advertisement for one of those nerd online things.”

“You mean an MMORPG?”

“Yeah sure, whatever you say, nerd.”

“Well this is a a game type story, so it's not that far off.”

“Feels like fucking forever since we had a story with actual choices. I'm taking this one!”

“Knock yourself out.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Holy, fucking shit, I am alive.”

“Was a bit long, true.”

“Maaarcie, you fucking bitch...argh...this was literally the longest shit ever...”

“Gross.”

“You know what I mean!”

“And besides it's only the second longest. “King Edward still reigns supreme on the chapter front. Although with how long these chapters are. It's hard to say for sure, but I think it eclipses “Bringer of Light” in word count.”

“It eclipses it in something alright. Let's just get this over with, before I keel over.”

“Yes, but before we start this review proper, I have to address something.”

“Oh, fucking great! Two pages in and we haven't even started yet. This is one of those.”

“Before we started Lustyre, the author actually contacted us and suggested we only read up til the end of Act 1. Of course we declined.”

“No, you declined! I would have been perfectly fine with just reading Act 1. Overjoyed even!”

“What I'm getting at. Since we read what was essentially a 400+ page long novel in a couple of days, you might think our sound judgment was impaired by that. A reasonable assumption, but unfounded. For you see the events that happen in Act 1 of Lustyre are in essence the same as in Act 5, which are...”

“FUCK ALL!”

“Quite so. Based on the first chapter, you would infer this to be the story of a grand adventure, featuring a hero traveling the land. Unfortunately, however that hero starts out on Tutorial Island doing sidequests and still remains on Tutorial Island doing sidequests a 100+ chapter later.”

“This is supposed to be the prologue. A 100+ chapter long prologue. You can't make this shit up.”

“Long term listeners might remember how we complained about the abundance of slice of life scenes in “Bringer of light”. This entire read was nothing but slice of life scenes.”

“And sex, multi-chapter long sex scenes.”

“That said, we will at least attempt to summarize the plot, as meager as it may be. Gina?”

“Goblins attack.”

“uh...”

“This is the only mildly fucking interesting thing that happens. Goblin attack the fucking village and Finn and his fucking friends fight them off. Also there is a giant fucking crab.”

“The crab was pretty cool. Unfortunately she doesn't get mentioned again after Act 1.”

“This is how low our standards are in regards to the plot. We just want the giant crab back.”

“Gina is exaggerating, but not by much. The vast majority of this story is indeed spend with the main character Finn either doing chores or having sex with various monster girls. Most often the chores directly lead into him having sex.”

“Finn is an entitled piece of shit.”

“Hm, yes the main protagonist. He is a weird one. Everyone in the village loves him and tells him how awesome and great he is all the time. Despite that, he is written as very shy and nervous, but not in a humble kind off way. More like, I want that cookie but I don't want to ask, but I really want that cookie, so I just steal it. And then later everyone would praise him for how bold he was to steal the cookie.”

“Replace cookie with girl and you have the plot of this.”

“Yes, early in the story Finn notices that he is in love with two girls and can't decide. Luckily the two girls are totally understandable. Of course they are fine with him fucking other women, why wouldn't they? And if he wants to add more girls into his harem. That's totally fine as well.”

“You know Marcie. As much as I loathe the idea of defending this story. You are the last person who gets to complain about polygamy.”

“I beg to differ. Cutie is male, you are female. Completely different thing.”

“No, it's not!”

“If we where to ask our listeners if they are ok with their girlfriend having sex with another girl, every single one of them would answer. “Fuck yeah, that's hot as fuck.”

“Yeah sure, but our readers don't have girlfriends in the first place.”

“Point taken. Ok, enough of this tangent. The fact is, Finn is kind of a weird guy. I actually have a line from him that sums his character up perfectly.”

---

"Yea, you too... take care and I hope you have a happy life with our baby"

---

“Haha, holy shit. That gets me every time.”

“You might be thinking the context would make that line less horrible, but nope. It makes it worse.”

“Ok, I take this one. So there is this cowgirl, Milky, that lives alone outside the village and is responsible for the milk production. She is enclosed inside a fence and the only interaction with the villagers she gets is when they milk her. The story happily points out how lonely Milky is all the time.”

“Now, to be clear, this is a completely sentient creature of intelligence comparable to a human. There are also pictures of her and no matter how you slice it, this is just a human in a cow bikini with somewhat large breasts.”

“So Milky is all lonely and shit because she lives outside the village. Shit sucks. Geez whiz, if only there was a simple and obvious solution for this problem!”

“It's baffling. There are plenty of Monstergirls in the village, but Milky is the only one that gets treated like cattle. There is even a line in there where Finn assures the reader that he never actually considered eating Milky.”

“Hey, Readers. Make sure to tell your friends that you never considered them. I'm sure they will appreciate the confirmation.”

“To be fair, around 100 Chapters later, there is indeed a small throwaway line that kinda explains why Milky can't take part in any kind of social activity. But it's such a flimsy explanation that all the villagers just come across as huge assholes.”

“There is a giant crab supposedly living in the village. If a giant crab can live in the village, so can a cowgirl!”

“But yes, based on that earlier line, you can pretty much guess where this is going. Or if you are of the slower sort, Milky simply needs to get a baby, so she will no longer feel lonely.”

“Our hero Finn happily helps her with that. Milky also makes sure to tell him that he won't have to take care of the baby.”

“This is a bit of a running theme. Finn having some moral quandaries about his behavior, but all his friends enabling and assuring him that it's not a big deal. It is a great way of absolving him of any responsibility.”

“Like at one point he literally fucking rapes a girl, but he is so good at it that the girl forgives him.”

“It is kinda funny by how tone deaf it all is. With a few tweaks it could work as a parody.”

“A LOT of tweaks.”

“Seriously, it almost feels like, and I really don't want to give any offense with that...”

“Hah, good one.”

“Finn is autistic.”

“Yeah sure, why not?”

“I'm serious here. The story goes to great lengths telling us how nervous Finn is all the time. He overthinks and worries about everything. And then you have concerning stuff like him killing crabs well beyond the amount of what they need for dinner, just because he finds killing them fun. And yet everyone is so accommodating, to a completely absurd level, as if disagreeing and not providing an easy solution would result in Finn having an episode. I'm not saying Finn is badly written. I actually think it is a fairly accurate portrayal of autism. But I don't think that is what the author was going for.”

“Finn is an autistic fuck. Noted. Moving on, at around 100 Chapters in some new Monster girls arrive on the island and ask Finn to become a hero, because he is the chosen one.”

“Of course he is.”

“You think plot is finally starting to move? Wrong! Finn still dicks around the village doing the same shit he has done for the last 100 chapters, while “contemplating” if he should accept the offer. And by contemplating I mean fucking his girls. In the latest chapter he finally resolves himself to leave the island. That's chapter 132. So I'm guessing we have another 50 chapters of packing stuff to look forward to.”

“Yes, the plot, if you even can call it that, creeps along at such a glacial pace that it's impossible to build up any tension or interest. Sex scenes can only get you so far. After a certain point you need to have an engaging plot to keep readers interested.”

“The demon fucker had a fuck pretty much every chapter and the sissy fuck lives in a world of sex and these two stories still managed to get a plot going.”

“Gina is referring to “King Edward” and “A Sissy in the 22nd Century“ in case anyone is curious.“

„There is a sharkgirl and a slimegirl in this. And it does nothing for me, Marcie. Nothing!”

„But beyond the pacing, there is one other issue that is absolutely devastating.”

“TOO MANY FUCKING WORDS!”

“Yes, there is no easy way to say it. This story is way too verbose. Every single spoken line of dialogue is accompanied by just as many lines of telling us exactly how the characters feels at this moment.”

“Show us the goods, Marcie.”

“Alright, here is an example.”

---

"Oh okay... yes, I think I get it... keep talking..." - Faranne said, with a curious smile, as he wanted Finn to continue narrating.

---

“What is the point of the narration? Yes, of course Faranne wants Finn to continue narrating. The dialog already infers that. We do not need to have this information twice.”

“Fuck this, you are too nice, let's look at this monstrosity:”

---

"What?? No- I mean, kinda-... WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?? JUST TEACH ME SOMETHING ALREADY!!" - Finn shouted, to express his discontent to Erys, as he did not like at all the way she teased him, and how sexual her jokes were. It was similar to Adeline, but he didn't mind much with his android friend, since it felt like she was just being innocent, and didn't know where to draw the line, but with Erys, it was clear she knew what she was doing, and she just did it to mess with Finn, who definitely didn't appreciate it, and even hated it. But even after Finn's explosive response, Erys just laughed at him, and brushed it off, to continue talking, like nothing, although not joking anymore, because she knew it wasn't a good idea.

---

“What even is all of this? Does the reader need to know any of this? Does it in any way contribute to the scene?”

“No Marcie, no I don't think so.”

“Isolated like that it might not seem too bad. But now imagine reading this story and it's just wall after wall of these paragraphs. Half of it is information that is of no value whatsoever to the reader. And that is conservative.”

“132 fucking chapters of this.”

“I usually don't consider likes indicative of quality, but the story they tell here is truly emblematic of the issue. From a first chapter that has over a 100 likes, there is a steady, slow decline to likes in the very low single digits.”

“Yep, also if we don't cut this short, this will be our longest review ever, you know irony and shit.”

“Ah, yes. Author, basically you have to be way more selective with the information you want to convey to your readers. If you can portray something in fewer words, do it. And always ask yourself if the reader will benefit from this information. Never add text just for the sake of it.”

“Yeah, yeah, what the hell is this, writing advice for nerds? TLDR, story sucks! Now piss off!”