Consequences

“Where are you going?” she asked as I got up from my chair after picking up my jacket. I didn’t know what I could reply to her as I gazed into her eyes. The same eyes which have withered through the years – changed from the hazy blue to what can only be compared to an ocean, that face whose crevices show the hardships they’ve endured. I take a step forward, forgetting that breathing isn’t an option – while the café was filled with people, all I could hear was her voice – who am I kidding? Even if I wanted to – I can’t ignore it. I still remember her wedding, the vows she shared – the dress she wore, the kiss she shared, the smile she had, while all I did was cheer her on, raising a glass of champagne along with the crowd who came to her wedding.

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Am I smiling at this memory? Ah wait – yes, I am. Isn’t it funny? The moments you want to forget becomes the one you can’t forget; they stay with you as you deteriorate with age. I don’t know why my legs stopped, but she did see my smile when I turned back towards her, “I have to go back home,” I said, “And so do you. I can imagine your kids waiting for you to come back, don’t want them to hate their lovely uncle now, do I?” is all I could muster as I offered her a hand. All she did was laugh as she took my hand, accompanying me outside the café. It was cold, but the good kind of cold – the kind of cold which makes you want to walk while cuddling up to your loved one.

“What am I thinking again? Looks like today is another one of those days.”, I thought to myself and chuckled at that thought as we walked by.

I saw her car parked across the street and could hear every cell in my body to walk along with her to the car, just because I guess. Well, I didn’t do it and off she went after waving me goodbye. I didn’t move, standing there with a smile on my face as I looked at her walking towards her car. Then I heard her voice, maybe I didn’t notice her turning back but I am sure I heard her, she said, “You know, after all these years you’re the only guy I know, who didn’t marry – kept his head down and worked hard to get where you are today. Why?” “You know why I never did.” I thought out loud but didn’t say anything. I swear I saw a glint in her eyes, and I don’t know why my legs started moving.

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CRASH!

“OLIVER”

"Oh god, no no no no no no no no no. PLEASE GOD NO! OLIVER!!"

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Hmm? Why am I lying on the floor?

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Ah, there she is. But why is she crying? Wasn’t she smiling just a while ago, as we reminisced?

I don’t want to see her cry. As I moved my hand to wipe her tears, I saw a trace of red on her cheek as I did, “DON’T MOVE, SAVE YOUR STRENGTH! SOMEBODY HELPPPP!!!”

Ah. So, this is what happened. Silly old me.

As soon as she asked that question, a bright light came up on her face. She looked at the source of light, struck with fear and couldn’t move. I ran towards her shouting her to move away, but she didn’t. All I had to do was push myself out of the way after I pushed her, but I don’t know what happened. Was it because of my feelings or because I had had enough, I just stood there with a smile as the sedan struck me with .

I could feel darkness overcoming, but the faint voice of her sobbing while shouting for help just didn’t sit right with me. So, I mustered all my strength to raise my hands and grazed her cheek slightly, coughed up a storm so she could look at me. I said, “Shh. It’s okay”, my voice was hoarse – maybe because my thorax was fucked. She tried to speak up, but I held a finger to her lips – they’re as soft as I remember – and continued to speak.

“Listen to me… It’s okay. My life, was yours to begin with and I’m happy to pass away this way.”

“You don’t get to say that…”, she spoke up while crying, “You can’t die, not like this…”

I offered her a self-depreciating smile as I continued, “I’m going to say this once, and it is better this way. Don’t hate yourself…. Never… *cough* *cough*… ever, hate yourself for what transpired today. I am happy, for the first time in a very long time... *cough* *cough*… Send my love to my nephew and niece.”

Was all I could muster as I felt my world engulfing in darkness. Ah – I am never going to change, am I? Even when I was about to die, I didn’t tell her my feelings. Well, this way at least she won’t hate herself. Its funny that I am still thinking about her wellbeing when I am on the brink of .

My hand started to feel heavy, and the world started to move in slow motion, I could feel my life playing in reverse right from now back to what I could remember, and I don’t know why but this fucking prose came up to me as I lived the last few seconds of my life –

When tomorrow starts without me and I am not there to see if the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me. I wish so much you wouldn't cry so much you did today while thinking of the many things I didn't get to say I know how much you love me as much as I love you. And each time that you think of me I know you'll miss me too. But when tomorrow starts without me please try to understand that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand, and said my place was ready in heaven far above and I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

“…”

“Helllloooo!”

Huh?