Machismo

It's been a while, a long while since you've thought about this. This feeling fills your chest with pain and regret, as your head begins to circle around these memories you've chosen to hide from yourself. Sunlight flits through the slightly ajar window blinds softly illuminating your bedroom. Dirty clothes lay in piles on floor next to your bed, not all yours, some from nights where you've ended up adding another notch to the bed post, others are friends' that you never bothered to return. On your dresser lay some of your friends' jockstraps, that you've used as cumrags as thought about them, rubbing your cock right through the thin fabric of your underwear, while you sniffed every inch of the cloth taking in the aroma of the guys, you spend most of the time with. Your gaze shifts to your phone on the nightstand, someone sent you messages last night, you know who it is, but you'd rather focus on the digital alarm clock on the nightstand glowing a soft hazy green while flickering the time ,nine o' five a.m.. You search right beside you hoping to find warmth, but end up with cold empty space. Instinctively you reach out around you, carelessly pushing empty bottles onto the floor, trying to find one bottle that's still only half empty. It hasn't been easy to deal with let's say the thoughts about other men you occasionally have. Right now, you're alone and you're not ready to face that fact sober, yet.