The Pampered Pussy Club

Monday May 3rd 2004 – 9:40am – The Community Centre

There was a loud wolf whistle as Ali Mason bent over the pushchair to strap little Toby in. The young mum, with the long dark brunette hair, glowered at the men in the passing van as it sped away. She was late; she was queasy; she was not in the mood.

But, as the van turned the corner into the next street and as she made her way over to the community centre, Ali allowed herself a smile and preened herself. 'Three months pregnant,' she thought proudly, 'and still a babe'.

She pushed open the stiff doors to the centre and yanked the pushchair awkwardly through them. In the hall where the toddlers group met, small children played loudly and rampaged about. In a corner by the coffee bar a small knot of mothers chatted and laughed, seemingly oblivious to the chaos about them.

Ali glanced up as she removed layers of clothing from her small son (it was a cold morning today). There was tall blonde Erica, the oldest of them, starting a family for the second time. Next to her was Kelly, a young 19 year old single mum with chestnut hair and a shy demeanour. Then there was Donna, a somewhat mumsy looking redhead in her early thirties. Finally, Tracy, slim with bottle blonde hair pulled into a pony-tail - also early thirties. 28 year old Helen didn't seem to be here yet.

As Toby trotted off to join his friends, Ali went to join hers. A burst of embarrassed laughter emerged from the group.

"Well ladies," enquired Ali, with a smile, "what's the topic of conversation today?"

"Lesbian sex," replied Erica, matter-of-factly. Young Kelly turned beet-red with embarrassment. Ali smiled; the 19 year old probably seemed very worldly-wise to her teenage friends, but she was still no match for the raucous bunch of fish-wives at the toddlers club. Ali took Erica's comment in her stride.

"Oookay," she said, "anything any of you feel you ought to be telling me, here?"

There were embarrassed grins all round. Finally tall blonde Erica again broke the silence:

"Tracy was watching a programme about lesbians..." she began.

"Hey, it was Pete's idea!" interjected Tracy. Pete was her husband. Ali rolled her eyes heavenward.

"What is it with men and lesbians?" she groaned.

"I take it you didn't watch it," said Tracy with a smile.

"Mike wanted to. I went to bed. I left downstairs with a box of tissues. Was it any good?"

"It was alright," replied Tracy non-commitally.

"Has it converted you then?"

"No, but Donna was up for it."

"That was not what I said!" cried Donna, her pink cheeks matching her red hair.

"Well, what were you saying?" asked Tracy.

"I was just saying that its a bit different for women isn't it? Its not like being a gay man, where you're either gay or straight."

"Or bisexual," interjected Erica.

"Well, yes," agreed Donna, "but even so... There are a lot of women who are perfectly normal, but they can also be affectionate to other women. You know cuddling, doing each other's hair; that kind of thing."

"Doing each other's hair is not the same as doing each other's you-know-whats." retorted Ali.

"Oh, I don't know," replied Tracy. "What I mean is that somebody doing your hair can be quite sensual."

"Sensual is not the same as sexual."

"It can be."

Ali paused.

"So... would you do it then?" she asked Tracy. "With another woman. Would you go the whole way?"

"Well, I don't know about that," the blonde responded cautiously. "I don't think I could ever have an affair."

"But is it really an affair?" asked Erica, joining the questioning. "I mean its not as if your husband would object."

"He'd probably turn up with a video camera," agreed Tracy.

"But would you tell him?" asked Donna.

"Probably not."

"Then isn't it an affair?"

"Oh, I don't know now," replied Tracy looking slightly confused. "I suppose if it was just what you were talking about - a bit of pampering, that just... just went a bit further..."

"A pampered pussy!" declared Ali with a smile.

"A pampered pussy club!" laughed Tracy. "We could have coffee mornings and do each other's you-know-whats when we meet."

"No... no: 'The Pampered Pussy Society'" said Erica, joining in with mock pomposity.

"How about 'The Pampered Pussy Institute'?" suggested Donna.

"Yes! We could all sing 'Jerusalem' and then strip off," laughed Erica.

"Or make jam and spread it on each other's bodies," suggested Ali.

"Oooh, I'm getting excited just thinking about it," replied Erica. "Sorry, Kelly, are we shocking you?"

"No, its okay," smiled the teenager nervously.

"So, seriously Trace... and Donna... would you do that kind of thing?" asked Ali. "I mean if you knew that it wasn't like having an affair, just..."

"Just a bit on the side?" suggested Tracy.

"There are bits that seemed quite tempting," Donna began.

"Like a partner who won't fall asleep on you halfway through," said Erica ruefully.

"Ahhh, poor old Rob! You probably wear him out," laughed Tracy.

"But seriously," said Donna, "there's something appealing about having somebody who really knows your body as well as you do and knows what turns you on. Not instead of a man, but... you know... as an optional extra if you like."

There was a general "Mmm" of affirmation at this.

"So," prompted Ali wickedly, "which one of us do you fancy then Donna?"

"Oh, I think you're all gorgeous," Donna replied, lightening the tone.

"A lesbian orgy, huh?" said Tracy. "Pete would come in his pants!"

"Ooh, you dirty little minx!" squealed Ali.

"Not an orgy!" said Donna, seriously, "but a girls' night in. A bit of time away from the boys, to recharge our batteries, a bit of pampering..."

"Pussy pampering," interjected Ali.

"...A bit of pampering," continued Donna, "that could mean as much or as little as you wanted it to. No pressure."

"Hmmm. When and where would you have this girls' night in? And what would you do with the kids?"

"If its an evening, we can leave them with the boys. Its not as if they're not going to benefit," smiled Donna.

"Is that okay with you, Kelly?" asked Erica.

"Yeah. My mum would look after Jamie."

"Good," responded Donna. "And as for location... We could go to Helen's. Her house is on the edge of town and she's just had double-glazing fitted."

"Whats that for?" asked Ali. "To drown out the cries of passion?"

"Well..." began Donna and then turned crimson.

"And what will we tell the boys?" asked Erica.

"We can tell them the truth. That we're having a girls' night in," replied Donna.

"I'll tell Pete, I'm having lesbian sex with all my mates," said Tracy. "I'm sure that's what he thinks we do all day anyway."

"Well this time he might be right," commented Ali.

"More importantly," said Tracy, "is what shall we tell Helen, having nominated her house in her absence?"

At that moment, Helen, who had just arrived, joined the group.

"Well ladies," enquired the honey blonde 28 year old, with a smile, "what's the topic of conversation today?"

The others dissolved into fits of laughter.