Genetic Excellence Scholarship

"'Mr. Green, Thank you for applying to the Genetic Excellence Scholarship program. Your DNA satisfied 26/74 parameters. We regret to inform you that you have not met the requirements to receive GES funding,'" read Caleb, the third of the group to read his Genetic Excellence Scholarship application results, "I guess my jizz isn't up to par, either." He tossed his letter onto the stack. Caleb's DNA had the worst results so far, failing to meet Jon's 31 or Chris' 32.

"That just leaves Zac," Jon said, picking up the final letter, "maybe you'll have those God-genes they're looking for." He chuckled, holding out the letter for the youngest of the group, having just turned 18, to open.

"I don't really care anymore, I'm not going to get it, either. Open it if you want, I have to take a piss," Zac replied, heading to the bathroom.

"Well, I'm interested," said Chris, "open it."

Jon tore open the seal and pulled out the letter. "Mr. Webber, Thank you for applying to the Genetic Excellence Scholarship program. Your DNA satisfied," he paused, his face flush, "...71/74 parameters. It is our distinct pleasure to offer you GES funding for your upcoming academic program. Please visit our website and create an account with activation code G2093H for the terms and conditions of this program, and to complete the required paperwork."

The room went silent. The group of friends had applied to the program as a joke while celebrating Zac's 18th birthday a few months ago, expecting none of them would get accepted, but now Zac was being offered a full ride through university on the condition that he participates in a genetic study.

"That was... unexpected," Caleb said, his voice cracking in the middle.

"I can't believe it. Our nerdiest friend is a genetic alpha-male," Jon started laughing. Zac, the 6'1"-but-somehow-150-lbs socially awkward, gay, straight-A student, self-proclaimed loser, and only virgin of the group was officially the genetically superior man, beating out star athlete Caleb, resident Don-Juan Jon, and Chris, who was also their friend.

The boys were still pondering the results when Zac returned, "I changed my mind, what was my number?"