Professor Puppetmaster

You walk into the auditorium and step up to the podium. 300 Freshman stare back at you.

“Hello everyone,” you begin, “I'm Porfessor Smith and this is a class about the law. No, the university doesn’t require you to take it because they expect everyone to become lawyers. They just want you to obtain some simple facts about how to live within the law.

“You see, it all boils down to what you can afford to get away with. I’m not here to teach you how to be perfect. I’m just going to teach you how to judge what you can and can’t get away with. For instance, there are a lot of hot young girls on this campus. I see you girls walking around in those tight pants and I just want to take a big ‘ole bite out of one of those tight asses.”

“But,” you continue, “I can’t get away with that. I can’t afford the lawyers to keep me out of jail and I can’t afford to retire after I’m fired. I know this, I’ve accepted this. so I work hard and someday I’ll have saved up enough so I’ll march out on the Quad and bite some hot young Freshman girl’s ass.”

Nervous laughter sparks up throughout the auditorium.

“And that’s what I’m hear to teach you how to do. To figure out how to not have more fun than you can get away with.”

The lecture goes well and you head back to your office. When your office hours roll around you hear a knock on your door.

“Come in!”

A young man enters. He’s so incredibly normal looking that you’re immediately sure you’ll have trouble remembering him out of the 1100 students you’re teaching this semester.

“Hi Professor. I’m John Mitchell. I was in your Intro to the Law class today.”

“Oh good,” you reply, “Have a seat.”

The boy sits down. “That was a great lecture today. The part at the beginning was really funny.”

You smile. “Well, if you say something ridiculous right away, everyone spends the semester listening intently, just in case you say something else interesting.”

John leans forward conspiratorially. “So you don’t really want to bite some girl’s ass?”

He’s obviously a good kid who can take a joke. “Well… not “bite” an ass.” You wink at him.

John fingers a ring on his right hand. “I’ve got a deal for you professor.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You let me skip your class all semester, but give me an A+ anyway. In return, I’ll give you this ring.”

The offer is too absurd not to hear the rest of it. “And why is the ring that valuable?”

John smiles at you. Suddenly you stand up, despite having no desire to do so. You try to sit down, but instead your body moves moving you into the corner and does a handstand.

John walks over and sits on the floor in front of you. “I used the ring to make you do that against your will. It only works on one person at a time, but it can control emotions, too. It can make you happy, or hungry even though you’re full, or make you do things but think you’re still in control. You can do anything with any co-ed ass you want from now ‘til forever.”

You try to move, but your body won’t let you get out of the handstand. You stare at the upside down boy. “If you can do all this with the ring, why not just **** me to give you an A?”

He shakes his head. “You can do whatever you want while you’re near someone, you can even make them forget all the weird stuff that you made them do. But after you’re gone, they return to normal. So if I make you give me an A, you’ll just change the grade back later.”

Your arms start to ache. “I don’t… Look. This still seems like a scam. Why would you want to give up such a powerful ring?”

John gives you a friendly smile. “Because I like you! And because I can make more.”

The impulse to do a handstand goes away and you fall to the floor.

“Come on, professor. There are 20,000 girls on this campus. At least 5,000 of them are hot, and there will be another crop next year. Do you want to take my offer and see how many you can work your way through before retirement?”