Craving Doubts

Authors Notes

Craving Doubts is a long-form story in the making. As of July 2025, I’m writing chapter 30 – and it may eventually grow to over 100 chapters. I’ll be publishing several chapters at a time here on Chyoa, starting with chapters 1 through 7.

What is the Craving Doubts series about?

Paul and Nora have been happily married for almost twenty years – but things in the bedroom have fizzled out. Their sex life desperately needs a spark.

A video suggests partner swapping as a potential solution, and by chance, a meeting is taking place nearby. Without any intention of taking action that very night, they decide to check it out.

After initial difficulties breaking the ice, they connect with Marcus. But a single man wasn’t part of their plan. With another couple, they could both get what they want – and jealousy or conflicts would be easier to avoid.

But what if Paul starts to like the idea of watching his wife with another man?

Now, enjoy the read.

Chapter 1

"I'm going to freshen up," Nora said to me.

"Okay," I replied.

"Keep your eyes open. Maybe we'll still find someone."

"Will do."

Instead of watching to see if anyone was interested in us, my eyes followed her path through the other guests. First along the bar and then along the edge of the dance floor, where the first couples had gathered in the last few minutes. Up to this point, it had been easy to keep her in sight with her blonde hair and bright red dress. But now she was obscured by a larger group, and I lost sight of her. I briefly spotted her again and saw Nora disappear through a door.

I sighed silently to myself, took a small sip of my beer, and looked around sheepishly. In my imagination, I had pictured all of this to be much simpler. By now, we would have found a suitable couple and would soon be doing things that no one who knew us by our full names could ever have imagined.

A few months ago, even in our wildest dreams, I - Paul Haas - and my beautiful wife Nora would never have seen ourselves at an event like this. But then, within a few weeks, we came to the conclusion that our marriage could do with a breath of fresh air.

After eighteen years during which our daily lives had been heavily shaped by family, Nora and I suddenly had a lot of time to ourselves again. Our twins had moved out for university, and although they had needed us less and less in recent years, their departure still felt like a huge turning point. We could have held onto cherished family traditions like Pizza Sundays, movie nights, and nature hikes—and we still did some of those things, albeit not as often. But with just the two of us, it simply wasn’t the same, and so we suddenly found ourselves with an unusual amount of time and a freedom we had almost forgotten.

Of course, we had tried a few things. Without constantly having to consider our two permanent housemates, we could, for example, have sex whenever we wanted. Accordingly, in the first weeks of our newfound freedom, we took the initiative more often—and not just on Saturday nights, as had become routine after twenty years of marriage. But half an hour passes by pretty quickly, and there’s still a lot of the day left.

It wasn’t that we were no longer interested in sex or that our sexual desire had completely vanished. But the great excitement and tension were no longer there either. We were a well-oiled team that didn’t have the drive to explore each other anew.

We could have turned to porn or sex toys to revitalize our sex life. I don't know what possessed us to take such a big and, by our standards, crazy step.

In our search for inspiration, we came across a YouTube video that dealt in detail with how long-term couples could revive their sex life after ten or twenty years. A key suggestion in this video was to open up the relationship.

We are actually two very sensible people, and the adventures in our lives so far have almost all been carefully planned out. Perhaps that was exactly what appealed to us: an adventure that carried real risks—risks that we found difficult to assess.

Of course, we had also considered possible dangers. These were also covered in the video: jealousy, loss of trust, and the danger of developing feelings for someone else were the main points. However, my biggest fear wasn’t mentioned: What if we ran into someone we already knew that night? A coworker, neighbors, or the parents of our children’s friends—this adventure had the potential to become extremely embarrassing. Fortunately, I hadn’t spotted any familiar faces so far.

Nora and I had gotten together when we were nineteen. Two years later, we got married, and just three months after that, we became parents of twins. Anyone who paid even the slightest attention in sex education classes would correctly conclude that unplanned offspring was the reason for our marriage at such a young age. Nevertheless, it was an absolute love match that I still don’t regret today. I’m convinced that under different circumstances, we would have taken the same step three or four years later at the latest.

However, there’s certainly another underlying reason that probably prompted us to take this bold step. We had gotten together very early and had almost all of our sexual experiences with each other. Moreover, we became parents at an age when many other young people were still exploring and gaining experiences. While we couldn’t make up for that, now, at around forty, trying something new and wild was extremely tempting—at least for me. Perhaps a late-onset midlife crisis also played a role.

The video had also offered a few recommendations on how to take the first steps toward an open relationship. It just so happened that one of the options presented was very close to us.

That’s exactly what had brought us to Artemis that evening—a mix between a bar and a club. According to the website, Tuesdays were usually a day off, but for this event, it was apparently worth opening for a few hours. Not surprising, given the rather hefty entrance fee of one hundred dollars per person.

To be clear: Artemis was not a swingers’ club. The video had also mentioned such establishments. The thought of walking around half-naked in such a club and watching other people in their activities made my wife and me shudder. Nothing of the sort would happen at Artemis. It was merely a gathering where interested people could get to know each other and then, if they liked, have fun together elsewhere.

It had all sounded very relaxed and uncomplicated. Nora and I had agreed that we would just have a look around and, during our initial conversations, we would mainly gather information and, at best, contacts for the future. Nothing was going to happen that evening that would tarnish our marriage vows.

Even my erotic daydreams of the past few days wouldn’t change that. In those, things had gone quite differently, and we had quickly found a couple with whom we got straight down to business. So far, however, we had found it difficult to make contact with the other guests. We probably wouldn’t even find ourselves in the awkward position of having to decline another couple for shared bedroom activities this evening.

Nevertheless, Nora had really dressed up. The red dress was new. She was also wearing thigh-high stockings. I had jokingly asked her who she was getting so dolled up for, since nothing was supposed to happen that evening. That question had backfired.

"For you," she had replied with a laugh, glancing at our bed. "I do hope the evening will at least be interesting enough for us to have some fun together later."

This meant that the two hundred euros that the entrance fee had cost us together was at least not completely thrown out of the window.

I looked at my watch and wondered how long Nora had been gone. Was it only five minutes or were we already approaching ten minutes? She had just wanted to freshen up.

Before I could worry any further, I spotted her. She was on her way back to me, circling a group of six. I finished my beer. I felt it was time to leave. I didn’t want to stand around here looking foolish any longer. Maybe we were both too shy for something like this.

I had only taken my eyes off Nora for a moment. When I looked back at her, she had already halved the distance between us. Beside her walked a man who towered over her by at least two heads. They moved in unison, as if they belonged together and were pursuing a common goal. Finally, they stopped directly in front of me. I could only gaze at them with a hint of doubt and irritation. I had actually already mentally written off the evening.

"Good evening, I’m Marcus," the man introduced himself, extending his hand to me. He was also a head taller than me. He must have been just under two meters tall. His warm brown skin and his accent-free American English led me to assume he was African American. Some might criticize me for classifying people so quickly, but I always found it easier to strike up conversations with other immigrants, since Nora and I had immigrated to the USA twelve years ago with our young family. Before this evening, that had been by far the biggest leap into the unknown we had ever dared to take.

"Hello, Paul." Immediately after the brief introduction, my questioning gaze shifted to Nora.

"Marcus noticed that we’ve been standing around here alone for quite a while. He hasn’t really found any connections either."

"Most people here seem to have known each other for a long time," said Marcus. "It’s hard to break in as a newcomer. We newcomers have to stick together."

Nora smiled contentedly. "Absolutely," she agreed. "I wouldn’t have wanted to stand around here much longer either. Somehow, I had expected a bit more organization."

"One hundred dollars per person for little effort," I added, not hiding my dissatisfaction.

"Plus selling a few drinks and snacks," said Marcus. "That’s another way to make money."

Then I guess our journey home will have to wait a little longer, I thought silently, feeling almost a bit disappointed. In my mind, I had already been back home in our bedroom, slipping the straps of Nora’s dress off her shoulders and letting it glide gently to the floor, leaving her standing before me in just her lingerie and thigh-high stockings. The sight of her stockings that evening had reminded me once again how much they excited me—a pleasure I had seldom been able to enjoy in the past ten years. I would have loved to feel her beneath me now, still wearing those stockings.

Instead, Nora had surprised me so much by bringing along this stranger that it was only now slowly dawning on me that something was missing from our trio. Where was Marcus’s better half? There was no woman in sight behind them who looked as if she wanted to join us.

We had been in agreement that almost certainly nothing would happen this evening. If—and this was, at least in my mind, a really big, fat IF—anything were ever to come of this or any other evening, then only with another couple. In a partner swap, we would both get something out of it. And perhaps more importantly, neither of us could feel betrayed by the other. We were in this together. It would be difficult—and above all stupid—for one of us to blame the other for ending up in bed with someone else under such circumstances.

But now my wife had brought Marcus along, and even without asking, I immediately realized that he was here alone.

"Paul?" Nora nudged me gently, bringing me back to the here and now.

"Uh, what?" I asked.

"Marcus asked what you do for a living."

"I work in IT. Nothing special, boring stuff."

"Boring?" Marcus asked, feigning indignation. "Did you just call my work boring?"

Marcus also worked in the IT industry. My employer specialized in digital forensics, and my tasks included investigating digital traces and protecting sensitive data—often in cooperation with authorities or large companies. Marcus, on the other hand, came from cybersecurity, an area very close to my own work. However, after just one or two technical questions, it became clear to me that he was more from the management level and not one of those who type their fingers to the bone. I deliberately left my employer’s name unmentioned, because in my job you knew all too well how quickly you could otherwise be stripped of any anonymity.

"Uh, hello?" Nora asked. "I’m still here, you know."

"Ah, my apologies," Marcus said with a grin. "Perhaps not the best moment to talk about work."

"Apology accepted."

"May I make up for my faux pas with a round of drinks? Paul, a beer for you?"

"Uh, okay."

"Nora?"

"Wine, please."

"Coming right up."

Marcus headed to the bar, where, at almost two meters tall, he also towered over most of the other guests.

"How did you end up with him?" I asked.

"End up with him?" Nora retorted, as if I had attacked her personally.

"I didn’t mean it negatively. I just mean we’ve been here for a while without making any significant connections."

"He approached me. So far, he seems quite all right."

"I’m not saying anything against him personally, but…" I hesitated to say the next words. They could have been interpreted as a lack of trust in her, or alternatively—and perhaps even worse—that having my fun with another woman was a high priority for me.

"I know. He’s not what we’re looking for," Nora admitted. "But it’s better than the two of us standing around here by ourselves. I think he’ll manage if he has to make his way home alone. I’ve already told him that we’re not planning to start anything tonight."

"You’ve been talking for a while?"

"Just a brief introduction," Nora deflected.

The sole bartender behind the counter was quite busy, but Marcus still managed to quickly catch her attention. His impressive height certainly helped. He was back so swiftly that Nora and I had barely exchanged more than a few words. Yet even this brief exchange was enough to dispel my worries. It would be a relaxing evening, and in the end, I would lay my Nora on our familiar marital bed—ready to make the most of this experience.

We clinked our new drinks together and began a conversation. Almost any topic seemed permissible, except for the reason we were at this event. At least we could touch on the subject of work without delving too deeply into it.

"I was stuck in Philly for eighteen years," Marcus said. "My ex wasn’t willing to negotiate, and I was determined to stay close to my twins."

"Twins?" Nora blurted out. "That’s crazy—we have twins too. They just left home this summer and are now in college."

"And that’s why you’re trying something new now?" Marcus asked, letting his eyes wander around the room. Suddenly, the previously unspoken reason for this gathering was out in the open. We answered his question only with embarrassed silence. "I took the opportunity as well and moved back to LA."

"You’re from here?" I asked.

"I grew up here. Almost my entire family lives in the area. I moved to the East Coast for college—maybe also to put some distance between me and my family. Marcella and the kids—and a good job—got me stuck there. Apart from two or three visits a year, my family hasn’t seen much of me over the past eighteen years. My parents are now over seventy and fortunately still in good health. I hope we have many more years ahead of us in which I can enjoy them—and they can enjoy me. With age, neither they nor I are as exhausting as we used to be." Marcus laughed.

He even managed to move me, especially since our children had just left home. Nora and I were always happy when they got in touch, which, especially for my wife, couldn’t happen often enough. Accordingly, Marcus’s words resonated particularly well with Nora.

If I had been more cynical, I might have suspected that he was ingratiating himself with her to get close to her that evening. But that didn’t match the impression Marcus had made on me so far.

"How about a dance?" Marcus asked. By now, other couples had gathered on the small dance floor, dancing sometimes more energetically, sometimes more closely entwined.

Nora looked at me.

"Just a few dances. Not too long," Marcus assured her. "I could use the chance to stretch my legs.«

Now Marcus also looked at me. The decision of whether my wife could dance with another man had been placed in my hands. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted that. Normally, I had no problem letting her dance with a friend or a good acquaintance. But this wasn’t a wedding or some other celebration with good friends and family; it was a gathering taking place for a very specific purpose. But there was also no really convincing reason to decline this request without making it look like I had no trust in Nora. Especially since I would only be a few meters away and could keep an eye on her.

"Go ahead as far as I’m concerned," I said. "I’m not much of a dancer." I looked at Nora, who had already turned to Marcus after my first words and was now offering her hand to him.

They took a first step toward the dance floor. Nora glanced over her shoulder at me. "Just a few dances."

I responded with an accepting nod. My eyes followed their path to the dance floor. Marcus had placed his right hand on her back. Now that I was watching her from behind, a strange feeling came over me that I found hard to place. Uneasy perhaps describes it best. Somehow, it was different to see my wife dancing with another man here than watching her at a family party. The latter she would certainly have done without seeking my permission.

I let my gaze wander left and right before finally settling on my beer. Marcus had claimed he’d approached Nora because we were standing here alone as a couple at our high-top table. Ironically, I was now left entirely alone.

Nora and Marcus reached the dance floor, where he placed his hands on Nora without hesitation. Not in any inappropriate way, but just as the music demanded and as most of the other couples were doing. However, there were some exceptions: one man had both of his large hands on a woman’s rear, and even from my considerable distance, I could see his fingers digging into her buttocks. Thankfully, Marcus didn’t go that far—otherwise, it would probably have been up to me to intervene.

Instead, Nora and Marcus moved across the dance floor with noticeable restraint. Yet they were also unusually skilled. Marcus knew how to lead a woman. With my two left feet, I was more likely to trample on my wife’s toes.

Our drinks were empty. Since Marcus had bought the last round, it was probably my turn to get the next one. But since it was unclear whether things might wrap up after this dance, that would have to wait. However, I decided to treat myself to another beer. It hadn’t been enjoyable just standing around here with my wife—that wasn’t the point of this evening. But standing here all alone was even more unpleasant. As if my wife had left me here to have fun without me.

I walked to the bar, where, among the many other guests, I hardly stood out on my own. The bartender was still very busy and rushed around. It was difficult to catch her attention, but I wasn’t in a hurry. Besides, my eyes kept scanning the dance floor from time to time. Nothing had changed there. Well, almost nothing. Nora and Marcus were perhaps not quite as reserved as they had been at the beginning. Not that anything improper was happening. Their hands were still where they belonged. Perhaps they’d moved a bit closer together. It just took a moment to get used to a new dance partner.

My eyes remained fixed on them. Watching Nora dance with Marcus was entirely different from all her previous dances with other men—not just because of the special nature of this gathering. Marcus was tall and muscular, an impressive sight. Added to that was the striking contrast between Nora’s fair, Northern European skin and blonde hair against his dark appearance. I know how that might sound, and on other days I would have rolled my eyes at such thoughts myself. But at that moment, everything felt different.

We hadn’t discussed the matter, but of course, it was clear that Marcus was here because he was looking for something—a woman to spend a few enjoyable hours with. Why they had allowed him into Artemis without a partner was beyond me. This was actually a meeting for couples. But there were certainly those here who had no problem embarking on adventures separately.

For Nora and me, it was clear that nothing would happen that evening. The hands of this black giant were only allowed to touch my wife on the dance floor. After that, that was it.

Definitely… defi…

"Hello? Hello? What can I get you?"

"Uh, what?" I responded. My eyes flew to the young bartender standing right in front of me, beaming at me with her blue eyes and snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I believe you wanted something?" she asked.

"Oh, yes, that’s right. A beer, please."

"Coming right up."

She set to work and poured me a fresh beer. I watched her as she did so. I guessed she was in her mid-twenties—a beautiful young woman who, compared to the other guests, was almost modestly dressed. For her, this was certainly just a normal workday—albeit with a rather unusual clientele.

She placed the beer glass on the counter in front of me. "I’m not available."

"What?"

"I work here, and besides, I’m a one-man woman."

"Well, I… I didn’t… didn’t have any…"

"It’s all right," she said, laughing at my inability to produce a coherent sentence.

"I’m here with my wife," I said to clarify the situation.

"And where is she?"

"Dancing."

She followed my gaze. We looked at Nora and Marcus together for just a moment, then she glanced back at me with raised eyebrows. It wasn’t really clear to me anymore what I had hoped to achieve by pointing out that I was here with my wife. Practically everyone here was, and yet they wanted to go to bed with someone else.

The bartender turned away from me, laughing and tossing her long blonde hair. The next guest demanded her attention. I was glad that this unpleasant conversation had come to a quick end.

I sipped the frothy head of my beer and focused on keeping an eye on my wife and her dance partner. Was I imagining things, or had they moved a little closer together in the meantime? At least Marcus was definitely keeping his hands where they belonged—and that was certainly not on my wife’s rear, unlike some other couples.

I watched the two of them again with a strange fascination. I imagined what it would be like if Marcus weren’t here solo. If I were dancing next to them with his companion. I quickly dismissed the idea of dancing again; I didn’t need that. But of course, there were other activities that could have taken place elsewhere.

I envisioned this very vividly. Beneath me lay a Black beauty. Perhaps it was a bit old-fashioned of me to associate Marcus with a Black woman, but I had to imagine her somehow. Nora and Marcus were lying two meters away from us on another bed.

It was **** to see my wife intimate with another man. Yet my arousal remained. My cock was hard. I imagined them kissing. The woman beneath me demanded my attention. Her hand tried to turn my head back toward her, but I resisted. I couldn’t look away, no matter how terrible the scene was for me as the husband of a wife who had always been faithful until now.

A guest bumped into me, abruptly ending my daydream. I think he even apologized.

Some images from the daydream lingered stubbornly in my mind. I shuddered inwardly when I thought of the details. There was little left of the unknown woman beneath me—after all, she had entirely sprung from my imagination. But with Marcus and Nora, it was different.

I recalled an image and added more details: Nora’s legs wrapped around him, pulling Marcus tightly against her. It was a horror show. Frightening. Repulsive. Absolutely dreadful—and yet I couldn’t stop it. Because there was something else, a dark part of me that wanted to make this picture even more gruesome. The static scenario began to move. Marcus’s hips should be moving up and down, and Nora—my Nora—should be making sounds of pleasure.

I shuddered and grabbed the counter with one hand to steady myself. These thoughts were wrong. Completely wrong. Whatever might happen between Nora and another man—even if she did one day actually find herself in a stranger’s bed—I couldn’t allow myself to torment myself over it so intensely. I had to let her be, provided there was another woman beneath me as well. That was only fair. That was our plan. Both of us with another partner. That’s how it should be—if at all.

But that wouldn’t be this evening. My eyes searched and quickly returned to Nora and Marcus. My wife smiled at him. They were talking. For that, they had to come even closer together—the noise on the dance floor didn’t allow for conversation otherwise. With their difference in height, Marcus leaned down toward her so that their faces came extremely close. They would only have to overcome a few more centimeters to kiss.

A shiver ran down my spine. I felt a bit shaky. For a moment, I thought I was worried about my wife’s fidelity, but then I noticed another physical reaction. Things had become tight in my pants. My erection had returned.

I looked down at the floor. In the dark and standing so close to the counter, there wasn’t really anything to see of my arousal. I didn’t need to see it to know it was there. Slowly, my penis subsided again. I remained puzzled and didn’t understand this reaction. Of course, there were many beautiful women here. My Nora was one of them. But I had been focusing entirely on her and her dance with Marcus.

All I could do was shrug inwardly. Sometimes, a penis has a life of its own and swells when it pleases. Compared to this moment, there had been far more inappropriate times in my life when this had happened.

I watched the two of them dance for another ten minutes that dragged on endlessly. Nothing improper happened. They danced, talked, and even laughed at times. From a distance, it was Marcus who ended the dance. I finished my beer and pushed myself away from the bar. They spotted me and headed toward me. Nora had linked arms with Marcus. She gestured for me to link arms on her other side.

"We thought it’s time to go," Nora said.

"I was about to suggest the same," I replied, looking around. "Looks like everyone here has found their playmate and is continuing the evening horizontally." Marcus smirked. Nora wrinkled her nose. My kind of humor didn’t always go over well with her.