How I Came to Love Myself

The students of professor Melissa Rodrick’s senior level biology class slowly filled the lecture hall. Jeff had arrived early to secure his usual seat near the back of the room. He didn't like attention. Plus, it was easier to catch extra sleep with fewer eyes on him. While the remaining influx of students took their seats Miss Roddick prepared the overhead projector. Today was an important lesson.

"Good morning students, the lectures for the next 2 weeks will cover special topics in human genetics. Please turn to chapter 6, page 91 in your textbook." Reversion Syndrome was displayed in large font at the top or the projector screen. "Our first topic will be human reversion." Miss Rodrick's words were like warm, strong coffee. Jeff's morning haze faded as she spoke. The word reversion lingering in his mind, encouraging him to straighten in his seat and focus intently. "All of you should be aware of this phenomena. The basics are a part of elementary through to high school sexual education classes. Now we will explore the topic in-depth," professor Rodrick explained. Jeff vaguely recalled learning of this reversion thing when he was a child. He was home-schooled until the 9th grade and relied on his parents to teach him about the birds and the bees at the time. Reversion wasn’t something his family talked about, his education consisted of a children's book his mother gave him. He hadn't ever thought of it until today. Perhaps he suppressed the memory. Whatever the reason was for his gap in knowledge, just hearing the words spoken out loud put butterflies in his stomach.

"The blueprint for constructing a human is encoded in DNA. During the early development stages of a human embryo the genes which will instruct cells on how to build all the parts of a body are read and their instructions are carried out. However, there exists in every cell the dormant ability to 'read the recipe in reverse' so to speak. The genes which would normally instruct cellular machinery to build legs, instead build arms. Likewise those genes which code for arms build legs. In fact the whole anatomy of the person is built reversed. This means that the cells which were meant to be for example, genitalia, grow and become a human head and brain," Miss Rodrick cheerily explained.

Laughter erupted from a small group in the middle of the lecture hall.

"This might seem funny, but it is a fundamental part of human life. As a matter of fact, every person has this hidden biological mechanism. And the most interesting quirk of this dormant ability,” said Miss Rodrick as she suggestively scanned the class. “Is that it usually activates for those within the university age range."

She quickly changed the projector slide to a complicated diagram.

Jeff was enraptured. He couldn't take his eyes off the projector, which depicted a person in various stages of reversal. He was hanging off every one of professor Rodrick’s words, something inside him stirring to life. Was it anxiety? Excitement? Jeff couldn’t tell.

"It is a popular theory that every living person is built from genes 'read in reverse' and we just can't tell, contrary to older theories that only a small number of people have this condition thrust upon them. The biological machina that can be activated to change the body is actually nature's way of fixing a problem inherent in everyone. Understood from this perspective, when someone is lucky enough to be 'reversed' per say they are really being made into the original intended form. That is to say the people you see around you are all really genitalia waiting to wake up. However, this topic is heavily debated within the scientific community and also the subject of my own research." Miss Rodrick changed the slide on the projector and continued her lecture.

"I will keep speculation to a minimum going forward and focus on what is well known. As I said, this process once activated causes arms to turn into legs, for shoulders to become hips, for the brain and head to turn into genitals and the reproductive system…" Miss Rodricks voice shrunk to a whisper in Jeff's ears and seemed, for a moment, very distant.

Something released within Jeff. A flood gate opened. His hand flew up, "Professor!"

"Yes, um Mr… Jeffrey is it?” the professor said, encouraging Jeff’s participation.

"Professor, you're saying that everyone in this room, all of us are actually not people. We're…What? Dicks? Vaginas? Upside down genitals mistakenly made into people?" Inquired Jeff.

"Yes, according to some theories everyone you know is actually genitalia masquerading as people. You just can't tell because the cells coded to become a penis and testicles or a vagina and ovaries are doing the job of the cells in one’s face and brain. Likewise the cells for arms are acting as legs and so on. Is that clear enough to understand now?" She was talking slowly and deliberately.

"What happens to the person who changes? Are they just gone forever?" This question leapt to the front of Jeff's mind.

"I was getting to that part, if I may continue? So, nature has evolved a way to correct mistakes. The person is not totally lost in the reversion process. No, as the brain is converted, for example, into ovaries the consciousness and memories of the soon to be reversed person become entangled with the awakening consciousness contained in the rapidly transforming genitals," professor Rodrick explained. The attention of the class was diminishing rapidly.

"How do we know this you may be wondering", she said with increased energy trying to bring the class back to life. “There are many well documented cases of reversions. When asked to describe their experiences, many of the now sentient genitals have stated that they remember everything the previous person did and that they could sense the previous conscious person was still with them, only changed. The person reversed into genitalia sometimes only thinks of itself as genitals and forgets it was ever a person. Other reports state the former personality remains fully intact and very aware. Yes, there are even reports that the two personalities can directly communicate.”

"What the hell is this feeling? What is going on!?" he thought. Jeff was excited nearly beyond control. The sound of his heart pounding in his ears. "Professor?" said Jeff. "Does the reversion work the same for both men and women? Like, do dudes turn into penises and girls into vaginas?"

"Good question! Surprisingly, there does not seem to be any correlation between the gender of the initial person and the gender of the final state,” professor Rodrick seemed pleased at least one of her students was engaged. “To answer the question more directly, men can become vaginas and women can become penises and vice versa. The scientific community has not produced a complete theory as to why one gender is chosen over another. yet."

Jeff fell back into his seat, sweating now, so very hot and deeply bothered. Jeffs hand shot up once more, "One more question. Professor Rodrick, is there any way to tell if someone will reverse?" His anxiety peaked as the seconds passed between question and answer.

"Often the reversal is spontaneous and totally unexpected by the lucky individual. However, genetic testing is theoretically possible I suppose,” the professor paused to contemplate that thought for a moment. “But the usual means of diagnosis, when caught early, is through questioning the person for key psychological features. There are distinct indicators that reversion is imminent. For example, a human on the cusp of reversal is not aroused in the normal way. When a normal human imagines having sex they see in their mind a scene from the perspective of a person. But a human on the threshold of reversion imagines sex from the perspective of genitals. This characteristic is loosely associated with which organ the person is meant to be. If their sexual fantasy is from the perspective of a vagina then they will likely reverse into that form." Professor Rodrick had lost the attention of the whole class at this point. Clearly all of this was ancient news to them. But not Jeff.

The gears in his head were turning. A light switch was thrown in his mind, illuminating his world. All his life he had felt out of place, like the world he saw wasn't right and he wasn't right for it. Because the world wasn't right. It was upside down, or rather he was upside down. The missing puzzle piece as to why he felt wrong in his body fit into place. He wasn't a man. He was never meant to be a man. He was meant to be a cunt. A vagina. A hole. A tight, wet, warm little pussy. Snugg between a woman's legs. He wasn't meant to make love to women. He was meant to be part of a woman, the most intimate part. A frenzy of emotion was building in Jeff's mind threatening to overwhelm him.

He squirmed in his seat.

The rest of the lecture flew by and Jeff hardly even noticed. He couldn't think about anything else except the bombshell that was just dropped on him.

The lecture hall slowly emptied.

"Hello! Earth to Jeffrey. Are you in there?" A distant familiar sound called out.

SLAP!

The shock of being slapped on the back brought the room into focus. "Jennifer? Sorry I guess I zoned out there for a bit."

"For a bit? You've been out of it all class. Hurry up. We have a tutorial in 5 minutes, and we need to get going," Jen said with obvious annoyance.

"Sure, sorry. Let's go,” Jeff replied.

The rest of Jeff's day at school went by in a haze. Could it be true? Was the person called Jeffrey really just an illusion? Could he actually transform into… into a vagina? He couldn't keep his erection down. There was no denying, at least to himself, that the idea of turning into a helpless pleasure organ totally under the control of another being turned him on so deeply it was like an ache. A raging fire that demanded to be extinguished or it would consume him. He wanted to know how to do it. He needed to know how to do it.

Jeff walked back to his dorm in a fugue. Lucidity didn't return until the door to his room clicked shut behind him. The bleak atmosphere of his living quarters threatening him. This is your reality, he could feel the room say.

He lived in a single occupant apartment in a poorly maintained university dormitory. It was depressingly small. Nothing but a bed, a desk, a tiny bathroom, and his computer. Was living like this really living? Was his existence always so bleak? Wouldn't everything be better once he shrugged off the responsibility of personhood. Fulfilling the simple role and duties required of an organ. Jeff dropped his backpack, quickly stripped off his sweaty clothes and sat in his underwear at his computer. He immediately started scouring the net looking for any and all information about reversion and how to trigger it. There wasn't much detailed information about what triggers a reversion accessible to non academics or those outside the medical practice, but there were bread crumbs. The answers were out there and he was relentless.

Eventually the trail brought him to an archive of videos deep in the underbelly of the web. They displayed in graphic detail how limbs contorted during reversion. How bones repurposed under morphing skin. The gruesome transformation process transfixed him. Watching how a male head was reconfigured for a more intimate purpose had him more excited than he had ever been. He watched as a man was turned into a beautiful woman from the bottom up. How the man's nose flattened and converted into her anus. His nostril becoming a sphincter. His mouth and jaw forming her mound while his lips contorted into a delicate vertical slit. He studied intently how the man’s head sank into his shoulders and how his shoulders simultaneously became wide child bearing hips. Jeff was amazed how the man’s cheeks swelled from facial proportions into a huge sexy ass, adorning arms reconfigured into long sexy legs. Jeff felt a rush as the man on the screen sprouted perky nipples, followed by breasts swelling up on the man's abdomen as his lower body became a woman's chest. Most importantly, and what really held Jeff’s attention, was how the man's cock and balls shifted and expanded. His testicles swelling into a brain shaped mass. His shaft thickening into a neck and his glands forming into a feminine face. Slowly becoming a recognizable head. The new person taking her first frantic gasp for air.

The videos, stimulating as they were, did not give him what he really wanted. Jeff dug deeper and after several hours his searching bore fruit. He found an obscure web page apparently run by a PhD student researching people who reversed. It briefly outlined what had been discovered from the many test subjects. Jeffs eyes lit up as they fell on the words, The hypothesized criteria for transformation:

The subject must give into the metamorphosis completely.

There can not be any psychological barriers preventing the change or it can not begin. When all barriers are removed the process is spontaneous (why this is the case is not clear yet, but no one who genuinely refuses to change does so).

Suggested methods to overcome mental barriers include: Acting out the role you see in your mind's eye.

For example, subject 147B: a woman who is adamant that she is destined to become a cock started wearing men's underwear over her head. She wore them like she would if her arms were legs. The subject attempted to sit in the 'correct' orientation whenever possible. That is legs over her 'head' with arms hanging like legs. The subject stopped referring to herself by her given name. She internalized being called dick/cock/penis. Even going so far as to demand everyone in her life talk to her groin and only refer to her as a cock.

Based on my research the removal of mental barriers is an important hurtle. It must be overcome or no change will happen. However, I suspect there may be a missing element that I have yet to uncover...

That was it. Jeff knew what he had to do and tomorrow his attempts would begin.