Drunken confessions

I woke up on a cold Sunday afternoon in my apartment completely naked with dried blood that ran all the way from my nose, down my torso to where my waistline would be if I was wearing anything. It was raining outside and for some reason the window was open. I don’t really remember much from last night, I remember getting to the club with two of my mates and drinking like there was no tomorrow. I have no idea what happened after being in the club for a little while or how I even got home. As I close the window and try to remember at least some of the events from last night I hear my phone vibrate.

I look for my phone and find it on the floor half under the table and see that both of my mates from the night before were talking in a group chat. I unlocked my phone and see that they were asking if I’m alright and a few pictures from last night. I responded to them with a “yeh I’m fine, what u lot sayin?”. Most of the pictures were just the average pictures you would take when you were drunk but one stood out to me. It was a picture of me with tissues stuffed in both of my nostrils and I was holding both my thumbs up. They both said that they were fine and made it home safe.

I asked the guys about the bloody nose picture and they said I got into an altercation with the bouncer after he told all of us to leave because we accidentally smashed a few glasses in our drunken state. But because I was too drunk I apparently told him to “fuck off!” which he didn’t take much of a liking to. My mates said that they were trying to get me to leave the club but they couldn’t which eventually led to me getting lamped by the bouncer. After I was chucked out I, for some reason, wanted them to take a photo of me. They said the bouncer was at least 6’5” and must have weighed about 120 kilograms.

I am 5’9” and only weigh 75 kilograms so I don’t know why I thought I could take him. “Must have been the booze” I said in the group chat. I put my phone down and started to mop up the water that had gotten through the open window. Before I could finish I heard a knock at the door.