Ice and Fire

Well, first, I didnt wrote this history. I found it in a defunct site. The author, Alex Blame, uploaded it to another site, I'm translating it here, because this site fits better its interactive structure, and because this is a good story that deserves to be known by english speakers. Creative credits to Alex Blame, I'm just the translator.

"Fuck, man!" What joy! —says Jorge giving you a slap that almost changes your shoulder blades to the side— How long ago? What a coincidence!

'Three years, if I remember correctly. You say hello to your old friend from college and motion for the waitress to bring you a couple of beers.

Puri walks up to you and leans over provocatively to pour you the beers. You can't help but take a look at that pair of tanned melons, stiff, bubbly, attractive...


She opens her mouth to tell him something nice like every time you stop there, but Jorge stops you laughing.

"Don't be a jerk. - Jorge tells you - I don't know her at all, but you can see from afar that that girl will never pay attention to you other than to empty her beer fridge.

—I know, but lately things have been really bad. I don't remember the last time I got laid properly so I shoot with pellets. you reply.

"Maybe you're wrong and not looking in the right places." Jorge says with a smile. Bars have long ceased to be the best place to flirt.

—And now is when you tell me your infallible tactic and you will tell me that you mount it every day with a different one. Go ahead, you've got me on edge.

-Internet. Jorge says laconically.

"How?" You ask puzzled.

—Internet, dating sites. Have you never tried?

-Nope. —you answer surprised— But isn't that a nest of liars and people who like weird things?

-No way! That was before. Now it happens to most people like you, we don't have time for bullshit and with these websites you save a lot of time and you can flirt while you're in the office. With a little luck you can have a woman in a short time, if you are skillful, several.

"You're hesitating me." —you say thinking that your friend is throwing his nose.

—No way, I have three profiles on three different pages. One in which I look like a poor man with incredible bad luck, to soften up mature women, another in which I appear with my cousin's Porsche to attract beautiful and greedy young women and a last one in which I show myself as I am to attract the most slutty and depraved. He replies with a wolfish grin.

"And that's how you fuck every day."

—Not all of them, from time to time you get a frog, but in general my sex life has improved a lot since I've been in them.

"Okay, bullshit." You reply, downing your beer in one gulp and watching the waitress's ass wiggle in search of a new bottle.

"Bullshit?" You will see. Jorge says, taking out his cell phone and going to the cuddles page. com.

Before your eyes Jorge opens his profile and clicks on a button with the legend "possible close contacts". Immediately a window opens and four candidates appear almost immediately. The first two reject Jorge as soon as they see his profile, but the other two play along and chat with him for a while. Ten minutes later one of them invites him to "have a drink at her house".

Before your incredulous eyes, Jorge says goodbye and with a smile, not without sarcasm, he wishes you luck with the waitress while she leaves the joint putting on the package.

You come home half drunk after a long and fruitless night. Your head spins and you go to bed wishing for a dream that doesn't come. You turn over in bed and see the laptop resting on the nightstand.

You look at it, hesitate, think again and finally open the computer. The screen turns on with a slight noise and the home page of the operating system appears. You raise your hand and after hesitating another moment you open the browser and put "contacts" in the search engine.

Several pages come out and after hesitating between several, you opt for the one with the most members; lovefast.com

You do not think about it and you register as quickly as possible so as not to back down. After giving your basic information, describing yourself a bit and adding one of the few photos in which you don't look completely silly, you describe yourself as favorably as possible and choose your perfect woman. The page processes your data and before finishing it asks you to be completely honest and say what quality you value most in a woman.