Selena

Hi, I'm Sal. Sal it's not a short form for Salvatore or Sally, but Selene, it means something about moon. Selene is a unisex name, the moon have no gender ... and all the excuses my hippie parents can give does not change the fact that a lot of female babies were given that name. And my body doesn't help also. Even having something extra between my legs at school they mock me ... calling me Selena.

Sometimes I dream that I am a famous singer, however now I'm just another assistant producer working my way to pay the rent. I am an assistant producer because I love the stage. Sometimes I even wonder what would be to work on the other side of the camera. Yes, being under the lights, dressing fancy clothes ... It's good to dream, but you need to have a certain genetics for that. The stage is cruel, very cruel. Only those who are born with the right face and the right body and the right connections can dare that. I learned that at the theatre club.

An education by hippie parents ... I learned a lot about alternative ways to think about performative arts, and that's useless. Art is not an alternative. Today art is a game, if you follow the rules of the game you are an artist. If you follow hippie alternative art ... you are a freak.

But even besides all that, it helped. Being part of small performances with other hippie kids was all we deed in our community. Yes, I was raised in a hippie community. There we had no discrimination ... and no tv also. So every night all gathered for a shared meal and a show. We all performed, some better, some worse, but it was fun. There i could be the almighty Selene, the god of the moon without being mocked. And after knowing about my problems at school, our shaman ... yes, what would be of a community without a shaman ... Our shaman told me that I should transform the word of fear in bliss, and Selena was born. First was only in the presence of the shaman chamber, but soon Selena was part of the show of the community. And it helped. Every time someone called me Selena at school didn't trigger my tears, I no longer cried. It was no longer fun to mock me. So I became Sal.

And after such a success, Sal dared to dream ... and I joined the theatre club. I had no idea what was a casting. On our community during the shows, people just got up when they feel it and started to perform with the person that was telling the tale. It was super chaotic and the story was always different. But not here. At the club we had rules, lines specific roles ... and auditions. Apparently there are differences between castings and auditions, if you pass the casting you can go to an audition. That's so cruel ... first they waste your time and feed your fire, and after they waste your time and froze your dreams. I've tried all the castings, but during the auditions ... there was always someone better. I don't much talent on a skinny person performing as a goblin or a plump person. performing as an orc, but that's me. At the stage forget about talent, you need a prince ? Call the most handsome boy. You need a princess ? Call the most pretty girl. Genetics. Pure genetics. And it gets worse, these blessed ones with the holly genes have a lot of experience. When you are born with the right genes, you are the chosen ones to perform. While I was performing on a campfire surrounded by my family beyond blood, these kids were performing on movies and tv shows.

So let's forget all the "open castings" they make, they are all fixed. At school, at a theatre club, at a job interview ... all fixed. They gather a crowd of amateurs like me ... and maybe you. So here we are on an endless line trying to see what role can we choose from and surprise ... the ones that are chosen are already models with a curriculum that makes you think how did they have time to do the homework and study for the tests at school. You and me ... can be extras, background people and if you have a lot of talent and a lot of formal study maybe some secondary roles. But the main roles ? they are all for the choses ones. The choses ones do not need to sing, the computer and the chorus do it. And they do need to dance, that's why they have professional dancers on stage. No, the chosen ones just need to smile and make make the fans dream with them. When you are young, they have innocent dreams ... but after some years things get a lot more interesting. You and me ? You might get a part, but me ? I am on the backstage carrying endless boxes, with endless clothes and other things.

But I am still here, I am the first to show up and the last to leave. Why ? You know why, when no one's here, and all is silence. The stage is mine, and sometimes on my silly heart I hear cheers from the empty seats in front of me ... and I do an encore.