Taking things in hand

In the beginning was my first involuntary erection: nature's way of telling me that puberty was now hammering at the door and demanding to be let in. So I let it in - a bit at a time. It would have been rude not to.

But we must now leap forward seven years, in compliance with CHYOA rules. This makes me eighteen and therefore eligable be made the subject of any sexual fantasy I choose with impunity. Naturally, I've learned how to wank by now and for the sake of this particular fantasy, I've taken to sneakily looking at girls from concealed positions and masturbating whilst imaging attacking, overpowering and them. Of course I don't actually attack them and have no genuine intention of doing so; so why am I doing this? Well, partly it's because I really, really really love having orgasms, I think they're the greatest thing ever; but mainly, it's because real live girls scare me shit-less. I can't even talk to them so I've no chance of getting a date or developing any sort of meaningful relationship that might result in a consensual fuck.

Yeah, I know it's tragic but what else can a guy like me do?