Happy Anal Sex Day

You wake up, still groggy, but dragged awake by the incessant pinging noise of your new phone. You've only had it a few days, and you haven't worked out how to silence the damn thing. To make it worse in your excitement when you first got it you downloaded a whole series of new apps, and now you have no idea which is making that ridiculous noise.

Groping around, you find it squashed between your two pillows. Squinting at it, you try to flick the notification away, but to no avail. Instead, you click on it and open the device, only to be greeted with the huge letters: "18TH APRIL - INTERNATIONAL ANAL SEX DAY."

"For fuck's sake," you grumble, as you thrust the now quiet device back between the pillows, not quite believing you had been woken up for that. You close your eyes again and roll onto your other side, determined to get back to sleep. However, now the idea of it being Anal Sex Day is planted in your head, you find yourself growing hornier instead of sleepier. You reach your hand down your body to feel...