Sutorippu

“Dude! Did you see the latest update from J-Lust?”

The day was like any other Summer day for Jimmy and Mike. The two bespectacled college sophomores were hanging out in Jimmy’s basement, eating junk food and watching anime. Half empty bags of chips covered the coffee table in the center of the room, punctuated with cans of various alcoholic and non alcoholic beverages. A small egress window was the only source of natural light, the room otherwise being illuminated by a small lamp on Jimmy’s computer desk next to his monitor. Jimmy was casually browsing social media while Mike stuffed his face with snacks. Mike raised his voice to compete with the all but forgotten episode of Not Another Magical High School Anime playing in the background.

“You know I don’t visit that site as much as you do weeb,” sighed Jimmy, his fingers moving lazily to type in the URL.

He moved the cursor to the J-Lust banner (You’ve got a bro in Japan!) at the top of the screen. The website was a popular Japanese import site which dealt mainly with erotic and pornographic goods. He then navigated to the New Releases and Preorders section. Mike had risen from his crumb-caked roost and waddled over to look at the screen as well.

“That one there,” he gestured to the word ストリップ.

“It says...uh… su to ri pu…?” Jimmy knew that he should have paid more attention in his Japanese class but still retained a passable knowledge of katakana.

“Very good genius,” said Mike. “In other words, Strip.”

Jimmy felt that he should have known it would be some kind of sex game that had his friend all excited. It was about 80% of what Mike talked about. He could almost feel his friend’s heavy breathing on the back of his neck.

“Man, back the fuck up creep.”

Jimmy shoved Mike backwards; he had meant it as a nudge but his friend stumbled back, almost barreling into the table. For his part, Mike remained unfazed. He adjusted his coke-bottle glasses and continued to lecture his friend on the glories of the latest in Japanese pornography.

Jimmy tuned out his friend and scanned the product information page. It looked to be a set of corny glasses, being modeled by an overweight Japanese man-child with a bull cut and a goofy grin. The otaku poster-boy had his arms stretched out in front of him, giving a double thumbs-up while cartoonish lightning bolts shot out from the glasses. A description below read:

Do you find yourself a permanent resident of the Friend Zone? Your buddies in Japan from the JBP have a solution to your problems. With the all new Sutorippu Eyewear any girl will become yours in a matter of minutes. The glasses come with an easy to use HUD which allows you to target, address, undress and dominate the damsel of your choosing. Fitted with the latest in psychosexual technology straight from JBP laboratories, you have to try this product for yourself. Purchase before September 2018 and you will receive a free month subscription to the Friends of JBP modding community for access to all the latest fan developments.

Price: $49.99.

“So, it’s some kind of gag product?” asked Jimmy, rolling his eyes.

“No man,” Mike squealed, “it’s legit.” I have a buddy overseas who bought a pair and swears by them.

“I don’t know what’s harder to believe, that these glasses are a legitimate babe magnet or that you have any friends outside of this room.”

Jimmy and Mike’s relationship was founded on, amongst other things, a fairly constant stream of degradation. Jimmy saw their benevolent exchanges as an effective way to build resilience for the vitriol that was all too often found in the real world.

“C’mon bro, don’t be like that. Hey guess what, I’m going to be the better man here and get you an early birthday present.”

With that, Mike threw his porkish girth into Jimmy, causing him to topple from his desk chair, his glasses nearly falling from his face. Mike’s sausage fingers flew across Jimmy’s keyboard with a surprising amount of dexterity. Of course, Mike had his own account on J-Lust. Before Jimmy could fully recover from the body blow Mike had added a pair of Sutorippu Eyewear to his cart and input his payment information. Mike brought a greasy finger up to push his own glasses onto the bridge of his nose and smacked his lips in a self satisfied gesture.

“You’re welcome,” he beamed.

Jimmy rose, still rubbing the point of impact.

“You didn’t have to do that, especially for something that’s so obviously a joke.”

Mike clasped him on the shoulder, “Bro, you’ll be singing a different tune once you’re balls deep in some cutey. Just promise me I can borrow them occasionally.

“Yeah man, whatever. Hey, it looks like the latest episode of Kyun Kyun Bunnygirls just came out. That sounds much more important than buying plastic crap on the internet.”

“Choco-chan best girl,” Mike pronounced sagely.

The two friends nodded in agreement, cracked open two cans of store brand Mountain Dew and turned towards the screen in the corner of the room for their daily dose of moe.