Major Decisions

Life: it's all about making decisions, of that I'm sure. The problem is figuring out who makes those decisions, and in my whole life, that hasn't been me. At twenty-one years, I'm still the victim of my controlling parents, unable to do what I want, nor when, nor where. So this is a big step for me: finally moving away from home to a college of my choice for a major that -I- control. It's even bigger than that because I did it all without permission. Small wonder, then, that I'm suffering serious anxiety about finally deciding things for myself.

You must think I'm crazy, that if you were me, you'd break free and fly. But having controlling parents has its perks, believe it or not. At least, the road ahead is paved, the maps are drawn. Life is simple.

Again, you think I'm nuts. You think that if you were me, you'd be happy to draw your own map. You'd do the right thing or do the wrong thing and love it either way. If you were me, you'd forget about calling my parents and telling them what a terrible mistake I've made. If you were me-- well, forget about that, because I have news for you, Sister: you -are- me. You're my id, my ego, my superego; my subconscious; my other self; my imaginary friend. I haven't seen you since the doctor first gave me my "cute little pills" when I was five. Well I threw those out along with my past and I'm NOT LOOKING BACK.

I thought that the big step would be the hardest, that I could do it alone, but I was wrong, because I need you. I need you to tell me what to do, just until I get some control. I, Alexis Hsu-- twenty-one years old, transfer student, newly appointed dorm rat-- submit to you, Alexis Hsu, myself.