Too Big

Steel -- who always felt that his parents took their love of Pittsburgh a little too far when it came to choosing his name -- tried to relax in an examination room of the Luckey Institute, and was relieved when Dr. Larissa Luckey herself finally stepped in.

"Good morning, Doctor," he greeted. "So anyway, you said a week of examination, and it's been a full week -- getting put on video, being measured and weighed, studying my erections and ejaculations. So I hope you have an answer."

"Yes, that." Dr. Luckey smiled, though in a rather sheepish, even embarrassed way. "You seem to have gone through some kind of second puberty. It's as if your body decided to go through puberty all over again, even though you're already an adult. I'm not sure why."

"All right, so it's still a mystery. So what can I do?"

"That's complicated. You see, Steel, if your genitalia had simply grown just a little more, there would be no problem. But for some reason, your body decided to just keep on growing."

"Does it pose any health risk?"

"Oh, no ... not a HEALTH risk, no. And we agree that reduction surgery is simply not a viable option for you. What you need to do is just ... get used to being so ... big."

"All right, then, I'll try. Can I leave now?"

She bit her lip, looking even more embarrassed. "I'm afraid you can't."

"But why not? I'm healthy, you've done what you can ... "

"Steel ... I need to explain something to you. You see ... we women have all the power, and we like it that way."

"The power?"

"Uh-huh. We take it for granted that men are always horny and chasing after us, and it's up to us to fend men off and try to exercise a little self-control. That's the way it's always been, and always should be. What we're afraid is ... that you're so large, that women are going to hit on you constantly. What I'm saying, Steel, is that we've got to keep you secret. You could end civilization as we know it."

Steel laughed. "Come on. There have been ... studs before, and civilization goes on."

"I'm afraid you're in a whole other size class altogether, one we've never seen before. It's funny, a woman looking at it ought to feel some reflex for self-preservation, maybe even terror, maybe she should scream as if at some horrible giant monster -- but instead, we've been seeing the exact opposite. You attract women like a magnet."

"Doctor, this is only a theory -- and I've got to get back out there."

"I'm serious, Steel. We all agree. For the sake of womankind ... you can never be permitted to leave this Institute. I'm sorry, but you're just ... TOO BIG."