[SIDE STORY] Light and Shadow - Memories of Paw

[Hello everybody. Since yesterdays chapter was not so well recieved, I have helped the author of todays chapter out a bit more. So this is a collaboration between me and Pann for your entertainment.

However, everyone is hereby warned. This is by far the most depressing chapter in my branch, so if you are feeling suicidal or are having depressions, you should not read it. For everyone else, please... enjoy... the memories of Paw]

Sunday, church day, no one home, everybody unavailable, engaged in a divine task. Every week it was the same thing, wake up, wash up, dress up, get in the car, and go to the Mass; all of which followed by a big family breakfast in His name.

“All right everyone, let’s go or we’ll be late!” The middle aged man announced to the household, waiting at the door, eager to depart.

“Coming!” Came two out of the three expected voices’ response, with no answer at all from the last.

“Come on young lady or we’ll be late! And we can’t be late to the Mass now can we?” Bellowed the man a bit impatiently, as the owners of the precedent confirmation were now both waiting with him.

“All right, all right! I’m coming! Can’t be improper in front of the Lord either now can we?” Came the reply of his daughter, not without a bit of sass, as he noted.

“Now, now you two, it’s not the time for your usual banter, or we will really be late this time.” Countered the mother, diffusing the anticipated word battle that would have surely ensued between the two family members. “Fine, fine. Let’s go then.” “Sure thing, daddy.” Settled the pair.

“In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.” And so began the Eucharist, a familiar constant, raising the morale of the congregation, bringing them closer to the Christ and his sacrifice. “Ite, missa est” “Thanks be to God.” Thus the rites came to an end. Families and friends filing out of the church in harmony, chattering and greeting each other.

“Yawn! Finally! I was starting to get cramped in there!” Uttered a young girl’s voice, while said young girl was visibly stretching to the pleasure of her stiff muscles.

“And here I thought you didn’t want to seem improper in front of the Lord.” Quipped her father from behind her. “Yes and the Mass is over now, is it not?” She retorted back, leaving her father sighing.

Of course, those days of fun, witty, and sassy conversations were bound to come to an end, abruptly at that, mere weeks after her 18th birthday.

She was simply walking back home when it happened. As she strode along on her way, some young man came to her. “Excuse me, but I’m a bit lost. Would you mind terribly if I borrowed some of your time?” “Of course not!” Being the good, devoted person that she was, offering her help to a lost lamb seemed simply normal to her. “Right, thank you very much! But first, if you wouldn’t mind, I dropped my phone back there when I saw you and came rushing for your help before you were gone.” He adds, pointing to a darker, unlit part of the street walk, a bit covered by some store’s signboard. Without waiting for an answer he walked back there, the girl on his toes, unconcerned about the danger. The next thing she knew, she’s face first on the ground, the man on her back not comprehending what is going on, until he rips her pants, making her scream with horror as realization dawned on her.

“AAAAAHHHH-MMMMPPPFFFF!!!!”

“Sssshhhhh. It’s alright little girl.” Interrupting her by means of his hand gagging her. “Everything’s going to be fine, we’re just gonna have some fun together.” All the while he was unzipping his own trousers. “There, there. Stop struggling and you’ll see how good it can feel yourself. Maybe.” And with that last word he sunk himself completely inside her, ripping her maidenhood at the same time.

“Oooh! A virgin are you? Well not anymore, but… hey! I’m not complaining! I don’t think I’ve even had a virgin before. Aren’t you glad? You made me experience something new with your own body! You should be proud! Being able to give… someone… this kind of fresh… experience… while still being so young! It’s a mark! Of! True! Devotion! Gha!” The feeling of her tight unexperienced pussy being too much for him, he was hard-pressed for breaths by the end. Thrusting harder and harder, he finally came inside her as he was exclaiming his last words. Each word transferring itself as a spurt of his semen, coating her insides, defiling her, making her his broken doll. By the end of his rump, she was no more than a lifeless mass of tears and sperm, sobbing and dripping of this man, who, not even an hour prior, she never even saw before.

“Oh, oh, oh! Such a pleasant form you have right now! It’s making me hard all over again! But I think I’ll need you to clean me beforehand.” He said as he unceremoniously puts is dick in her mouth, uncaring for her, and her too lethargic to refuse him and do anything except gagging on the mass of flesh between her lips. “Right! Now that that’s done. Let’s begin our fun anew. Though, seeing as I now had my fun with two of your holes, why don’t I acquaint myself with your last one?”

“Wh-what?!?” The man having finally pierced her spiritless veil. “Oh, oh! Back for more then are we? I am truly happy that you can now fully experience this new form of my love toward you.” And without any more preamble, he stabbed her with even more **** than before, completely spoiling all of her chastity. Too lost in the moment to care anymore, and letting her voice all her pain.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! PLEASE! STOOOP!!!” “Hahahahahahaha!! YES!!! That’s it! Show me how much you appreciate my kindness in making you a woman! MY WOMAN!!!” Unfortunately, for him that is, all the ruckus had made it quite clear to anyone passing by what was going on, and someone was passing by. Which he became aware of as a bullet went through his head. Splashing his victim’s back below him with his blood.

“This is our street! Punk!” Came a rough masculine voice from behind them.

As she turned herself around to see who it was, all she saw was horror. A black man with a gun, clearly belonging to a gang. Sure that all awaiting her was a life of being passed around by some gang fellows, she ran. Not bothering with the penis still embedded in her asshole, not bothering with the sperm that permeated her, not bothering with her state of undress, not bothering about the gun waving boy at her rear, not bothering about anything. She ran. As fast as she could. Not stopping until she recognized where she was, not stopping until she was on her way home, not stopping until she was near her house, not stopping to the alarm in her parents as they saw her state, not stopping until she was in her room. Safe, at last, from this whole world. This world of pain and misery, so full of sorrow and even more pain. Cradling herself in her bed, under her cover until, finally, she slept.

Yet even sleep wasn’t safe anymore. Her dreams full of **** and **** and ****. Waking up screaming. And all the while, her parents could only bang at her door, pleading for her to unlock it and talk to them.

“It’s been 3 days now that you’re locked in there. Not washing, not eating, and definitely not sleeping properly. Open up please.” Not receiving any answer, the father left a plate on the floor and, continuing in his anguished tone, “I left some food for you by the door, if you ever decide to take it Laura.” Going back downstairs with heavy steps.

After a couple of weeks like that, Laura finally came out of her room to the pleasure of her folks, yet still not saying a word. She was, however, staying in her room the rest of the time. She decided to get back to photography, a hobby she always found relaxing. But, she wasn’t photographing the same things. She was photographing herself, but not in the benign way she used to, now she was photographing herself nude, with more and more perverted objects, yet always the same theme, with her in a submissive pose.

"I was bad, so I deserve to be ****"

"I was bad, so I deserve to be ****"

"I was bad, so I deserve to be ****"

"I was bad, so I deserve to be ****"

"I was bad, so I deserve to be ****"

[…]

She also photographed pieces of paper and notebook sheets full of the same lines over and over again.

After a couple more months like that, she eventually went out. But her attitude was still the same as ever. Gone was the joyous churchgoer, word jabbing playfully with her father. Now she was more and more rebellious, even punk, some might say. Finding herself more and more pierced as time went by, even tainting her hair a purple color. She ultimately ended up with a group of other punks, calling themselves anarchist and whatnot, and Laura became Paw. So used to her new personality, she was also somewhat submissive to her new group of friends. Even giving some blowjobs from time to time, just because.

It had been some time since the incident now. She was still with the gang, doing whatever they wanted simply because they could. Yet today was different, because today she met someone new. Someone who took her, someone she never met before, a bit like last time, but he was gentler. He said his name was John. Of course the others decided to re-baptise him, like they did with her, and now he was Duun, one of them.

She didn’t mind him. He was someone who took what he wanted and he wanted a broken thing like her. So she made herself his. Inviting him to take her right there when they were finally alone together, which he obliged. Good, she wasn’t useless to everyone; it was a good feeling to be somewhat useful. But he was a bit smaller than what she was used to, which apparently, he was also a bit self-conscious about. That was something new to her, all her background followed the basis, Sex is good if it hurts you most. She hadn’t expected that he felt small and didn’t hurt at all. How should she react when he didn’t make her scream? When he didn’t **** her? Should she fake it and cry out anyways?

Even worse, he wanted her to feel good about it, saying so after he had prematurely finished. Wanting to have been able to make her orgasm as well. Well, if that’s what he wanted, she had to obey, even if it would be fake. It wasn’t about her pleasure, it was about being useful. Though that still wasn’t what he wanted… was she a bad girl? Would he leave her alone once again? Surely he wouldn’t, she had done as he said, right? There was no point in hurting her like that. Or that’s what she thought until, just after their moment, he went and kissed the first girl he saw. Sure it had been the same with her, but now she was his! She should have been the one being kissed! She wanted to be kissed... but obviously she truly was useless. After all, who could like to use such a badly broken toy, when there was no use in having one?

Those were her thoughts as she left the cabin to wait for the anarchists in the last one, only to have him follow her afterwards like nothing happened. What was she supposed to do now? Maybe he was there to give her another chance. No, she already had her chance and she failed. He was merely there to make fun of her. How rude, she became mad at him, all this spite towards her. Indubitably, she criticized him for it, yet he was still playing the fool. Like he didn’t know what he did! After some more heated words, he left, bumping into her as well to make his point.

Later on, as she came back home, she went back to her room. It was a bad idea going out. This was her safe place. This was where she belonged. Home and alone. Why did people seem so keen at the idea of sending her out? Why couldn’t they let her lie here, alone, forever? A day had passed as she was starting to gather her thoughts. Duun had purely lost interest in her. She had not done anything wrong, rather she did everything. She must have not held on to him enough. That’s it! The way to feel was through control; if only she had control, she could have kept him, she could stop from hurting, she could have stopped what happened. But she didn’t, and she hadn’t.

Suddenly, after a knock at the door, someone barged in. It was him! Why would he even come here? Perhaps she was a good girl and she hadn’t disappointed him… No! Those thoughts were wrong. She had to take control, something, anything. Before she could come up with an answer, Duun lunged at her. Grabbing her in his arms, placing himself comfortably behind her, hugging her to him, petting her private parts. Then she couldn’t control that. That’s alright; he was controlling it just fine. Making her feel good even, she wasn’t used to feeling good, it was weird.

What could she control in that case? Of course, it dawned on her, he controlled her. All she had to do was making sure he kept at it! She would control him. **** him to use her, to make her feel good, to need her. That is why he ran away yesterday, why he kissed that girl; because he cheated on her control! She needed to control him, control anything, anything at all… Why else would she be alive?

He was now telling her to relax, just like that man did all those months ago, that he just wanted to talk, yet he was continuing to feel her up. But he did talk to her, so it was fine. That’s when she realized, that he couldn’t know her new decision. Her new control. But he would accept it. Of course he would, everyone would. He accepted her, so he had to accept her life... her control. But first, she would have to explain it to him. Explaining what she wanted, what she demanded, what she controlled now; before she was allowed to demonstrate her control, though, she was tasked to undress and mount him. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if he was fucking her, fondling her or even **** her, as long as he left her the control she had. But he didn’t. He still wanted more. He was not satisfied even after being offered everything of her. The girl who would literally do anything for him, and she was still not giving him enough! For the first time in forever, she was becoming mad, and he got to feel it.

Finally he accepted her, needed her. He seemed to understand her freedom. He was looking for the same. She could feel it. He pretended it to be a game, but just like she wanted to control him to be hers, he wanted to control her to be his. So his game was for her to obey him. Of course she would. What a silly game. Of course he was horrible about it, but she was being tested here. And needed. No one else would play this game with him. No one else was here. He chose her. Only her. So how could she not enjoy it?

But as he grew more and more horrific, a fear grew inside her head. What if he didn’t understand? What if he only wanted to use her, but didn’t truly accept her control. What if he was not needing her... but only using her instead? She had to test it. Test to deny him something. Show herself that he would respect her wishes. Show herself that she was in control. That she was alive.

But that was when it all broke down. He just began laughing maniacally, to her utter confusion, before ordering her to do something completely out of context. Had he not listened to her request? Or was he crazy? Oh the poor boy, she would care for him. She would visit him every day in the hospital... wait... what was her body doing? It obeyed his crazy request. She didn’t want this... she couldn’t stop this. Her body was acting on her own! She had lost… lost her control.

Eventually, he told her everything, all that eerie stuff he could do and had done. Abusing her, taking her hard fought control completely away from her after so little time of it, her free will itself. But he didn’t stop there. No, much worse. He even took her family away from her, threatening to ruin her relationships with them, the people having always supported her. She only now realized how important her family was to her. Only now that she was about to lose them. Yet Duun was not done with destroying her. He took her home, invading her safe place, where she could be in total control; she could no longer do anything, broken once again. The fracture going as deep as making her ask of him to kill her, no, kill himself. It wouldn’t matter which one. Nothing mattered anymore.