Public Medical Experimentation

"The SENTENCE?" exclaims Gwen.

"Now now, sweetie, the settlement our lawyers reached with the university ensured that you wouldn't face the sentence," says Gwen's mom.

"Yeah, but that's only if I let Professor Balducci experiment on me!" Gwen protests.

"Don't be ungrateful, Gwen. If it weren't for my legal team, you would be facing certain . All you need to do is consent to the medical experimentation--" says Gwen's father.

"--Technically, the terms agreed upon don't include consent..." says the Dean, who is accompanied by the university's top attorneys.

"Let me rephrase," says Gwen's father. "You should be grateful to undergo this medical experimentation, given that the other option was ! What are you thinking?"

"Technically," replies the Dean, "the terms you agreed to don't ensure that she won't die..." he says, glancing at his attorney, who nods in agreement.

"See?" says Gwen. "For all we know, whatever you signed me up for could be worse than the sentence!"

"Quiet!" interjects Gwen's father. "You're the one who begged me to get our lawyers involved. You got two girls killed in your stupid sorority hazing rituals! You should be glad I even bothered to get the family's lawyers on this. Besides, it's all going to be publicly livestreamed, and your mother and I will be in the audience for support. It's all going to be okay. We won't let Professor Balducci do anything unreasonable."

"Technically," the Dean says, "my attorneys want me to clarify that if you intervene in any way, the settlement is nullified and the university will revert to pressing charges."

"Professor Balducci is a fucking psycho..." Gwen sobs.