Super Jump Wagon

No one really know when it began, but over the years the human race has become more and more whiny and pathetic. Adults act more immature every day. Now the overall progress of the species is progressing, but culturally humans are stagnating. Arts and entertainment are just cookie-cutter dreck spewed forth from the hackneyed computers of college dropouts with a barely registering IQ. Music is about how life sucks because the singer's friends don't understand (blarg) them. Television no longer stimulates people, preferring instead to simply keep them distracted from thinking too hard about the slow decline of the human species. The few places on the internet with any semblance of intelligence (chyoa.com ;) ) grow more rare with each passing day. The world as a whole was growing closer to being the world of a certain movie; extremely low IQs, no food, etc. I couldn't let that happen, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

You see... Oh wait. I'm sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is...not important. You can call me Alex. I am a research scientist working for [REDACTED]. We study various things, but the area of research relevant to our story is the field of genetic and biological change. Let me explain. The research into genetic modification had been mandated by President Trampe in order to prove to the world that his orange butt had not conspired with foreign interests against the Unified Society of America. Most people found his antics tiresome and a few found him downright criminal. Sadly, a noticeable number of people in the USA supported him. The experts felt his election was another symptom of the decline of the country. [REDACTED] felt the same way and began a research program to try to find some way to restore the country to its former glory.

I digress. The point is the country was in trouble. The world was in trouble. Suffice to say a solution was found to the problem and implemented. Today, the world is slightly better off, but it still has a long way to go. We still suffer under the blight of Special Judges of Wit (often referred to disparagingly as SJWs), stupid political parties, and the occasional member of the Bush family (thankfully they only come out at night). Those are just some of the world's problems. However, the world is a MUCH better place than it used to be...

Hold on. [sounds of shuffling papers] I have some notes here somewhere...yes. Here we are. I have kept track of the various interesting developments over the last few years. There are the usual news items; crashes, crimes, etc. Then there are the ones that you no doubt came here to hear, ie those involving sex. Hehe. I almost envy you; not having the complexity of dual- and non-gender to worry about. I know people say being one of two genders is harder but honestly, I think it is easier. But I suppose I am rambling a bit. I tend to do that from time to time. You are probably wondering what kind of stories I have to tell. Well I can tell you about...