The Sasquatch

After losing your comfortable job as a waiter, you felt like a failure, as it was the perfect job for coasting into retirement. The hours were short, the workload small, and the pay was great, but you despised your boss, who unfairly singled you out for innocent glances at her chest, even though other employees did the same! Eventually, you got fired for stealing wine bottles (which you totally did!), and you found yourself binge-watching shows you had already seen for 12 hours straight every day for two months, trying to distract yourself from the sinking feeling in your chest about the state of your life until your wife returned from work.

Then, your sister called and informed you that your mom and dad were planning to sell the family cabin. Upon calling them to inquire why, they explained that the cabin's value was dropping due to mysterious disappearances of women hiking in the nearby forest. For six days, you protested to your parents, reminiscing about the cherished memories you and your siblings had at the cabin. Surprisingly, you began to feel more alive during these discussions than you had in the past few months combined.

Suddenly, you stopped trying to dissuade your parents from selling and instead focused on convincing them to reduce the price so you could afford it. After a lengthy discussion, both your dad and mom agreed to halve the price. When you proposed buying the remote cabin to your wife, she vehemently protested, hating the idea.

But you always get what you want...

Like a whiny child, you acted even more depressed than usual when your wife returned from work, growing a beard you knew she despised. You showed her childhood photos of you and your siblings at the beautiful cabin, hoping to nudge her into accepting the idea.

After three weeks, you and your wife began splitting your time between your dream cabin and your city house. While you loved it, your wife despised the outdoors. She was a relentless career woman who not only owned the house but also contributed 79% of the money to your joint bank account. She detested the outdoor smells, mosquitos, mud on her heels, and the long commute to work, which affected her sleep and made her irritable.

Running maintenance on the "ancient" cabin took up much of your time, affecting your sex life, and this week, intimacy had been scarce, contributing to her foul mood.

Life wasn't so bad back then, but recently, trouble started brewing. It may have started on a Wednesday when your wife "accidentally" woke you up while leaving for work.

As you struggled to open your eyes, your wife spoke to you in a sultry, angelic voice, gently coaxing you awake under the warm blanket. "Oh, you're awake? You know... If you wake up early and do some chores now... maybe you won't be so busy later tonight... If you know what I mean..."

Your response was equally soft and dreamy, almost fading in and out of sleep. "I'm sorry, honey... but there's just too much... that needs to be fixed..."

"Fine!" Her happy demeanor abruptly turned sour as she loudly stomped her feet, grabbing her coat and keys on her way out, the clacking of her high heels rattling your half-woken brain enough to prompt you to put a pillow over your head for some peace.

Attempting to crawl out of bed, the cabin's cold air stung your exposed skin, and the cozy warmth of the blanket tempted you to return to childhood dreams...

One hour later, you were jolted awake by a loud noise, and glancing at the clock, you noticed it was 7 pm.