My First Step

Some things just aren't meant to be explained, they just happen. I used to believe that just being a good person was enough to feel fulfilled, and I had always done my best to be good... but I misunderstood what being good meant. being good doesn't mean being polite or considerate, it doesn't mean I should try my best not to be a nuisance, and It doesn't mean I should value myself less than I value others. I grew to realize that "being good" doesn't really mean anything at all, at least, it doesn't to me. It was all just an excuse I came up with to justify being distant, a twisted mental routine that convinced me that the best way to improve the lives of those I care about is to be in their lives as little as possible. Now that I've actually realized that, I think I can finally change for the better. or...I would, but sometimes things just happen. Fate? Destiny? Maybe... but whatever it is, it isn't something that can be explained. the irony isn't lost on me that THIS is what my screwed up head is thinking about just microseconds before I jump in the path of a lunging rattlesnake for the sake of protecting a stranger's misbehaving puppy. it wouldn't be until after I died that I began to question why a rattlesnake would be here of all places, or why I decided to act the way I did...I know that more things happened before my eyes shut, but those memories are gone...

"Will they be alright?" a concerned, feminine voice pleaded through the darkness, every syllable sending a wicked throbbing in my brain, my lungs felt dry and heavy, and my fingertips felt cold and shaky. three things immediately became clear to me; 1). I still have a brain, and that's arguably a good thing. 2). I still have lungs, I definitely need those so that's very good. and 3). I still have fingers. overall these are quite positive results. Im still going through a self diagnostic when I hear another voice interrupt my train of thought.

"You brought them here just in the nick of time" a deeper voice said, much quieter, it still hurt but it didn't quite ring in my head as badly. "they should pull through just fine"

I quickly updated my list of things I knew and felt relief wash over me. I wasn't dead, and I suppose that's worth celebrating, but at the moment the only celebrating I could do was slipping back into the embrace of unconsciousness for a nap. the voices continued for a long while, but their words faded just as I did.

Light carefully slid under the weld tight seal of my eyelids, pushing into my head and reawakening both me and my insufferable headache. I lifted my arm and, after squeezing a few times to check that they were working, I rubbed at my eyes until I could open them completely. I tried to sit up straight and found my movements to be a bit sluggish. they had attached all sorts of monitors to me, like the one controlling the insufferable heartrate beep. my withered lungs managed a painful sigh as I shakily tried to stand up, bracing on the bed for balance as I carefully walked to the bathroom. I knew that if I got up the nurses would surely be called to rush in if I stood up on my own, but there was something I really needed to do.

stepping in front of the sink I ran the water, cupped my hands and splashed my face, once again rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I woke up. I dried my face and I have to admit that it did make me feel much better. my arms reflexively lifted above my head as I bellowed a yawn and did a big stretch, turning my head slightly and catching the mirror in my gaze for a moment and seeing...me