Risky Excitement

His strong, dirty fingers pinched the joint tightly. He inhaled. It glowed red, then orange then bright yellow. He pulled it away and gasped a huge breath. A spiral of smile gently rose. He extended it towards me...

Mike and I met in college. He was nothing like the other guys I'd dated; I'd always liked the excitement and danger of "bad boy" types. Most of the guys I met were jerks. Even as far back as high school. I'd hung out with the older boys. They were so much more interesting. They liked me too. I was eager to lhang out with them and was always willing to try antying. I was sucking high school buys in 8th grade. By 10th grade, if a guy forgot a rubber he knew I'd let him do me up my ass. Soon I had something a a reputation. I was the girl who all the "popular" guys hooked up with a few times. I'd hook up with new guys all the time. They used me. I knew that. They scratched a deep itch. They were dangerous. Intimidating. They me to feel like a real woman. I learned to love fucking. Feeling desired and wanted. Knowing my body. Orgasming easily. They made me feel awesome. But my attitude about men was pretty simple. They were kind of selfish, one dimensional pigs. I never really wanted a serious relationship. Why would I? They were like figuring out a puzzle; I could fuck any guy I wanted. Until I didn't want to anymore. Then I'd be rid of him and onto the next.

In college I met Mike. He was so different. Kind, gentle and dependable. He was so serious. I resisted. He'd wait for me after my dates. Ask how they went. Soon I opened up. I never met someone who actually cared about me as a human being. It was new, exciting, and so great! We saw each other exclusively for a year. It'd been the first time I'd ever dated anyone exclusively. I liked it. But I missed something. It felt ...safe. In both a good and bad way.

We married and both got good jobs. After a few years, our first child. Then a second. Things were safe. Secure. Predictable.

After a company softball game and a few drinks, I hooked up with John. In the back seat of his car. It sex as I'd first known it; fast, frantic, frightening, frenzied a little painful and deeply satisfying. I told Mike and he was hurt. It took months for him to get over it.

Then we were on a walk. He stopped. Looking down, he told me something had been bothering him. He couldn't stop thinking about it. Me in the back seat, John fucking me wildly, moaning, gasping, sweating. It was all he could imagine. My affair had opened a new door to him. He asked "would you ever consider doing doing it again?"

It had been my fault that he felt like this. His preferences matter. I thought "for once, maybe you should think of him."

Mike watched from a far a few times as I went to bars to flirt. That was the plan. Only flirt at first. Then we'd go home and fuck. It was exciting. Then I met Max. A construction worker, he'd been a defensive lineman in high school. He reminded me of one of the "bad boys" I'd been with. After flirting I ran into him. He gave me his number. I took it.

Max showed up a the bar late. He didn't even shower. Sweaty and confident we started drinking. After 4 margaritas, I felt drunk. Max walked me outside. My short skirt and heels made it tough. As we walked down the alley I knew what was going to happen. I felt no guilt. I wanted it. I stopped to take off my heels. I promptly fell on my ass. Max laughed. He looked back and forth. Then he pulled out a huge joint. I hadn't smoked weed in 15 years. His strong, dirty fingers pinched the joint tightly. He inhaled. It glowed red, then orange then bright yellow. He pulled it away and gasped a huge breath. A spiral of smile gently rose. He extended down towards me as I sat in the alley. Weed was what always worked for the boys when I was young. "Give Amy a hit and you can do whatever you want" was the word about me. I held it and looked. Pushing it to my lips I inhaled. It tasted like burnt rubber, just as I remember it. I handed it back to Max. "It's not very strong, take another" he said, handing it back to me. I pressed it to my lips and took a deep, long drag. Then coughed and coughed. Max laughed. He looked back and forth. Crouching down, he kissed me.