Colorado United Nudity Tribunal

The United States is having ever fewer babies, and faced with the prospect of losing a seemingly never ending arms race with China, the U.S. government decides it's time to act. Something needs to change! The best the federal government has come up with is to give states and municipalities free rein in the thinking up of policies to increase the number of babies in their state. Federal funding is available for nearly any local policy that might raise the birth rate, Washington DC is getting extremely **** for a solution that works. Constitution be damned, almost anything is now legal for states and cities to try.

And so, we arrive in Colorado, the Centennial State. The brave legislators of the General Assembly have lived up to their state's nickname ("Colorful Colorado!") with their ingenious plan. These hard-working men pass an emergency bill on how to increase the province's population in a midnight session behind closed doors. The state Congressmen, in true bipartisan spirit, vote 59-1 with no abstentions to pass the Colorado United Nudity Tribunal law.

Opponents immediately criticized the fact that the quorum for the 100 seat legislature to pass a law was a 2/3 majority of legislators. The Supreme Court in Washington D.C. (complete with 4 new justices appointed by the president) struck down any and all challenges to city and state laws that had as aim to increase the national birth rate. Some also questioned the fact that coincidentally ALL of the legislators voting for the Colorado law were male. Meanwhile, all their female colleagues had claimed they were never told about the vote. The female senators and representatives also pointed out that the acronym of the law was ‘C.U.N.T.’, but this was explained away by supporters as just being a funny coincidence.

The CUNT law created a special court that was empowered to rule on the legality of city rules and regulations passed that dealt with increasing the birth rate. The court has thus far not struck down a single proposed municipal ordinance however.

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Lynne Miller isn't interested in politics. Politicians just do whatever they want anyway, they're all good-for-nothing corrupt crooks in her view. She votes for Republicans because her whole family does and because her husband does, not because she gives it any thought. Lynne doesn't read newspapers or watch the news either, she prefers watching popular comedies like the Big Bang Theory and she gets all the news she needs from Facebook. So when the Colorado legislature passed the Colorado United Nudity Tribunal law she giggled at the acronym but gave it no further thought. She wondered idly about why all the members of the CUNT were men, but then her TV program was back on and she forgot all about it.

The people in the town Lynne lives in with her husband passed a new proposition entitled S.L.U.T.T. a month ago. Again, some uptight people had written to the local newspaper to complain about the acronym, but Lynn just thinks it's a funny accident. People just need to get a sense of humor and have a healthy relationship with sex!

The acronym stands for Shaming Ladies to Unite for Tots Together, which is totally fair in her view. The latest fertility treatments mean less than 1 in a million women are medically unable to have children; anyone without a baby is choosing not to have them. Lynn thinks not having kids is pretty selfish, good ol’ America has to become Great as the slogan puts it, and defeating the Chinese hordes means Americans need to have more children. She’s done her part, she put four healthy young women on the earth after all. Truth be told she had loved being pregnant, she couldn’t imagine anyone not wanting that. Her sex drive had been out of this world, but back then her husband Tom was still able to help out with that. Lynne had voted in favor of the S.L.U.T.T. proposition ballot, it only mentioned giving the local town council the resources necessary to do their job to increase the birth rate. She was done having children, and she wanted to have more grandchildren, so what was wrong with that?

Her four daughters Laura, Alice, Sarah, and Katie had some pretty strong thoughts on the SLUTT resolution actually, both pro and con.